


Out of Nowhere

by Holyjongbutt, Nyxthealicorn



Category: My imagination, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Bitchy boyfriends, F/M, Fluff without Plot, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Jealous, Kind of cheating, M/M, OC, Romance, Stupidity, Suddenly plot, heartbroken, jealous boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-09 09:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 67,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3244943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holyjongbutt/pseuds/Holyjongbutt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxthealicorn/pseuds/Nyxthealicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being best friends with your crush is both reliving and painful.<br/>You know everything about them both annoying and beautiful sides, you hang out with them a lot and you get to see them at their best and on their worst.</p><p>This is also what makes it so painful, because you know all this and you always find this one side that you hate, but you love them enough to ignore that little fact and at the same time you know that you probably never are going to be seen at as something else then a best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dance on roses

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just a stupid fanfiction about real life people that I see everyday, I am a horrible person #Sorrynotsorry  
> So yeah it is stupid and I used half a day on it so I feel like I'm on crack or something so don't expect anything good, also it is my very first fanfiction that I have started written and completed a whole chapter on, I have tried do stuff like that before... I like to give up kay... so at least it is the very first I post here soooo yeah I have nothing else to say but enjoy

**Aleksander's POV**

I fiddled with my phone, trying and failing to not watch him go outside with Marie. It hurts.  
What a best friend I am, can't even let him be with others without getting a pricking jealousy inside my chest or feeling hurt and betrayed. Well, I know I am in love with him so it probably explains why I'm acting like that.  
Also making me to the worst best friend though.

I can't even explain why I fell for him, maybe it was because of how he was nice to everyone, or maybe because of how he always made these stupid comments so everyone started laughing, maybe because of his laid back attitude so everyone around him felt comfortable just being with him, but his appearance wasn't that bad either. His golden brown hair with his forelock falling into his eyes multiple times a day, always so fluffy that you just wanted to touch that mop of hair so you could feel the fluffiness between your fingers. Beautiful, intense blue eyes and plump, soft looking lips. I could fall in love with him just because of that, and that's just his face.

I didn't realize I was still looking towards where he had left, when suddenly he stood in my line of sight again chatting with Marie. He hugged her and I felt sick to my stomach, but I scolded myself immediately, I could be the worst best friend in the whole world because of this stupid feelings, but I would never,  _never,_ allow myself to ruin something that makes him happy.

He came up to me and sat down on the desk, turning around to talk to Mathias. I was in my own world so I didn't catch what they were talking about, but apparently it was something funny as he started laughing. My eyes fell on him instantly. My stomach fluttered and the sound was like music to my ears and I am perfectly aware how cliche that sounded even in my own head.

Whatever, my thoughts were forbidden and for me anyway so it doesn't actually matter, does it?  
He is my best friend though, he have a girlfriend or whatever Marie are to him.  
I know, oh god how perfectly well I know, that there is no chance in hell for him to fall as hard for me as I had for him.

Fall in love with another guy? Yeah, no, he is and will always be a lady's man... I have to keep reminding myself about that simple fact like four times a day, it never seems to stay in that traitorous head of mine, and I know that I would have broken down long ago if I didn't.

Being best friends with your crush is both reliving and painful.  
You know everything about them both annoying and beautiful sides, you hang out with them a lot and you get to see them at their best and on their worst.

You know so much about them and you love that person for who they are and when you are in love with them at top of that every trait glows for your eyes and they trust you and all the gooey goo.

This is also what makes it so painful, because you know all this and you always find this one side that you hate, but you love them enough to ignore that little fact and at the same time you know that you probably never are going to be seen at as something else then a best friend.

I probably look through his flaws a lot, but that is love for you I guess.  
Jeez this sounds more and more cheesy, and it is all that adorable idiot's fault I swear to god I am perfectly happy with keeping it as it is, and that meaning keeping it to myself without no one ever knowing **ever**...

Or so I say, even though all I want is to kiss those lips, stare into those eyes for the rest of my existent, oh god I am a hopeless cause, at least I know that much.

I must have let out a small sigh, quiet enough to not getting others attention, but still enough to draw his attention to me, stopping that melodic sound that came out his mouth like laughter as he turned towards me.

“You okay, Alex?” He whispered softly to not alert any of the others in our class.  
God have I said how much I love this guy.

“mm yeah, I'm great!” I told him with my classic grin. I don't think he believed me, since he kept studying my face with those god damn beautiful blue eyes of his. His golden brown hair fell down into his eyes and my first impulse was to run my hands through it to push those locks away so I could keep looking into those electrifying blue eyes and feel those curly locks of hair in my palm as I leaned forward to peck a kiss on his lips.  
God dammit mind, can you not!

I couldn't keep the dreaming sigh from getting out though and of course he picked up on it instantly.  
“You say you're fine, but you keep sighing! You know you can tell me anything, right?” His voice filled with concern along with his eyes, still with that lock of hair resting between them.  
I tried to speak, I really did, my mouth opening and closing like a dead fish, but unable to make any sounds or words with it, my eyes trained on that hair lock fighting the urge to push those rude motherfucking hair locks away from his beautiful orbs.

Again with all this cheesiness, it should be all clear by now it isn't the few hair strands that is the traitor here but my own fucking brain. I shook my head at my own thoughts and it must have taken it as an answer to his question.

“Well I'll let you be then...” He frowned about to turn away, finally wiping those fucking hair strands back into his usual side slick, then I finally found my voice again.

“No, I mean, uhh... yes, of course I know that I can tell you everything and anything, but as I said I am feeling just great, really! Won't you believe your best friend?”  
This time I sent him a warm smile, a reassuring one and it seemed like he relaxed a bit after that.

He returned the smile with an even more magnificent one, I just wanted to groan, and I wouldn't be surprised if my heart just busted out of my chest and declared my love for him by itself, then Mathias craved his attention again.

“Kristian, you have to see this” he declared in between his uncontrollable laughter, and of course he turned to see what stupid shit Mathias found so funny, and again with this prick of jealousy. At the same time I appreciated it, now I got to ogle the rest of his body without him knowing, hopefully.I whipped up my phone again, pretending I was doing something really important, as I was in some kind of way as I discretely mapped out every puny little detail of his body.

He is average height I suppose, only a few inches taller than myself, and he was lean.  
He is rather skinny looking, but I had really spent too many showers after gymnastics to know under those skinny jeans and that tight fitting button up shirt there were actually a well trained body.

My eyes traveled further down until I was ogling a much more inappropriate place before I took myself in it and felt the blood rush to my face instead of southwards and stared on the now black screen of my phone.  
I felt gratitude wash over me as I knew that my slightly brown skin would hide how flushed I really was right now.

“Alex, shall we go or? I think the others are at the place already” Kristian interrupted my intense staring on the still black screen, which really I don't mind at all his voice is always a pleasure to listen to, and when I looked up I was met with that magnificent smile of his.

“Uh.. Yeah yeah let's go” I stumbled out at last, I swear to Jesus, Satan or whoever that thought that making such an amazing, beautiful, marvelous, fabulous, did I mention amazing person with a smile and eyes you could literally drown into was a fricking good idea I would need to have a word with this someone, because he is going to be the cause of my death, I just know it.

We walked outside while talking softly to each other, and went inside the door to the main building because our school is strange and it just makes so much sense to put _only_ the 10 grade in a own place with only one door leading to the main building, which you couldn't go through without a teacher. It would have made more sense if it was the same for the whole school, but of course not.  
 Well done, school, well done.

So anyways we were on our way to 'our place' on the top of this stairwell where we had been chilling out with our friends from other classes since 8 grade.  
Marie was one of them...

I don't know if I pulled a face of some sorts or did anything at all, but somehow Kristian must have sensed something and thus he stopped walking to turn towards me.  
He studied my face again, just like he did few minutes ago when we still were sitting in the classroom and I felt drawn to the intense blue eyes flicking over my every facial feature.

“What?” I asked after some tense seconds with him staring at me and me using all my willpower not to lose to the urge to grab his face and smash my lips onto his soft looking ones, my voice suddenly hoarse like I had swallowed a frog or something.

  
He frowned and with a shook of his head he started walking again.  
I used some seconds to take in a deep breath to steady my willpower so I could keep my instincts and urges at bay, before catching up with him again.

I kept silence and was in my private world through the whole lunch, only snapping back to catch his words that didn't necessarily make any sense to me since I hadn't heard the whole conversation or just to hear the melodic sound of his laughter that made me smile along with him.  
As I sat there in my own love red world, I kept wondering about why I acted more like a lovesick puppy today, then I did yesterday or the day before that or the day before that or...

Yeah, it just doesn't make any sense.Why can't I keep my feelings at bay today as I would have done any other day.

Of course, my traitorous brain knew exactly what the answer for that one was.

 ** _You are sick of waiting, sick of seeing him with Marie, sick of just being the best friend. You want more, and you want it now..._**  
But I couldn't just kidnap him and force him to love me even though the Idea doesn't sound thaaaaat bad when I think twice about it, no not at all, just like I am turning all psychopathic here because of my crush on him.  
Something I probably am, I would at least not rule that one out just yet.

Suddenly out of nowhere, or probably not nowhere but we all know where my mind is, he stood up mumbling something about toilet.  
He sent me a glance which made me function at once. I followed after him without a word to the others like the god damn puppy I am, and appreciate actually.  
It was a natural thing between us, following each other to the toilet and wait outside like the fricking girls we are, and I just love that.

  
He walked into the stall while I was about to lean nonchalantly up against the wall when he grabbed my arm, dragging me inside with him and just because I am an ungraceful piece of shit I tumbled over my own legs and fell flat on my ass successfully taking him down with me and by some mysterious chance managing to close the door behind us too.

I flushed dark red as he was only inches away from my own face, my brown eyes drowning in his blue, our legs a tangled mess, his hands brushing against my waist where they were planted on the floor, the only support that kept him from falling fully on top of me, and the soft breaths stroking across me cheek.  
I tried to open my mouth to say something smart, joke it away you know no homo even though I blush like a fucking tomato on fire just because I have a dude in my lap, more specific my best friend...

Who I am so in love with even a blind fucking giraffe would have seen it, but of course the only thing that left my idiotic mouth, that I blame my fucking brain for doing, was a pathetic dreaming sigh sounding very much like a whine.

Kristian's face twisted into confusion for a second, before he lifted himself up to his full height with a determined look making me almost whine in protest, like come on can't I get some few minutes more like that at least since this will probably be the first and last time and I don't know how to comprehend that fact just yet, but I was interrupted by the sound of a lock clicking.

When I looked up I met his gaze and I was both confused and freaking terrified with panic and I abruptly sat up, luckily my mind snapped back at once when he opened his mouth again.

“So that's why... I knew there were something bothering you” He muttered darkly.

Okay never mind brain, you could have just panicked at once because this is just fucking worse, now I am literally freaking out.

How shall I react to that?  
Does he know now?  
Could he noticed it so fast??  
Is it to late to joke about it until it goes away???

Maybe.. I could joke about that the ground isn't the best place to fall on your ass, it isn't actually comfortable or anything, of course I would have made some kind of sound.  
I calmed down, thinking I could just do that, it wasn't half a bad idea my traitorous brain suddenly came up with, finally as it self again it seems, and yeah my organs are practically own persons who makes me do stupid shit just deal with it.

I just had to pull it off now, not that I got the actual chance to anyhow. I had been so absorbed into my own short panic attack I hadn't noticed that he had stepped closer. Or the fact that he was crouching right beside me.  
It was only when beautiful blue blocked my line of sight that I reacted on the closeness, twitching before I stilled.

I fucking froze where I sat, my mouth was dry as sandpaper, hands clenching into sweaty fists for no particular reason and the only thought standing in my head was to pounce, to get away so he wouldn't find out the truth and I would selfishly stay as his best friend because I couldn't bare the thought of losing him, but of course my feet felt like lead ignoring my every impulse to run away.

I flinched as I felt his palm against my cheek, but the soft caress made me lean into the touch.  
Without realizing it I had squeezed my eyes shut and when I opened them, those intense blue eyes were focusing on my every reaction before settling on gazing in mine own brown as I was looking into his blue.

Still studying he lent towards me and I felt the hunger, the lust, to feel his lips on mine grow so I gladly met him halfway, crashing my lips on his.  
It was like a first kiss again, noses bumping into each other, teeth clanking together and I wanted more!  
I tangled my hands into the curly strands of hair, feeling softer than I would've ever imagined, and tried to force Kristian deeper into the kiss.

He easily took control then, placing the other hand on my waist and with all care in the world forcing me on my back again. He settled between my legs again so I had to spread them wider just to let him get enough space, never even leaving his lips from mine.  I let a moan slip into the kiss and Kristian released my lips with a evil smirk on his own.

I felt fear prickle on the inside of my skin, a weak whine leaving my lips as I stared dazed up on him. He just kept that stupid but oh so sexy smirk on his lips as he swooped me up in another breathtaking kiss, not even in my wildest dreams would I have thought of him as such an amazing kisser.

I started panting into the kisses, another proving point to how much of a puppy I am, and I craved more physical contact. Thrusting my hips while arching my back up, earned me a delightful gasp from his lips, plus a pleasurable contact with his body, before he got a firm grip on one of my hips, neglecting me the freedom to move, while the other hand who at some point had left my cheek was roaming every part of me as it slid underneath my T-shirt.

I ran my hands out of his hair, sliding them down to around his neck and pulled him closer until our bodies were smashed together and satisfying my craving for touch as much as I could possibly do while laying on my back with him all in control. Not that I complained, it was rather shocking and never something I could have imagined would happen, but again I have none complaints. Guilty pleasure.

“This is wrong...” I mumbled into his lips, hurting myself by saying it, but I had to or else I might get heartbroken later.

“Maybe” was the short reply before plunging his tongue down my throat,which really blew my mind out of the logical window.  
I don't know how far we would have gone, because our time was perfectly ruined by voices right outside the door.

“Seems like lunch's over...” Kristian said bitterly, kissing me once more before relentlessly getting to his feet. He helped me up, but my feet found that exact moment appropriate to give up on me making me fall again, just this time right into his arms.

“See what you did, now my feet are asleep and I can't even stand!” I muttered lightly, trying not to smile too big at least.

“Oh, poor baby~” Kristian cooed, still with that smirk, like what the fuck is going on with that Kristian is all smile and happiness and innocent, where the fuck has he hidden this dark, evil devil side of him??  
I must have said that out loud because he just laughed at me and stealing another kiss.

“Can't we just skip class and stay here and make out forever, wouldn't that have been like the most amazing time of the year~” I complained, clenching my fist into his button up shirt, which was a light blue one, and pouted not wanting to let go.

“If you want to let the whole school know that we're a couple I suppose we can, but since you didn't even want to come out to me I would rethink that little thing” He smiled now thought, a soft smile and his eyes filled with this softness, just the thought that I was the reason for it made me want to giggle like the girls in the class.

“Well Mr. Smarty pants, I didn't come out to you because one I thought you and Marie was a thing? And two I had a crush on you and who knows what I would have said when I started talking about things down that line.” I frowned at him, but I couldn't resist smiling.

This have to be a dream, it just have to be and at the same time I hope so dearly it is real.

Then I backtracked, “Waaaait, did you just say we were a couple?” Damn it! I sound like a hopeful, guess what, Puppy right now aren't I.  
He grinned and leant down those couple of inches to kiss me, then he kissed my nose, my cheek and at last my forehead before capturing my lips into another searing kiss which I gladly returned at full force.

“Want to come to my place after school?” He whispered softly, his eyes never leaving mine as I came down from my seventh cloud and nodded hesitantly. He sent me a last smile as he untangled himself from my hands and left, but not without kissing my cheek a last time. Oh god, oh my fucking god was this day even real.

I fricking hope so or else I'm going to mass murder my own brain for giving me a so realistic dream.  
I used some minutes to calm down my beating heart before going to class. Luckily we didn't have a teacher yet, not a fucking surprise either, so I got my books and happily started talking to some of my classmates, not caring who because of the happy land I was trapped in and I glanced as much on him as I saw his gaze travel to me.

I was really fucking excited for what would happen after school, maybe life finally wanted to smile upon me.  
Like what's the fucking chance really, to get freaking found out by your best friend that you love him and then it turns out into a really fucking sexy, hot and messy snogging session and you become a couple, a secret couple for now at least, and probably continue making out after school at his place.

If only these two hours could pass quicker...  
I glanced at him again, meeting his blue eyes.  
He winked at me and I felt my cheeks heathen up, well this secret is going to be a lot harder to keep secret than I thought, but really as long as I have him I don't think I mind.

Damn you cheesy, cliché brain and you gooey goo love, this is totally going to be the end of me you just wait and see or so help me. please.


	2. Feelings are confusing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are you supposed to do when all you want is to show how important he is to you and how much you love him, to shower him in constant affection as he deserves for anyone and everyone to see, but he isn't ready to come out yet?  
> A chapter of cockblocking bitches, hurt feelings and comforting... Friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saying, any corrections are appreciated because my English sucks balls sometimes #sorrynotsorry

**Kristian's point of view**

I love him.

God how much I love him. I could still not believe what just had happened, now he was mine, my **boyfriend...** I could actually not believe that he likes me back. How the hell hadn't I seen that before?

Well it could be because even though he was pretty obvious all day, I didn't want to believe that it was real in case it just was my heart playing tricks with my head and eyes.

Not before I fell on top of him and he got so flustered, desperately trying to find an excuse for the whining sigh that he let out did it occur to me that it actually was real.

I had silenced him by drawing him into a kiss, leading to another, leading to deeper kisses and oh god I feel so good just thinking about the expressions he had shown as I had done it my way with him.

I still felt the taste of him on my lips and tongue, making me smile for myself. Who would have thought that he could have looked so hot as a breathless panting mess in my arms.

Yeah, life was good at the moment as I met his traveling gaze, sending him a small smirk and enjoying the faint blush I received back. How long hadn't those strong brown eyes and puffy lips along with the soft thick dark hair haunted my dreams, and now he is mine.

Still, one thing kept bothering me, a puny little thing that shouldn't have been a problem at all. I kept thinking how I can't show him what he means to me anytime I want, I know he want's to keep it quiet no matter what he says. I know him well enough to know that.

Like I said, nothing that should have been a problem, but what are you supposed to do when all you want to show how important he is to you and how much you love him, to shower him with affection as he deserves for anyone and _everyone_ to see, but he just isn't ready to come out like that himself yet?

Only yesterday we were best friends and now that I have gotten more than I would ever have imagined I could have, I want more than I should be allowed to ask. I should respect him and be patiently waiting for him to be ready to come out by himself, but I desperately wants to show everyone he's mine and that they can just back off.

Marie could be a problem though... She's so clingy and everyone just assumed we are in a relationship so we were kind of forced into it, I suck at saying no kay. I want to come out, and I want to do that with Aleksander as soon as possible so I can get out of my relationship with her.

It's Aleksander I want, but I have equal to zero idea how to get out of the relationship without telling that it is because I am in love my best friend and would rather have him than her.

I still want to be friends with her though, I value our friendship pretty much when we look away from the clingy part. I love her, but not in the way everyone thinks. Not like how I love Aleksander.

Time suddenly started moving faster as my mind wrapped around the problems, trying and failing to find any solution other then coming out with Aleksander. The recess came and went without me noticing.

I finally snapped back as the lesson started, forcing me to collect the books and greet the teacher. Just one more hour...

\-----

**Aleksander's point of view**

Two hours are painfully long when you are impatiently waiting for them to pass. I think I was about to go crazy there I sat, constantly gazing over at him.

Of course did I notice that he was lost in deep thoughts and I fucking prayed he didn't reconsidered everything that happened in the toilet stall. That he reconsidered the couple thing and just wanted to stay as friends.

or worse...

planing to just leave me, and never have anything to do with me again, like who wants to be around their best friend that has totally gay feelings for one...

The thought made my blood run cold and I felt that it got harder to breath properly. I glanced back at Kristian, catching him staring at me with this odd little smile and I shook my head, pushing away my paranoia.

I had to start trusting Kristian a bit more than this or else we're going to have a shitty relationship. My heart started fluttering at the thought and I felt a giddy feeling settle inside.

It was just so unreal and I knew that it would take me a long while just to get used to that fact. I glanced back to my phone, a soft sigh escaping as I realized I it was still half an hour left.

I tried to focus on the lecture, it was probably somethin important that I was going to pay hard for later, but my focus along with my eyes always wandered back to a specific someone...

 

I let out a heavy breath that I didn't realize I had held as we finally were allowed to pack down our stuff, which I eagerly did without hesitation. My mind set on only one thing making my heart race and head light in excitement .

 I stormed out at once when our teacher let us, quickly pulling on shoes and jacket before the chaos started and waited impatiently for him to do the same. He hadn't even gotten on his own jacket, then Maries stood there linking her arm with his.

"Hey, want to hang out today~?" She smiled sweetly up at Kristian. I noticed how he stiffened slightly, looking down with uncertainty.

"Nah, already made plans with Aleks, we're going to my place, sorry maybe next time?" He said nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders. That made my heart skip a beat, damn him...

"Oh. Why don't all three of us go to your place?" She asked still with a smile, clearly a fake one. He hesitated again, glancing over at me and I could see that the struggled to find an excuse without exposing the new nature of our relationship.

"Ah, well it's just that he is supposed to sleep over and stuff, you know kinda like a guys weekend" he told her with a soft smile, melting my heart in the progress. God dammit heart, want to calm down a little? "isn't that right Aleks?".

"uh.. Oh yeah totally!" I'm so fucking smooth it's unbelievable, nobody beats my smoothness level. If minus levels counts that is.

"So you choose your best friend over your girlfriend? Come on, can't I stay for a couple of hours at least~" she half pouted at Kristian and I knew the case was lost. He 's just to kind to say no.

"Fine, a couple of hours may work" he sighed in defeat. Told ya, didn't I? She squealed in delight, quickly taking up her phone to probably send a text to her mother or something.

I felt disappointment wash over me, and I stared at him with sadness in my eyes. He just looked distressed between me and Marie.

"let's go!" Marie declared cutely, grabbing hold of **her** boyfriend's hand. I felt incredibly jealous. At the same time I knew there were nothing I could do about it without exposing the feelings I had for him in front of her.

I wasn't ready to do that, and I felt bad since we practically cheated behind her back or we're going to? This is so confusing even for me.

Kristian had called us a couple after just a few minutes of kissing, then asked if I wanted to come to his place. Does that qualify as cheating? On some points it probably does, but all in all?

Does Kristian even like me like that?

Of course he does, why else would he kiss me like that?

Paranoia crawled back up on me all the way to his place and seeing him with Marie only made it worse. My mind jumping between if he actually liked me or if it was something else.

What if he just faked?

 I had to shake my head a couple of times by all the stupidity my brain came up with. Kristian would never have kissed me for a joke or anything like that.

It was the longest bus ride in my entire life.

"Aleksander, are you okay?" Someone asked sincerely, forcing me back to reality. It was Emily, one of the girls in our class, not that she was like the other girls.

She's never afraid to tell you her own mind about things, you could always count on her to have like a bazillion books in her locker and her hair was something of it's own, a bit reddish here, ginger there and brown blonde something in the middle.

She also always hanged with three specific persons that was hard to ignore.

Nate, a tomboyish girl always with a new hair color or hat that really wasn't afraid to be her self and I'm pretty sure she's gay.

Odasaur, also a bit tomboyish always in black clothes with a loud and cheerful attitude.

and Emi, a loud girl with a both careless and kind attitude that also wasn't afraid to speak her own opinion about things.

I stared into her light blue eyes for a moment without saying anything before replying with a sigh.

"Yeah, somehow"

"has it anything to do with Kristian?"

That took me by surprise and I gaped at her, failing to hide my shock.

Don't tell me she already knows?

She moved out of her seat and took place beside me before telling me quietly.

"Sorry, but you aren't so discretely drooling over each other as you may think, but relax nobody else knows" She sent me a comforting smile, coming as another surprise.

"Uhh. Yeah, it's something about him..." I answered her question after somehow slightly comprehending what she had told.

"Of course it is." She rolled her eyes.

"It's actually nothing though, I'm just over thinking really." I tried to wave the conversation away, not really wanting to have it

"You sure?" She asked, not believing me for a second. To be honest I wouldn't have believed myself either.

"Yeah, my head is just a mess after everything that happened this week" I forced out, smiling back at her. She studied me for a moment, up and down in disbelief.

"Fine... Just.. If there are something, anything, me and my friends are good listeners, sometimes you don't need to stand alone, you know?"

Then she left me again, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

She knows! And from how she putted it her friends also knows... What if she told others too, how many knows about us?

I sat panicking silently by myself again, maybe for the fucking gazillion time just today, the rest of the way, almost missing the stop we were meant to get off. Luckily one of us had his head on the right place.

We didn't talk much as we entered his house. We threw away our backpacks, quickly discharging our shoes and jackets. Kristian led the way into the kitchen and made a straight line for the fridge.

"Food?" He offered, roaming through the fridge.

"No thanks, I'm fine" Marie giggled. Like why? Was food even that funny, it was just a question? Jeez.

"Sure, I'm starving~" I announced truthfully, flopping down into one of the chairs.

"Is grilled cheese sandwich fine with you?" I just nodded in reply, watching him find the ingredients. Let's just pretend I didn't have to force myself to keep my eyes from traveling, and if we should mention it just give me a damn applause for actually succeeding that task.

 

It seemed like Marie never planned to leave and honestly it's a border of just how much I tolerate watching her fawn over Kristian, which she surpassed in under an hour. She deserves a fucking medallion of pure gold for that.

Or stone so maybe she breaks in two, I would at least think so by how skinny she is. Maybe I'm overreacting and I don't actually have anything against her believe it if you may.

What I am against is how she clings to Kristian, and yeah it is fucking jealousy speaking, Jesus Christ my crush for him it's likely going to get someone killed.

Anyhow, she left at last and now I'm sitting alone with him on his bed in his room, did I mention that we are alone? I gazed over at him, our eyes meeting and in the next second I had crawled into his lap.

"I never thought she would leave..." I murmured, hovering just inches above his lips. He leaned forward and caught my lips with his. I gladly gave into it, my arms moving around his neck and fingers tangling into the soft small hair strands there.

Kristian moved gently to lay down taking me with him, never separating our lip connected mouths. His hands rested on my waist, our bodies so close the only thing keeping us apart was particles of clothes. A pleased humming noise vibrated in the back of my throat, and I felt him smirk into the kiss.

I broke the kiss out of breath in a daze and I both heard and felt him chuckle from underneath me. I tried to send him a glare as best as I could, but the flushing face I sported completely ruining any chance for success. Without any warning he twisted us around, making me hit the bed with a thud.

I met his eyes, which was looking at me with hunger. I felt the giddy feeling from earlier today returning. His lips found mine at the speed of light, hands exploring their way underneath my shirt. I felt like in heaven, but still even then did Marie bother my mind.

"Aleks..." Muttered Kristian, catching my wandering focus. I peeked up at him, my mind thinking on the paranoid bus trip, the panic welling back up inside me. I sat up, staring into those beautiful blue eyes to desperately can down.

He examined my face critically, he knew there were something bothering me. After seconds, minutes, hell it could be hours of us just staring at each other before I pulled him into a bone crushing hug, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck.

"What's bothering you?" I felt him mumble into my hair. I shook my head, not wanting to talk just yet. He wrapped his arms around me, knowing that it was what I needed a and wanted. He softly kissed me right over the ear, gently holding me close and patiently waiting for me to speak up.

I just wanted to cry for no reason, my feelings unstable like they had been the whole fucking day. One would think I was a girl on my period or something. I blame the teenager hormones, it's probably their fault anyway.

" I hate seeing you like that with Marie" I uttered out after a whole eternity sitting like that. I felt him tighten the hold around me and I sat up straight to eye him. He looked at me with hesitation and when he did he had an unsure expression on his face.

"I know.." Came the final reply.

"Why can't you break up with her then? Or do you value her more then me perhaps?" I blurted out without thinking, for once.

"It's not that easy" he argued, sounding troubled. That I wasn't ready for. What does he mean by not that easy, it is so dang easy. Either he likes me more then Marie and breaks up with her or he doesn't!

"Yes it is! Damn you, why wouldn't it be?!" I retorted in pained confusion. I released him and looked at his face for signs, what kind I didn't know yet just something that would help me understand his mind. I may be his best friend, but not a mind reader, sadly.

"I love you, Aleks, never think anything else, I just happen to love Marie too. Not in the same way mind you, but I don't want to lose either of you. I want to keep her as friend and I don't know how to if I break up with her, hell I don't even know how to break up with her... I need time, Aleks, as you need to come out as my boyfriend. I respect that, please respect my decision to." He croaked out, not dating to look into my eyes as he ranted on.

I was speechless, trying to digest everything he had said. He said he loved me, but also that he loved her, and what is a different way? Does he really just want to be friends with her or was there something more behind it?

The thought that bothered me the most was the coming out part, did he really want to come out already to everyone ? Was I the only one wanting time to see how thing went from here? It was a really unfair move to take it up anyhow.

"I can respect it... I just don't know how long I can keep seeing you with her, you're cheating on her with me and I just can't live with that. It's just not right..." Plus I'm a selfish bastard that wants you all for myself.

Only then did he meet my eyes again, those blue eyes filled with pain. He didn't say anything after that as he took my hands in his, intertwining our fingers. He led my hands over his shoulder, releasing them and grabbing hold of me.

Pulling me close he smashed our lips together, giving a deeper meaning then any words would ever have done. The desperate act promising to never give up, that he would never would give _me_ up.

The kiss was over before it had really started.

We didn't talk much to each other the rest of the evening and I left early the next morning without even a word of goodbye seeing as he was still asleep at the time I decided to get the hell out of there. I had simply kissed his forehead and left, not caring or feeling for staying any longer.

 

The weekend passed in a blur, with me slightly disconnected from the real world. It's a miracle that I actually ate at all, which should sum up everything. As Monday arrived the only thing I wanted to, was to dug a hole in the ground and stay there.

I did my best to ignore Kristian and luckily he did the same. So why does it hurt so much. It's what I want, but I feel like I've been dragged to help and back over stacks of Lego. Feelings are so confusing to be honest...

My eyes seemed to live their own lives, always traveling back to the same lean body with the fluffy golden brown hair and blue eyes, even if I kept telling myself not to. I didn't know what we were now, but I knew we both needed time to sort this out.

We had only been together for under a day and we already had to sort things out... What a fan fucking tastic and wonderfully painful thought. Maybe we just weren't meant to be.

Let's take the field bus to feelsvale everyone, just buckle up because this is totally going to be a wet and slippery trip. I can't handle this painful sadness, it was almost better when... When everything was normal, when we were just best friends...

Too say the least, I was a complete mess the whole day, even worse then what I was just three days ago. This time it wasn't Kristian who pointed it out.

"So... What happened between you and lover boy over there~" someone snickered lightly in a hushed voice behind me.

"Behave." Came another, clearly meant for the first one. I peered around, and was met with three girls crowding my desk, Nate the first voice, Emily probably the second and Odasaur.

"Whatever do you mean?" I feigned innocently, but was only met with three unfazed looks.

"It's none of your business anyhow" I snapped instead, glaring at them. Can't they just leave me to suffer in my sadness alone, please.

"Well yeah, still doesn't mean we will just sit by and watch you be down by urself" Nate reasoned, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Even if I say please?" I joked slightly with an exhaust grin. They just looked solemnly at me and nodded. I sighed heavily. I felt tears treating to fall, and I stalked out in the hallway.

I hid into one of the toilet stalls, letting the tears stream silently. They flowed down my cheeks, but I felt nothing as they did, only a dull ache inside of me. Like they were feelings that got free at last. I probably seemed stupid for sitting in a toilet stall, curled up on the toilet seat with my hands around me knees protecting myself for my own troubling thoughts and feelings while crying my eyes out.

A sharp knock on the door shook me out of my silent misery. I wiped my face in a fast motion and sniffled quietly.

"It's taken" I grunted harshly, shoving my head between my legs. I hoped it wasn't any of those girls trying to speak with me again, right now that was the last thing I wanted.

"Aleks?" That. Was not a girl's voice. At the same time it wasn't Kristian's either. It almost sounded like... I locked up the door and Marius stood in the door way, watching me with concern.

I sniffled again, cocking my head at him. Marius stepped inside without a word and closed the door. He kneeled down on the ground beside me, still not saying anything.

We sat there in silence for minutes, not uncomfortable, even though the way I sat at least wasn't comfortable at all. I slid off the seat, joining him on the floor.

"Maybe we should go back to class, third period has probably started" I suggested, smiling softly. I don't know how, but somehow his presence alone had calmed me down... Like Kristian does.

"You think you can? You don't seem likely to handle that yet." He pointed out, gesturing to my watery eyes.

"Yeah... You're probably right..." I admitted leaning my head at the edge of the toilet seat behind us. "Why did you go look for me anyway?" I added in an afterthought.

"Well... Emily and Nate kind of told me too, aka forcing and they looked so damn serious about it, so I complied." He confessed hesitantly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Aren't I surprised! Wait, nope false alarm." I groaned sarcastic. Marius eyed me suspicious and I sent him a tired grin in return. "A load of shit has happened lately. Can we please just not talk about it?"

"Sure thing." He said, giving me the same grin. Marius was like my twin, my brother from another mother. I wouldn't say we're as close as I'm with Kristian, but it could probably be because of my other feelings for Kristian.

We always joked around, dancing in synch even if we meant to or not, saying things at the same time and even had the same thoughts about things. He meant alot to me, and he's one of the persons I wouldn't want to lose in my life.

"What happened between you and Kristian? Or is that some of the shit?" He interrupted my thoughts by asking.

"Some of that shit" I mumbled, trying to forget all about **that.**

He nod, and silence fell over the toilet stall. I think Marius sat in deep thoughts judging by the frown on his face. I shoved him lightly with my knee, wanting to see him smile. A frown didn't suit his face at all.He glanced over at me, biting his lips.

"Aleks, I-I have to uhm.. tell you something important or like, you decide if it's important or not, I mean it's important for me... That you know, yeah that's it" He stammered nervously.

"I'm open ears" I smiled assuring, placing my hand over his. He flinched by the touch, but he seemed more determined when his grey blue eyes met mine.

"I think it's better if I show you, can I? This once? It's nothing dangerous I promise"

I felt an uncomfortable tingle in my spine as I nodded, to curious to say no.

"Could you... I mean if you don't mind, uhm, close your eyes for a sec?" He questioned quietly. Again I nodded, not daring to say anything as I slipped my eyes closed.

I waited one second in the darkness behind my eyelids, then two seconds and at the third i felt softness against my lips. I jumped away in surprise. My eyes locked with his, one of my hands coming up to my face to touch my lips. Did he kiss me right now?

"I like you, and not just like, more as in like-like. I have done so for a while too. Thought you would need to know at some point..."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tried to write this thing for a couple of days since I actually got motivation but yay my phone is a bitch and school.  
> I have a big problem by now, like it wasn't that bad just shipping them BUT after this was written... Yeah lets just say I almost need applaus for everytime I actually look straight into their eyes. AND now me and my friends appeared, but we're only going to be background characters so yeah...  
> I think I over used the word something lol. Aaaand its a pretty slow chapter but things are going to speed up later, I think.


	3. For the better or the worse?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am a complete dick.
> 
> And because of that Aleks refuse to even look me in the eyes, let alone talk to me. What if Aleks already have given up on me, because of my stupidity and cowardice. No no no, don't let uncertainty wrap around your thoughts, you don't know if you don't ask so don't panic, I kept telling myself. The question was if I dared to ask him, did I even want to know? Deep down perhaps, but fear for if he says yes keep me from doing so.  
> I could live through depressing and panicking thoughts, that's all me anyhow, but if those words left his beautiful lips I am sure that I'm going to crumble under them. That I probably won't live down... Ever.  
> I could hear the sound of him saying it in my head, making my heart bleed and I tried fucking hard to remind myself that it was all inside my head for now, it's not happening at this exact moment it's just my fucking head being a bitch about my panic. Jeez what a pain I am to myself. Fucking hell.
> 
> Let's just say it's a lot of drama ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hope for anything good, this chapter is crap and probably don't make sense or are incredibly boring, either that or I have just super low self esteem.

I sat stunned, blinking at him. His words echoed around inside my brain. 'I like you, and not just like, more as in like-like. I have done so for a while too. Thought you would need to know at some point...' I didn't know what to do with that information. How should I react? This is pretty much how Kristian would have felt if it wasn't for him looking me back I suppose. How would I have wanted him to react?

I pondered on it for to long as he hastily made a move to apology or along that line at least, and I knew that I didn't want him to do that. In an act of not thinking just doing I abruptly interrupted the words from escaping his lips by letting mine meet them in another kiss. This one was different. While the last one was soft and barely there, this one was hard and slightly desperate in my action of keeping his mouth shut.

He winced in surprise, but quickly returned it, closing his eyes. I was dragged into it, literally as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to his body. I didn't resist, it wasn't what I had planned to do, but in my rushed state it had just happened and now I kinda melted into it with ease. My mind quickly hazed over like there was a fog denying me the freedom to think, my hands finding their way into his hair. I vaguely made a mental note about the difference between Marius and Kristian's hair.

While Kristian had thick, fluffy hair that was half long and slightly wavy making it seem a bit shorter than what it was, Marius had much shorter hair with a undercut, thus only longer hair strands on the top styled to the right, but they were still silky smooth in my palm. Guilt flashed through me at once along with the same dull ache from earlier. I didn't feel the tears running before they mingled in between our lips making him abruptly break the kiss.

"Am I such a bad kisser?" He asked unsure, but with a slight smirk and teasing edge to his voice. I snorted, scrubbing the tears angrily away unable to keep the smile off my face at his teasing. I shock my head, not even really knowing why those traitorous eyes was leaking with tears, I really have no fricking idea. It took me a couple of seconds of rubbing away tears, before I noticed that I still was halfway laying on top of him with his arms tightly around me, and I knew instantly that I didn't want to be anywhere else at the moment.

If only Kristian would escape my mind, I would probably have been happy there, shockingly actually. Just minutes ago I was questioning myself what I should say to him telling me about his feelings and suddenly I'm kissing him and cuddling with him?And what's up with the toilet anyhow? Does they have like a rainbow magic that sprinkles gay feelings for best friends on you with tiny elves getting a happy life by watching two guys make out or something? For it fucking seems so to me by now!

Not complaining about the current situation though. It felt surprisingly comfortable in his arms, safe and cozy. Absentmindedly I snuggled even closer, hiding my face in his shoulder. He smelled differently then Kristian too. I wish I could hate Kristian more than I like him so he didn't keep popping inside my head all the time. Especially now, when I really didn't want to for once.

"I really hope you aren't rubbing your snot at me" He joked, his hands unconsciously traveling, stroking soothing rings along my back. I scoffed at that, nuzzling even more into his shoulder to make a point. I looked up at him with an evil teasing smirk and was met with a gorgeously cute expression. Marius looked like a kid at Christmas eve with shining eyes and a really stupid but, god help me, **_cute_ ** enormous smile on his face. I felt kinda bad when I reminded him about a pretty important fact.

"You know, we should go back to class soon..." I could not resist to chuckle when he visibly deflated by my words. He recovered quickly and tried to cover it with a cheeky smile. Then he grimaced at the thought again.

"I don't want to go back to class now, what will happen after this? I don't even know what to make out of this situation at all." He frowned, tightening the grip on me seeming afraid that if he just let go of me this would all disappear, right in front of him. I bit my lip at that, I had no clue either.

He sighed, looking at me with a determined stare he stole a last hard kiss, untangling himself from me as he did and gave me a pointed glance before slipping out of the stall. I sat stunned for the second time today letting my mind race through everything that have happened the last four days. First Kristian, then Marius and my heart seems to be desperate for guys suddenly, what the hell...

At long last I finally tumbled to my legs and stumbled out of there, my head filled to the brim with confusion and overwhelming thoughts.

* * *

  **Kristian's POV**

I had noticed that Aleksander had left right before the lesson, and then that Marius was gone too as the lesson started. I denied to think that it had some connection. My hope was crushed when Marius came back, telling an obvious lie and only minutes after Aleks appeared, and of course my jealousy saw that he was slightly red-faced _and_ _how he kept glancing over at Marius._

I wanted to tear my eyes out, I couldn't take how they ogled each other. I had an unbearable urge to wrap my arms around Aleks, keeping him to myself. And I understood how selfish that was, how I wanted him so much when I couldn't even _break_ up with Marie. I just _couldn't_...

A pang of guilt coiled in the pit of my stomach. The words I had spoken three days ago still haunted me, I knew I had fucked up so hard by saying how I needed time and fucking comparing it to him.

I am a complete dick.

And because of that Aleks refuse to even look me in the eyes, let alone talk to me. Can't blame him, I wouldn't have talked to me either after something like that. I wanted to smack my head down onto the surface of my desk so maybe, just maybe I would refrain from doing the same mistakes again.

What if Aleks already have given up on me, because of my stupidity and cowardice. No no no, don't let uncertainty wrap around your thoughts, you don't know if you don't ask so don't panic, I kept telling myself. The question was if I dared to ask him, did I even want to know? Deep down perhaps, but fear for if he says yes keep me from doing so.

I could live through depressing and panicking thoughts, that's all me anyhow, but if those words left his beautiful lips I am sure that I'm going to crumble under them. _That_ I probably won't live down... Ever.

I could hear the sound of him saying it in my head, making my heart bleed and I tried fucking hard to remind myself that it was all inside my head for now, it's not happening at this exact moment it's just my fucking head being a bitch about my panic. Jeez what a pain I am to myself. Fucking hell. My breath hitched in my throat. I hadn't been aware that I had been keeping my eyes trained on Aleks when suddenly his dark brown gaze met mine and time stilled for a moment.

I know that I let all my pain show in my expression, I couldn't hide it however much I wanted to. I saw the same pain mirrored in his face though and some selfish guilty hope lighted up inside of me like a damn beacon. I am a fucking asshole, I know it. I don't deserve Aleks when I can't even break up with Marie, which I didn't want to be together with in the first place, and make him go through whatever. I don't have a clue what I make him go through, I just know that it is a mistake, him having this pained expression which I  am at fault for and I want to fix it.

If I just knew how...

Maybe I'm not the right one for him, if I ignore all the selfishness inside of me. What if Marius would be the better choice for him, the better match? While I'm not... Oh holy macaroni I can't go there, not yet. As much as I can't break up with Marie, I _refuse_ to believe that line of thought, I just won't. Hell, Aleks could yell it into my face himself, I would probably just stick my fingers in my ears and start singing loudly while he speaks pretending I didn't hear shit.

That's just how selfish I am, somehow I don't hate myself for it.

Without me noticing three hours had just flew past, and I had gotten very little out of the lessons because of my wavering attention, I'm just glad Mathias kept snapping me back or else I would have been royally fucked. I peeked at Aleks, who already were having a conversation with Marius, which at least appeared to be normal. What am I saying? It couldn't be anything less than normal, it's Aleksander I'm talking about. Stupid, stupid, stupid jealousy.

In denial of my own fucking thoughts I got the hell out of there, or it could be the jealousy. Thinking twice about it, perhaps not, because then I would have grabbed Aleks and taken him with me to somewhere a bit more private and made out with him into another month, that could or could not lead to more inappropriate actions. Calm down fantasies, I don't like the idea to get a raging hard on at school. Not that people would have minded that much, for all they know it could be Marie I had my mind on, making it  much better in some ways. Still a boner is really nothing I want to experience having at school. Well if it was Aleks fault,  if he _did_ something that... I'm going down the wrong path, that is towards boner land fuckity fuck.

I ran straight into Marie in the hallway.

"Oh hey," I yelped over rumpled in surprise. She studied me for a second, before giving me a big hug without a single word, until. "We need to talk."

That. Does not sound good. At all... Had she somehow looked through us that Friday? Shouldn't that actually be a good thing? I cast a glance into her eyes and nope, not good. It does not look like it is going to be something good. "What about?" I replied nervously trying to keep an innocent smile at my face, but I knew that it showed my uncertainty and how nervous I actually was if she didn't pick up on the nervous tone. Did I mention that this makes me really nervous?

"Let's go somewhere more private first." She smiled, totally fake. She is going to murder me, isn't she. Hopefully she will tell me why before she does so. She lead the way and I kept up  with her, silently fearing for my life. I am panicking over nothing again, and some part of my brain knows it too, but this is clearly not my day so I'll just roll with the illogical part and see how it goes.

She came to a stop beside the gymnastic hall, scaring away some of the 8 graders that sat on the swings there. Then she finally turned back to me. She stared calculating in my eyes for a moment, still with this unbearable silence. "So..." I fidgeted, shoving my hands deep into the pockets on my jacket on instinct.

Marie let out a sigh, without changing her calculating expression. "Kristian, I'm wondering, what is it with you and Aleks?" I froze at the question. So she did know?! How the..."Whenever I am with the both of you, you completely ignore me and it's hardly possible to get a word with you! Especially this Friday, it almost seemed like you wanted me to leave?!" She continued, seething with frustration. I almost let out a deep breath, clearly she hadn't noticed or figured out the other thing yet, luckily I should say.

"Marie, now you're overreacting, I don't ignore you. At the same time I don't pay you attention every second, which should be clear why since I am with both of you and it would have been rude to ignore either of you." I concluded nonchalant. I knew it was a lie even before the sentences left my mouth, but I couldn't speak the true without exposing _the other thing._

"Don't make me laugh." She huffed, not seeming impressed at all by my poor excuse of a lie. "I can buy that it's not you though. It has to be Aleks fault then, that craving bastard cant handle that you have a girlfriend and won't pay him as much attention as you did." Folding her arms over her breasts, she scolded towards the school, and I could almost see the picture she imagined of Aleks burning in hell. Yeah, that speaks loudly about how obvious it was.

"Seriously, Marie? You blame him for not getting as much attention as you want, if  you ask me you sound like the craving one here" I retorted in defense, instantly regretting my choice of words. Why did I even defend him, he's probably over me already so it is no point for me getting on what I would say is the worst side of Marie... Oh well, my heart says otherwise as it flutters proudly in my chest.

"Now you're defending him too!" She stated the obvious of course. "What is it with you? Can't you at least back me up on **something** **?!** Why are you defending him anyhow, can't you see it?" She flailed, now scowling at me. "See what? What are you even talking about?"

"He is totally, I don't know, staring at you in a not best friend like way I would say, but perhaps I am overreacting on that small part. Not saying that anything else I have told you is my overreaction speaking, I _know_ what I'm seeing and Aleks are doing... Argh, I can't explain what he is doing, but he is just doing things with you!" She ranted angrily, making my blood run cold.

"That's pretty normal I would think, friends do things with each other last I checked?" I objected, trying to stop this conversation to get on thinner ice. She glared at that, spitting out, "Still not what I mean! God help me, are you that oblivious? Or are you just denying to notice it, because you know it as much as I do?" She demanded, but I knew that she already knew which one it was. Best friends you know, Aleks had even said on a joke once that I liked her just because we were so alike, pointing towards that I just loved myself thus loved her.

Perhaps he was right, I see her more like a sister than anything else, not that she need to know that now. I don't fancy an early death or something, she is mad enough at me already. Thinking about it, what if he more like told himself that, making my relationship with her sound better in his ears if I just was in it because she was like a female version of me or whatever. Perhaps... If we ever get together again, or at least start speaking again I should ask him. At the mean time I should get this argument out of the way.

"Do we really have to speak about it like this, you only sound jealous right now and on a guy on top of that, there is nothing to worry about. Sometimes I just want to focus on my friends and I apologies for that, really, now let's just forget about it..." I tried calming her down, still words are hard to use so I it sounded less comforting then I had intended. She seethed with rage now, her eyebrows knitted together in a frown and she scowled at me.

"That didn't make any sense at all, now you're trying to finish this conversation by apologizing for things that aren't bothering me, it's not the lack of attention, you fool. It is Aleks that is the problem, you moron. I will spell this out for you, I. H A T E. Him and that's it, I can't sit by and watch you hang out with him anymore. I am even positive that he hates me just as much and you have to fucking choose now!" She gritted out, now demanding an answer. This was the exact thing I wanted to avoid....

In an act of refusing, I put my hands on either side of her neck, gently tilting her head up and kissing her hoping it was enough to get out of the situation. The only thoughts that flied through my head was comparing this kiss with kissing Aleks, kissing Aleks was so much better and Fate must hate me or something. Luck was not at my side at least. She broke the kiss, still glaring at me. She saw through it at once.

"I want an answer, Kristian, not some kiss that for all I know don't mean shit at all!" A woman's rage is the most terrifying thing in this world, at least Marie's rage. That could however be explained with the fact that she always was so quiet and kind, never really picking up her voice higher than normal chatting. I refrained to say anything again, just kissing her for a second, more sincerely time. She saw it as what it was. Me denying to choose, since there were no way I could do so without fearing to lose either one.

She broke it again, this time tears prickled in the corners of her eyes. She slapped me straight over the face in anger and hurt. "Fine... If you can't give me something that simple it would be better if we break up, I can't handle it if I feel like there is a fricking competition between me and your fucking _best friend over you_!" She flailed as she stormed off, harshly wiping tears that I saw streamed in flows down her cheeks.

I stood there, putting subconsciously a hand over my stinging cheek that already felt warm after the hit. I had done it, I should give myself a fucking applause. I haven't just lost Aleks, but also Marie in a span of four days. Con-fucking-grates. Can I just bury myself alive somewhere, waiting to life is worth doing again, or more like easier to do. I just fuck things up right now anyway.

I made my way slowly back to the class, and by some miracle it was at the same moment as the doors opened signalizing that the lunch recess was over. I worked like a zombie for the rest of the next hour, thus also the whole lesson. I didn't get anything into my cramped head, and I felt my anxiousness grow as time crawled past. I had fucked up. I had lost both when I could have at least kept one...

I am such a dick, Jesus help us all. I didn't care anymore, at least that's what I felt like, like nothing was important enough to make me care. It is stupid, but it is like I have lost everything in a couple of days. So when Mathias tried to get contact with me, luckily when the lesson was finished and without any teachers in sight to  witness it, I had done the same as what I had done with Marie. I had grabbed his face and dragged him into a kiss as to not answering to whatever he told me, which surprisingly wasn't broken right after like Marie had done twice.

I got lost in the kiss, for the few seconds it lasted and for the first time since I said those stupid words to Aleks that Friday I was at ease. Then people started reacting.

"HAH GAAAY~" was heard across the classroom by a certain someone making me jump away from Mathias and those satisfying lips of his. I am turning more and more gay for each day that are passing, I swear to god. Most of our classmates were stunned beyond words, not able to stutter out a single sentence. Soft giggling and badly covered squealing was soon disturbing the silence, by none other than four of the more special girls in the class Nate, Emily, Emi and Odasaur that obviously were trying to keep their masks. Which they were doing badly, or Emily just kind of grinned so she wasn't as obvious as the other three.

Some looked at us with knowing, perhaps a bit confused expressions, while at the same time glancing between me and... Yeah. I had forgotten about that. Correction about him, well he ditched me for Marius in the first place... I finally met Mathias bewildered face. Oh boy, I haven't only fucked up, I have also made my schooldays a lot more awkward too. I am bloody amazing aren't I. I think I should really consider the banging my head on a desk surface, maybe I wouldn't have made all this other mistakes if I had just done it the minute I thought it earlier today.

My mind jumped back at the thought of Aleks then. What the fuck must he think of me now?

* * *

**Aleksander's POV**

What the fuck is wrong with him?!

I had heard about the break up between Kristian and Marie seconds after it had happened, like it was totally the most shocking news of all time and had spread like fire in dry grass. Of course, stupid me, had thought that he actually did it for me or something and then he just fucking kisses **Mathias** in front of the whole class. What the hell?!

I had kept cool though, not losing my face to my feelings as I _knew_ that people let their insulting gazes travel over me indiscreetly with confusion before staring back at Kristian and... God damn it, I should just give up on him, I don't understand him at all. The lesson took forever to start, and then another forever and ever to be over so I could escape the eyes from everyone. You would have thought that it was I that had been kissed by Kristian and not Mathias. Judging by their looks, they had thought it was going to be me too.

Thanks Emily, yeah no one have a fucking clue about us drooling over each other. Jeez, thanks to him school is now going to be unbearable, I am fudging sure of it. I had never in my entire life packed my stuff faster or gotten out of the classroom as quickly as I did this day. People were struggling to get on their shoes as I were on my way out, thinking about how to not meet anyone in the class for the rest of the day.

Of course, not sooner than that I was grabbed to an halt. Fucking great, who is it that want to make my life any more miserable than it already is. To my fortune it was Marius who had grabbed a hold of me and he didn't say anything, somehow he already knew I realized.

"Let's go to my place..." He decided, and I felt that I had no strength to say otherwise so I nodded along letting him lead the way. Kissing guys and then join them home to them is slowly becoming a thing it seems, I hope nothing else is too. It's just so much I can comprehend in under a week if it isn't to be repeated with different person every time. But what do I know, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter a bit later than the other two but yay ^▽^ OKay a lot later, but it's been hard to write *_* But to show how sorry I am, it is a much longer chapter than the other two ^-^  
> But omg they are so cute~! I am totally not stalking them ^_~ Hope you enjoyed this uhm chapter, and also please tell me if there are some royal grammar fails or spelling yeah.  
> I have no idea where this is going and honestly it is going to be somewhat boring, at least I think so, but you couldn't exactly say I am a fan of my own stories or writings so yeaaah.  
> Just hoping I'm actually going to finish this, because that would have been fucking fantastic!


	4. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marius tackled me to the ground in a bone crushing embrace this time, how the hell he did so, I have no idea.  
> "Sorry, I am going to be possessive when you are so careless about the fact that you are in love with someone else and act like this with me!" he grumbled muffled into my back.  
> \---------
> 
> "What..? You really..." He sounded more than hopeful now, damn it.
> 
> "No, moron, I don't, I mean perhaps or? Bastard... Yeah I think so okay, can you get the fuck of me now?!" ...  
> This took a really unexpected turn, fuck everything and bury me alive already.

   
I blindly followed Marius home, completely in my own thoughts, but I trusted him enough, so I did not give a damn about staying focused on where we were going.  
I couldn't understand Kristian at all, and I would have thought that especially that part would be a piece of cake since he is my _best friend_ and we should understand each other _at least a little_ , but of course not. He is a riddle by himself and I don't know if I want to solve him. I am afraid of what I might find.

Stupid. I know I am. It is stupid how I am still afraid, even after I kinda found out that he have some sort of feelings for me like the ones I have for him, which I know won't just fly out of the window because I demand so. Even if this thing with Marius that I don't understand yet work out somehow, it is close to motherfucking impossible for these feelings for Kristian to disappear! Maybe it's different though. Another kind of fright.

Before I was afraid about what Kristian felt, if he felt the same for me as I did for him at all. Now I'm fucking afraid that I'm not the only one, or that I don't mean as much for him as I would like since it's what he means to me. Another thing that made me anxious as hell was the strange sensation I had to Marius. It wasn't like Kristian, but that is all that I made out of it. For so long I had thought I just saw him like my twin, someone who were slightly similar to me, that sort of friendship you know. I can't say I'm so sure anymore, the last four days have put my world upside down and it is somehow all my fricking fault! Or more like my damned body who started all this, with it's lovesick actions and thoughts, god damn it.

Well, honestly I probably began this crap, but it is those fucking morons fault that everything is so damned confusing and feelings, god all the feels, it is a motherfucking roller coaster going on here. I have fallen for an asshole and this thing with Marius. Have I fallen for him too? Am I in love with two persons at the same time, both guys to top it off? When did I swing so hard _that way?!_

Not that I won't deny it, because it is clear as day that I do, hell I even said I knew when it was just Kristian bothering my mind. Could it really be that I had the same feelings for them both, is that even possible?  I suppose if I think it through, it isn't that unusual. Still, do I really want some kind of threesome with them? That is probably the impossible part, so I am stuck with either the one or the other. Problematic feelings are annoying, Jesus fucking Christ I certainly did not sign up for this shit.

We arrived at his place not long after my mind started to go deeper into all this feeling business and I gratefully entered the real world by paying attention to my surroundings instead of the mess inside of my head. We ditched our outerwear and stuff in the hallway, making a straight line for the kitchen. I don't know with him, but I sincerely hope they have some emergency bacon laying around somewhere. "Hungry?" He smiled knowingly, and by some miracle or perhaps just knowing what my bacon craving face looks like, he conjured bacon from the fridge.

"Starving!" I almost drooled at the sight of the bacon. Can I just fucking kiss him now please? Damn I would marry him on the spot if he promised me bacon whenever I wanted or needed! The worst part I'm not shitting you either. I should actually ditch everyone for bacon anyway thinking about it, no more confusing feelings or drama or all that shit. Even thought that marriage won't last very long. It'll be over at the very first moment I'm starting to get hungry. It's pretty sad I have to say, how I am going to be such a terribly bad husband to my beloved bacon. At the same moment the thought hit me, I tore into the delicious piece of meat on the bed of butter and toast. I don't even feel guilty.

In my bliss, I did not notice that I was the only one eating before half through my second one when I caught Marius in staring silently at me. Now I felt a tad guilty, I didn't want to eat up all this godlike meat alone if he also wanted some, and come on who doesn't want bacon when they have bacon? "Aren't you gonna eat? You can't possibly mean I have to tear into all this bacon by myself, I am not some god or anything" I grinned at him through my mouthful. 

I thought I heard him mumble something like 'you do look like some, though', but he said it quietly enough that I wasn't completely sure if that was exactly what he said, so I shrugged it off. I shoved the pan with bacon and bread stubbornly towards him without a word, no way in hell he can pass up on bacon. He sighed lightly with a slight smile as he grabbed a slice of bread to butter it up. I kept  my eyes on him the whole time, not satisfied until he had taken the first bite. Then I resumed with my own, taken again by the blissful feeling.

Either am I a terribly slow eater, can't blame me I was eating the godliest meal ever, or he ate in a total rush since we both finished up at the same time. I unconsciously checked the clock. "Aren't your brother supposed to be here by now? If he lives home at all, I mean" I questioned when the thought popped up.

"Nah, he's not as much home anymore, I don't know what he's doing and I don't care in particular." Marius answered with a shrug, leaning his head in his left hand while staring at me. I wonder how long he has been staring like that, or how long he hasn't are probably a better question, not that I am about to ask anytime soon. That's just embarrassing. "Shall we go upstairs?" He added, finally getting his eyes off me as he led the way knowing I would not hesitate to follow.

He walked straight for the Xbox, turning both it and the TV on and handed me a controller without a word. "Fifa okay with you?" He suggested in an after thought. Well, not my favorite game, but it is easy enough so why not. "Yeah, sure" I intoned. We sat in concentrating silent for a while, the only sound coming from the TV and the controllers as we played. Well I don't think we exactly concentrated on the game, either of us. At least my mind kept wavering to everything that happened today, and I guess his did too, because we played really shitty. I at least scored a goal, which should have been almost impossible for me since he is much better in Fifa than I will ever be.

It have something to do about the fact that he plays it a lot more than me. Halfway through though, I felt him wrap himself around me from behind my back like a koala. I kept playing  for a minute or so, but it was no point when he didn't play himself. I turned the game to pause, pushing his hands away just to turn around in his embrace and return it. I did however refuse to look him into the eye, doing so by hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

I felt his hands moving along my back, exploring in soothing rings. I felt his hot breath right beside my ear and I scooted even closer into his embrace. It should be illegal to be so fucking comfortable to cuddle with, I swear to my holy bacon. We sat there for quite a while, enjoying the others company and ignoring the stupid music and sounds that still could be heard from the television.

Then he broke it by picking up the matter that I would rather forget already. Maybe not the event in the toilet stall, again what is it with the schools toilet stalls? I am going to stick my previous theory about the rainbow magic that sprinkles gay feelings for best friends because that actually seems pretty legit in a strange way. That it makes sense, that is something different completely.

"The problems with Kristian, did it get worse or better after the uhm... little show, you know what I mean" He asked hesitantly in a hushed voice by my ear, as if it was a big secret he was trying to find out of. Maybe he wanted to give me the choice to answer or ignore him instead, at least I knew what he meant. Not that I wanted to dig into it, couldn't we stay like this for hours, it would be much more preferable if you ask me. A rude poke between my ribs forced me to answer,  so scratch the earlier theory.

"I suppose you could say worse." I sighed reluctantly, shoving my head harder into his clavicle in an attempt to make him drop it. Contrary to take the damned hint, he rather had to force me to look into those suddenly hypnotic grey blue eyes of his, when did they become like that? Damn me. I give up on god, can Satan please save me now. "Everyone kept staring at you after that I noticed, or from Kristian to you and back again... I think they were betting that if he would kiss a guy it would be you. Why is that?" He speculated, staring into my eyes.

I was so close to say, so what? How can I testify to what they bet about me and Kristian. Well, I was close, but his eyes stopped me, to hell with them. He seemed confused by it and just wanted to know. How could I deny him that by keeping away from the subject. I wanted to tell him the truth, at the same time what would he think? Would he stop caring for me? Nah it ain't that easy, then I would probably done the same with Kristian already. Who am I kidding really...

"Well, for some it was obvious for some reason or another that we had taken a liking in each other, therefore assuming we would show it for the whole class when we supposedly come together I guess." I sputtered, unable to keep his gaze for long. I had practically told about my crush for Kristian. I glanced at his face when he just kept silence, and while he looked unfazed he was on the contrary more tense.

"So these problems are like that I presume..." He gritted out, his eyes neglecting to meet mine. Oh god more drama, I don't need this. Without even thinking over it I made him look up at me by pushing his chin up, only to press my lips to his for a brief moment. "Yeah, they are like that and it is all his fault I must add, which he does not make any better either, as I think you can guess after the act he did last recess so please do not turn into some possessive bastard over it." I snapped, kissing him a last time before turning towards the television, wanting to get my mind off everything for a moment at least. 

I apparently wasn't allowed such pleasure. Not a motherfucking surprise. Marius tackled me to the ground in a bone crushing embrace this time, how the hell he did so, I have no idea. Probably soccer training of some sort, I at least am going to put the blame there. "Sorry, I am going to be possessive when you are so careless about the fact that you are in love with someone else and act like this with me!" he grumbled muffled into my back.

"I'm not careless, I would not have any problems then would I?! I wish I didn't have this enormous love, whatever, in Kristian since it is more a bother than anything else and if you understand that much can you please stop being so dense??! I fucking act like this because I love you too somehow, you dimwitted fool!" I blurted out in rage, immediately flushing a deep red.

Why the hell did I say that? "I-I mean..." I screeched flailing to get away from him. Which deemed to be hard as he tighten the grip a few notches keeping me in place underneath him. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. "What..? You really..." He sounded more than hopeful now, damn it.

"No, moron, I don't, I mean perhaps or? Bastard... Yeah I think so okay, can you get the fuck of me now?!" My blush was fricking intense as I stuttered out this some sort of confession thingy. This took a really unexpected turn, fuck everything and bury me alive already. He rolled off me with ease, that happy fucking Christmas smile on his face now which I saw through my peripheral vision. He did however not let me lose for long, that shithead. I tried to stumble back up to sit on my ass again, cursing as I did. When this dumbass had tackled me to the ground my ribs hadn't gone unhurt from the meeting with the floor and that I had to pay for now, all because of his idiocy.

I refused to look at him, oh how I regret doing that. Like the motherfucking asshole he is showing to be, he tackled me right down again, more gently this time I noted. My back did not hit the ground anywhere near as hard now like my ribs had done previously. He had me locked in place so I had no other choice then to face him, I couldn't hide my red face in any way so he had a clear view of the flustered look I was sporting. "Cute..." He breathed, still with the gigantic smile of his. I swear his face is going to split in two if he doesn't stop.

"Who are you calling cute, you damned dork..." I grunted, unwilling to even glance up at him, thus keeping my gaze at everything else. Why did I yet again find myself in such a situation. I should give him a medal for actually not kissing me as I thought he would, it is beginning to become a trend so I don't even care to do anything to take control over it anymore. That said, I don't even know if I could have either. What he did on the other hand, was to slump on top of me, clinging to me as if life depended on it. Surely this couldn't be real? It was obvious that it was what flew through his head.

I awkwardly put my hands around him, reassuring that it was in fact reality. He raised his head then, viewing me with new eyes one would think. He smiled giddy and there it was, I was to fast with my last statement. He drew me closer and I felt enchanted as I leaned into him back, our lips meeting in a fiery kiss. Marius portrayed less reluctant to let his hands explore, they were pulling me closer at one point before one found it's under my shirt and the other were behind my neck, fingers tangling into my hair and softly tugging on the strands. It all was so abrupt and unforeseen I was at a loss, shuddering under his control.

He apparently knew what he was doing. An unexpected moan left my lips, swiftly drowning unto his and he lapped it up satisfied. I felt a probing, wet muscle seeking access to my mouth. Unsure I let him do as he wanted, quickly entrapped in a mindless state where everything was a stark white bliss and I loved it. Out of nowhere Marius had tugged  my shirt off, that my eyes only got a glimpse off while it sailed to some foreign corner for the time being.

This made it much more easily for him to get physical contact, his hands roaming over every little patch of flesh. Every touch was like an electrical shock, my head swimming both purrs and deafened moans vibrating in the back of my throat. This I surely could get used to. Right at that moment when everything was literally going southwards two sharp knocks interrupted our moment, and I broke away scooting backwards. Where the hell did my shirt go?!

The door swung open and his father stood in the doorstepping. I desperately tried to keep my face from blazing red of embarrassment, luckily my blood reacted slow conflicting about go down or up. I was so flustered, but still so fucking aroused it was darn inappropriate when his motherfucking father stood there quite puzzled inspecting the stage in front of him. This is not how I planned to come out to anyone, shirtless trying to control my panting to a minimum and doubtless absolutely red in the face.

"You boys having fun?" His father pointed out with raised eyebrows. I finally spotted my shirt and discretely grasped it, knowing I won't get it on without raising suspicion. I'll just ride this shirtless, I guess. "Yeah, playing some Fifa and Aleks here is getting a bit aggressive because he is losing~" Marius drawled teasingly.

How the hell... Can you just do that shit? He have to be some god, his father even believed him, fucking chuckling as he left. "Aleks, remember it's just a game 'Kay?" His father winked at me and closed the door after him. I was internally weighing if I should either kiss him for that fabulous saving or glare at him for embarrass me in a whole different way. I decided to do both, this time keeping it short since we knew that his father was home now, thanks for any warning that wasn't given. I clearly wanted to avoid almost getting caught in the act again. He just smiled sweetly at me and well, I'll just say that I spent more time in his lap after that than on the floor.

He refused to let me go...  
I have to admit he made me forget every thought about... _everything_ for some mere hours, even those involving Kristian that I had convinced myself would probably never leave. They did come back at the very first second after I had walked through the door to my bedroom at home, but Marius had erased every little bad thing that had happened the last days with just being him and if I wasn't already falling really hard for him I would have done so by now.

I needed it, I realized. To get my mind over on other things which didn't wreck me inside. I sensed gratefulness flood through me, more than what the bacon had given me shockingly. Of course, he isn't here now and thus making all the problems, all that fucking shit I had got the chance to escape, over flooding back unto me. I groaned in agonize, slumping into bed. Mondays are hell, maybe Tuesday will be better, I can only hope can't I?

....

Tuesday started with silence. Everyone was unusual quiet, Josh didn't even play that awful music he always blasted on full volume and I kept to Marius, not even pretending to keep my eyes off Kristian, my eyes didn't travel to him at all, too occupied with Marius. What a liberating feeling that was. So anyway, when class started it was like death was standing in the room instead of our very lovable teacher Gloria. It was silence like in a grave, no one dared whispering to each other which I had no clue why.

Not even Evan complained about some math problems he didn't understand or that math was boring, not a fricking word! Gloria kept chattering on, making stupid jokes no one really find funny at all, it was more how she performed them, but nothing. I was almost worried if there was something in the air, and if so I hope it wasn't contagious. "What is it with you this morning, I know it is early in the week to have math especially in the morning, still you have never been so out of it like you've been today?!" Gloria declared a bit annoyed.

"I would think it was because of the episode yesterday, Kristian kissed Mathias and everyone has been out of it since." Someone supplied, sounding bored with it, who appeared to be Nate. I won't say it was unexpected that she said so, it was more how she said it, would have thought she would have been a lot more excited out of the expression I have from her. Gloria cast her a surprised look, moving over to the two guilty ones where only Kristian had turned a darker shade before she erupted in laughter.

"Pardon me, really.. It just sounds a bit stupid..." She confessed in between laughter. She is truly amazing, can't deny that. Her words made me snort, yeah no shit about that, and for some reason everyone heard it and turning immediately towards me. That must have loosened them up somehow, I don't have a clue how. Everyone kinda chuckled nervously along with Gloria, someone commenting to the one beside them and it worked itself out. God, wait no I gave up on that jerk, Satan bless Gloria and Nate for their bluntness.

Gloria saw everyone calming down and started on with the lecture once again, hushing us down. Gloria could be really strict sometimes, but she was an awesome teacher really. The rest of the hour flied past doing math homework while Gloria sometimes would stifle a giggle, that was always amusing to watch. I am proud to say that I actually got something done, all's well that ends better I should say.

Next class, gymnastic. This is so going to be the most awkward hour in my life, or maybe more the ten minutes I use to shower and dress yeah. Holy bacon, please give me your strength.

....

Showering was, as I had predicted, awkward. Conflicted between staying to be the last out or rushing to be the first and get the hell out of there I sadly stayed too long. Standing beside Kristian instantly made my stomach flutter, Marius not making it any better by standing on the other side. I was almost tempted to bang my head multiple times in the wall to cool down my both racing mind and heart.

One of them left quickly enough, only that it was Marius and I was left _alone_ with Kristian. Can I please not flip shit over, and please heart refrain from getting a heart attack, I believe in you! One does not simply keep calm as you stand beside your crush and your both buttnaked so I can understand my raising heart race pretty well. No, don't even. I can't think like that about him.

I will only get hurt yet again.

"Aleks..." Kristian voiced, seeming hesitant to whatever he wanted to say, keeping his tone dangerously low. He bit his lip, my mind totally flipping at the sight. Not over it, not over it one bit. How am I to survive? "I... I wronged you, I realize that now.. Or I knew that the moment I said those words and I am so. So. So sorry for it I swear. I shouldn't have compared those together. I don't ask for forgiveness, I would not have forgiven myself either... I had to tell you never the less." He murmured softly, shooting me a pained glance.

Can you not, god damn you? I can't fucking choose between them and what about the thing with Mathias and what about _every fucking little thing_ that has make this unbearable? Jesus Christ, I can't escape anyhow. He had walked closer, I noticed to late and he swooped me into a kiss. I am a kissing doll, yup that's all I am. I have cracked the code for my entire existent, everyone can go the fuck home I have won. 

It was short, over in a dash and I lost all function for a while. "You know you can't kiss everyone to get out of trouble or whatever, why kissing me? And what about the one with Mathias? What is wrong with you?!" I growled, hurting myself by saying the words. It was not the word I wanted to speak, but I couldn't take it. Now I understand how Marius felt about what I said yesterday.

He may be as pained as he showed me, and I am an asshole for being that cold with him after he apologized for the one problem I had been struggling with. Still he seemed so careless when he kissed me, it could be since he had kissed Mathias yesterday and no doubt it was, I won't lie to myself, thus making it so much harder to believe. He could perhaps have the same dilemma as me, liking us both, being unable to choose and just fucking shit up everywhere. Yeah all those complications.

What I truly desired, was to take him into my arms, cradle him and showering him with love. I did not just want to receive, but give too. I think they both have forgotten that, they surely want to show their love for me, that I have seen, they did however never reach to me if there was something. It hit me, I had never showed them that they could. It was not if they were willing or not.

They did not even know if they were allowed too. I had been so up my own ass with these issues of my own to notice. I may love them as much as I bloody hell want to, won't mean a shit if I can't even show them in a proper way, only responding to what they say and do are honestly not enough.

I didn't get the chance to do that with Kristian, he had left in a hurry while I had been speculating. I have to start paying attention to other things while I'm thinking, or I'll fail as a human being.

I tumbled out of the shower stalls shortly after hearing the door open and closing. Kristian, for sure. I dried off quickly, knowing I had not sparse with time before next class began. Not a shock that I only had on my boxers and a t-shirt, when I felt someone flush against my back. I knew it was Marius. Leaning backwards into his touch, I sighed happily. "Class is about to start, you know" I reminded him.

He nodded into my neck, not letting go. " I have to dress..." I added guilty, finally getting released from his grip. I hurried into the rest of my clothes, drying my hair and all that be damned. On my way out, I was blocked by this, what? could it be he was jealous, moron. "You shall not pass..." He challenged, half serious and half joking, even quoting Lotr for me. He had his cute moments, I have to admit.

"I'll get around you easy enough" I teased, stepping closer. He smirked, also taking a step forwards. "We'll see about that, pretty boy" He winked, closing off another step. This could be my chance. I closed of all space between us, drawling innocently.

"Prove it."

He was caught slightly off guard, but taking the hint Marius grabbed hold of me. Our lips met in a searing kiss, tongues joining in quicker this time than last. I was not the only on the receiving end this time, giving back with the same speed and hunger as he was. Hands finding their ways under clothes and in hair, he tugging at mine yet again. In the heated moment we had moved without sensing so ourselves, stumbling down on a bench. Marius hit his head and we both winched at the compact with the concrete, then the lust ran over us again.

I was sprawled on his lap, our lips kissing each other as if some holy god demanded it. Bacon, you cheeky bastard. We broke apart for the slightest second  panting for breath and my shirt was mysteriously halfway off me. I wonder why? I had only just become inhumanly aroused when the moment was broken by someone grabbing the door handle, trying to force it open. Oh crap, class! We untangled from our self, unlocking the door and sprinting past the guys from one of the parallel class.

Oh, well this surely won't look suspicious at all, no, no way at all someone would be suspicious. Jeez, I'm sure of two things, one I'm completely utterly fucked, if this keeps up everyone one will know in no time at all! Two, I have to patch things between myself and Kristian. Or else I'm going to go mad, that I know. Let's add a third one, shall we? I will need a lot of bacon these days if  I am to survive, won't you agree?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, because I was going full out on my dorkiness and yeah Bacon. I don't even know why I started writing about it x3  
> So I used a lot of time and pondering and I will just say if it weren't for one of my best friend I would still be on the part right after the bacon scene I am sure of it (>.^) Next chapter will take a while because of school and theater so yeah ^^


	5. Stuff happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like if there had been some light missing all time, it suddenly flickered on exposing something I never had realized before as the fact struck me with lightning speed. Fuck. Why hadn't I understood so earlier, I had practically thought so?!  
> \---  
> On point I heard Josh yell from the end of the corridor, "Get a room will ya?!" then erupt with laughter, some joining in awkwardly while others slightly smiled and leaving in a sudden hurry. I literally walk directly into these situations a lot these days...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Half the time nothing I write makes any sense, and I only have fun doing this because I am a fucking dork and laugh about what I write, I'm hilarious k.=^-^=

**Kristian's POV**

I kept my eyes off them as they barely made it to class. Of course the teacher just waved it away, he was like that, not really minding if we came a couple of minutes late or just barely made it as long as we were there before he started explaining stuff or else we had to sing, tell a joke or dance at the end of the class. Rather chill actually. If perhaps a bit weird.

Not the point however. I knew Aleks wouldn't forgive me right away after what I did, and I am sure I screwed it up even more by kissing him afterwards. At least it had looked like he started to think through my words, judging by the expression he was sporting when I unfashionably got the hell out of there, even though I had done something incredibly stupid. He had pointed out something important though. God I am so fucking embarrassed after I kissed Mathias in front of the whole class! Everyone have given me odd glances since then. 

Thinking about it, not from Mathias... In fact he acted completely normal, like if nothing had happened at all. He hadn't even flinched when Nate had informed Gloria about the kiss, maybe he didn't care? Maybe he didn't mind? It seems, however little I want to, I have to ask him about it. I have to know what is going on inside his head now.

I can't even focus on one topic at a time, gosh my head hurts from all this thinking and feeling, why does being human have to be so exhausting?

Oh, how I love people eying me so glaring obvious that it is nearly impossible to not catch them in doing so. Would have thought that two guys kissing was something completely alien for them, maybe they actually are so dense. Even if the kiss was really embarrassing, I don't regret it in any way, you could say I didn't really mind it and perhaps even liked it.

Finally we were allowed to continue on the knives shafts we were making, my mind becoming blank as I began working. It was reliving that it didn't need me to think about what I did, I just had to focus that I didn't ruin anything which didn't need any consideration really, letting me turn off my troubling mind for a while.

My eyes kept wandering from the task on hand though, how did no one react or pick up on Marius and Aleks, and their constant gushy giggling or the gross eye fucking that almost made you _feel_ them undress each other with their eyes. I get the chills just by _thinking_ about it, and.. imaginably a bit... You know what let's just leave the sentence there, it's obviously on a perverted road I would more than a little like to refrain from acknowledge.

I must admit, not that I will ever do so out loud, that Marius in many ways could be better for Aleks than myself. It's hard to explain really, I just think they understand each other better and they have practically been like twins with that kind of friendship. They seemed more connected with the other and if I have to be completely honest they fitted rather good together.

To explain it in a easier way, when everything comes down to it Aleks needs Marius. Like I need Mathias. Like if there had been some light missing all this time, it suddenly flickered on exposing something I never had realized before as the fact struck me with lightning speed. Fuck. Why hadn't I understood so earlier, I had practically thought so?!

\-----

I was absolutely lost in this new realization that I didn't care about my own surroundings as I left in a quicker pace when class ended than I had done yesterday. In my hurry of getting out and absent from reality I collided right into some poor innocent person, barely avoiding a uncomfortable meeting with the floor on top of them. Luckily they had good balance and kept us both on our feet while also holding the most of my weight up.

"Ah! Sorry, didn't mean to run you down!" I hastily apologized, finally facing up to properly thank my savior, a meeting with the floor will never sound even a bit appealing. My eyes met with brilliant, light blue ones and I silently cursed my luck. It was no other than Mathias in flesh and blood, with supporting hands on my hips while mine rested on his shoulder after the collision.

On point I heard Josh yell from the end of the corridor, "Get a room will ya?!" then erupt with laughter, some joining in awkwardly while others slightly smiled and leaving in a sudden hurry. I literally walk directly into these situations a lot these days... I got a glance off Aleks leaving, looking grim in comparison with how he acted throughout the lesson, Marius only steps behind him. 

In clear desperation of this chaos I lent on Mathias shoulder, putting weight on him yet again. I am a terrible person by dragging him down with me. "Kristian, it's okay no harm done, I swear!" He smiled all innocent, not knowing. Or perhaps he did. I don't know if I hoped I he did or rooting for that he did not.

I had literally no clue what to do, choking back the words that were close to spill off my lips. Mathias wrapped his arms properly around me, closing off the little space between us. Not making things easier for me.

I threw small glances around us, clarifying that we were indeed alone now before determinedly facing him again. Those stark blue eyes stared confused back at me, and he willingly lent closer towards me when I led his face to mine while tangling my fingers into the small locks of his hair on the back of his head. Our lips met in a tender kiss, and I knew he got the message without needing me to preach it.

One led to another, leading to some more before I broke the spell at last with a single small peck to his lips, every one of them soft and delicate without impatient, or harshness to it like the first one from yesterday. My mind felt utterly blown away by the subtle kisses, the touch of his lips against mine making me shudder with excitement, or maybe it was lust, for more.

"You ruin me..." I sighed happily, pecking a small trail of kisses towards his earlobe, letting instincts control my actions. "I think you are speaking rubbish now, I ruin you? Do you even know what you do to me right now in this very second??" He breathed out heavily, the brush of air snaking it's way down my neck.

I smiled into his skin. Is it wrong of me to nearly feel like a slut? One should have an impression that I am one, but believe me this is totally new while somewhat old. I have probably had these feelings a while, yet I haven't addressed them before. It's funny how you unanticipated find something totally new about yourself, like where did that even come from?

"I make you hot and bothered I guess~" I stated teasingly, a groan from the other part confirming the statement. It was then I released him, stepping a few centimeters away from him for a second. A whine and grasping hands was the quick respond to the swift distant. I chuckled, shaking my head on his willingness and desperate boldness. He was rather cute like that.

Without granting his entire wish, I only tilted his head enough to plant a small kiss on his lips. Mhm, I will never get tired off those lips. Also I guess I have gotten a pretty certain answer for one of my earlier questions, without asking too.

"Want to hang around now, we can go to the cafe, Nuno, and try get some homework done or something?" I asked slightly nervous, forcing myself to stay confident. He studied me for only a second, seeming a bit confused which I suppose isn't surprising, before giving me one of those broad smile of his. Damn have I ever said how fucking adorable it is?

"Sure, but only if we get really get some homework done!" He teased with that charming smile of his, I know you always hear about people in books getting weak kneed because of their crush and that it is totally cliche, but I swear that smile may even make me faint. According to the storm of butterflies in my stomach at least.

\-------

We were lucky and snatched a corner all the way inside, nice and as private as it could be in a cafe. I walked up to the checkout and ordered two hot chocolates, which is the best one I have ever tasted and while we first were there why don't chug down some hot chocolate and vanilla milk with cream with more chocolate sauce on top. Probably wasn't the most healthy drink, but you're just young once in a lifetime so why not enjoy it as long as it lasts.

"Hot chocolate? Really? It isn't that cold outside anymore!" Mathias chuckled, eying the warm chocolate flavored milk.

"Don't tell me you have never tasted their hot chocolate?! I know it isn't cold outside, but trust me this is golden and just taste it, you're going to say the same believe me!" I cheered on, taking a savoring sip from my glass, while relishing the taste of the chocolate flavored explosion in my mouth. Mathias just shook his head, the adorkable smile never leaving his face as he watched me. Only when I had swallowed and let out a big, happy sigh, he took a testing sip from his own glass.

I couldn't resist staring at him, how his face changed from unsure to pleasant surprised before taking another sip. I did however cease to laugh of him, since he looked so much like a puppy like that it was hilarious to look at. "You're right, it is absolutely delicious!" He exclaimed after downing half the glass, making me chuckle for real.

"You shouldn't even think about doubting me, tsk tsk what am I to do with you?" I joked, enjoying the hopeful gaze he sent me while mumbling seductively, "Oh I know a few things you can do, without me minding so." He smirked, keeping our eyes locked and I have to say that smirk is infectious. We probably look like some dorks just sitting there smirking at each other, not that I mind it, feeling so free about my emotions is a really good feeling you know.

"Homework, perhaps?" I said in a teasing tone, to completely ruin the mood. What? He was the one saying he needed to get some done. He let out a sigh, his smirk softening into that brilliant smile of his. "Yeah, that's what we're here for, if I remember correctly. Sadly. Can you move to sit over here? I'm going to need you're help with half of it" He declared, scooping up the books from his backpack.

"I thought I was here so  we could hang out, not to be your tutor!" I enunciated teasingly, already moving over to his side. He stuck out his tongue at me, and I must have more self control than I was aware off since I restrained from taking the opportunity to have a hot and messy make out session with him, or it could be that I knew we sat in public. It would have been a bit inappropriate and all that.

I scooted over to his side, our feet all up to our knees pressing flush against each other and it stirred a wave of butterflies tormenting my stomach with this happy giddiness. I shook my head, scowling at myself to keep in mind where we were, concentrating on what books he had pulled up and now lied open in front of us. "What is it you need help with exactly?"

"English and math mostly..." Mathias replied with a slight blush. That was the first time I have seen his cheek brighten to a soft shade of red, saying a lot about him. I forced to keep a schooled face, not letting my face split into a grin at him, who knows he may take it the wrong way.

Leaning over I snatched his math workbook, scanning through it. Only a few of the first pages had something actually written on them. I sighed inwardly, this would take longer than expected and we only had a couple of hours on us.

"We should probably start with English, or else we might not get done today" I suggested, with a slightly teasing edge and gave back his book. Our fingers touched and a lightning fire spread through my whole body by that single little touch. It keeps pestering me that I keep reacting to these small things, my face flushing and heart quickening, my mouth feels dry and I crave more like some damned virgin, worse of all I can't even understand why it is happening.

"You alright?" Mathias asked concerned when I didn't move for a while, my eyes glued to him and my heart flipping out like mad something he must be hearing, no way he can't. I quickly retreated my eyes from him, turning away to get my own English books in an excuse to calm the fuck down.

We sat in silent while we started on our English tasks, but not even ten minutes later Mathias sat like a live living question mark. I smiled softly when I noticed the look upon his face.

"Need any help with that?" I questioned in a whisper, only inches away from his face. It got the reaction I wanted out of him when he jumped and blushed furiously, for the second time, with an ashamed nod of his head. He seemed to get more embarrassed about school related stuff than by kissing me in front of everybody. I snickered and grabbed after his book. Ouch, his English aren't any better than his math knowledge... I marked some of the smaller mistakes before handing it back.

"I think I need to guide you through the whole thing, only if you want me though" I hastily insisted. He nodded, a wash of relief traveling over his face and a smile accompanying it. We slowly worked our way through each single task, so concentrated on our work we didn't note how we slowly scooted even closer than before.

\-----

"Great god, finally done with that assignment, never thought it would take so long!" I groaned, leaning back in my seat. Mathias simply leaned his cheek in the palm of his hand, gazing gratefully at me. My eyes fixed on those stark blue of his, hypnotizing me with their beauty and I couldn't keep from watching them. We sat so damn close that when I let my hand rest between us I could feel his brush against mine.

Moving my hand slightly I caught his hand in mine and it was silly how this warm, fussy feeling washed through me because of that we sat like that for a whole eternity, at least that was what it resembled like as we lost the track of time in each others eyes, a voice the solely reason we snapped back to the present.

"Oh awww, doesn't you two look like a couple~" It quipped, the comment making my eyes fly from Mathias brilliant blue eyes to find the source of the voice, discretely letting go of Mathias hand to brush it through my hair.

It was Chris and some other guys I use to hang with at school during breaks, and it was clear as day that they were only joking as they laughed amongst each other and reached over to lightly punch me in the shoulder. Nevertheless I felt my face heathen up when I made some lame-ass retort I don't even remember what was anymore, luckily whatever it was it made them leave as quickly as they came, laughing as they went.

The tension between us was so thick you could probably cut it in half with a saw after the guys left. Now, for the first time, we _both_ had taken to a much darker shade of red and refused to look each other in the eyes again. When everything was going so well! If we look past the love eyes we sent each other and got lost into for a moment there.

"Math?" Mathias asked, but it was more like a statement than a question to me. I gave him a curt nod and we got our books out in silent. We worked for a hour or so, all the while I watched him struggle through maybe ten tasks. At last I knew he wouldn't get halfway done if I didn't help him, therefore without saying anything I lent over to scribble down the formulation which explained mostly about how to solve the next couple of taskes in a more simple way than how it was showed in the book.

He shot me a grateful glance with those puppy dog blue eyes of his, thereupon resuming working. My heart skipped a beat when our eyes met, I felt it through my whole body. It sensed like somebody pushing you off a cliff so suddenly that you don't even know what to think. Time stops and all that exist is that moment of stillness however briefly it is, when that moment is over everything starts moving, only faster and you hit rock bottom without knowing it as life keeps going forwards, leaving you behind.

Plainly due to the little stop you went through alone, and it is so ridiculous most of the time, especially considering what triggered it. Out of the thousands of scenarios that could have triggered it, only a single glance, a short meeting eye to eye made the whole world leave me behind or so it seems for me right in this moment as I can't stop staring at Mathias, who is in deep concentration over his Math homework which I in fact should be doing as well.

Ah... I should but I can't, there's absolutely no way I can even trick my self to thinking that I can do a single task more. There's to much going inside this head of mine to even consider doing anything reasonable in a proper way, it will only come out as half-assed and I'm just not that kind of person. I can leave it for another time, hopefully.

I picked up my phone which had been resting on the corner of our table the whole time to mindlessly go through Facebook. I almost dropped it when a certain someone slumped into my side. Mathias rested his whole body against my shoulder and I felt my heart race at this sudden physical contact. My eyes found his and I read how exhausted he was by just studying his eyes.

"I'm bored and tired of this, can we do something else now?" He muttered, his breath tickling across my skin with every word as he clearly pronounced how bored and tired he was.

"Sure, we got a lot of time on our hands before you have to catch your train so what do you want to do?" I questioned matter of factly, I knew what I wanted, but that was hell of a lot more inappropriate that I should not even stray the thought at all considering the circumstances. Mathias didn't make a slightest example of wanting to move from where he comfortably lent on my shoulder as he began pondering on the question.

"Maybe go to a place that are a bit more private I suppose" He murmured, facing me with a small smile on his face. I dared to get my hopes up, which fell as quickly as sand in an hourglass when he continued. "We could go to the football court and yeah"

"Sure, why not?" I intoned, hiding the minor disappointment I felt by his innocence. We packed up in silent and said goodbye to the cashier as we walked out of the cafe. Walking side by side I only felt the urge to grab his hand in mine. It wasn't that I was afraid to do it, but I didn't want to make the same mistake twice and I don't know where I have him at yet.

We kiss and are somewhat affectionate towards each other in public, but we didn't talk about it, I had no idea what we _were._ We hadn't established if we were a couple or if this was just some fluke and tomorrow everything would be back to normal. It probably wouldn't do that, but really what did I know?

\----

We got lucky, I seem to have a bit of that today, and found a ball laying around on the court. We played around with it, making a contest about who could hit the goal in all sorts of different ways. I hadn't been doing this since practice last Thursday and I felt relaxed at once by the movement that was required shooting the ball towards the goal. How I ran the two meters towards the ball, using one foot to cease moving any further while sending the other flying to kick the ball so it sailed through the air and hopefully into the net.

I was just about to set in my fifth goal, Mathias already under me with only three, when all of a sudden he was on my back making me tumble and regretfully hitting the ball so it only rolled a few centimeters before halting to a stop again. Then the weight of him made me fall. I groaned as I turned around to lay on my back, forcing Mathias to move halfway off me too. He repelled from getting completely off, resting his head on his arm laying across my chest, keeping his gaze on me.

I met his eyes and we both burst out in laughter without any reason. When my laughter died to a soft chuckle, I sat abruptly up from the ground. Despite having a laughing fit it still wasn't an appealing meeting with the ground.

"Sorry~, I had no idea I was so heavy that you couldn't even hold me up for 2 seconds" He teased, smiling apologetic at me and dear god, too cute, too cute! I had no control over my body when I tackled him to the ground and hovered over him. He had begun laughing again and that endearing look he sported, a big brilliant smile with laughter erupting from them as he looked up at me with eyes that fucking glittered with fondness.

I felt my heart melt with happiness by only seeing him like this. He took me by surprise when he wrapped his arms around my neck to pull me down with him which made me yelp as our foreheads crashed together. Mathias face twisted in pain, but the smile plastered on his face never left and he outright giggled when the worst of the pain left.

The next thing that happened was a pair of lips colliding into mine and everything became unimportant, all that existed was this moment, this second, all that mattered was his lips against mine like two pieces put together only to show it is a perfect match, forgetting about the few patches with cold snow around us or the threat that _anyone_ could come here on this very public place where kids love to hang around.

It did. I jinxed myself, and children screams could be heard before any was in sight. I broke the trance to look down at him, questioning with my eyes if he wanted me to get off. His face was flushed red and he panted softly, but he didn't push me off him or seeming to be uncomfortable in any way. Feeling conflicted I straightened up to sit on my knees, only then realizing what kind of position we were in.

I was planted in between his legs, which was forced to stay apart on either side of me and along with us both being slightly breathless and red-faced it looked suspiciously like we had gone a step further than just casually making out as if life depended on it. We pretend it does. As the laughter and shouting came even closer I felt fear for some strange reason cripple inside every inch of me.

"Time to go perhaps?" I chuckled nervously, casting a glance towards where the sounds came from and back at Mathias. Despite the clear look of disappointment on his face, he nodded in understanding. I sighed in relief and leaned into him for a second to plant a chaste kiss on those very kissable lips.

I got to my feet in an instant and extended him a hand. He grabbed it gratefully. After helping him back on his feet I dragged him along towards our stuff that we had abandoned by the goal, trying to not care so much about the fact that I refused to release him or that he just clenched my hand tighter into his grip. A goofy smile immediately splitted onto my face and my whole  body fluttered at the hold we kept on each other.

When the children ran onto the court, a chilling insecurity filled me and I felt frozen to the spot as some of them glanced towards us. My mind raced, my palm started producing more sweat than ever and my heart pace became some notches faster than just a second ago. They did however not dwell on us for long and turned away quickly, instantly starting to squeal and laugh with their friends and I could finally breath again.

It just felt overwhelming to let other see me like this, I didn't know what or how to do this and at the total least I don't know what to expect other people to do. I know some can be kinda homophobic and this fear of not knowing what may happen freaks me out like nothing else. Mathias smiled at me, and I was lost in him again and world didn't matter for a second.

The ten minutes walk to the train station washed every insecurity out of my head and at the end I didn't even realize his hand was still clasped in mine. At last I had to let him go for him to take the train, but not before dragging him behind a more secluded corner to give him a final goodbye kiss.

"One would think that there were no tomorrow by the way you act, relax a bit yeah? I'll see you tomorrow and well there is always some secluded places when we need them" Mathias teased and gave me a taunting wink that went straight down to my groin. I did not ask for this, what even is this? He was gone before I had my thoughts on the right place to ask.

Well, well, there is tomorrow.

* * *

 

**Aleksander's POV**

I felt jealousy swirl in the pit of my stomach. I knew why, and it wasn't like it was because Kristian spent time with Mathias. I had already agreed with myself that that wasn't the problem, no I was jealous of that they could do it so openly without seeming to care. It also was that Mathias had developed a relationship with Kristian like I wanted, so it wasn't Mathias I was jealous on but their relationship.

I wanted to fix things with Kristian, to set things straight. Not that it would be very straight though. Yesterday I had fumed with jealousy, not that I had noticed it. Marius had and I could tell by the hurt look in his eyes he thought it was something else. He had pointed it out right before we went our separate ways and with the fact that I am to coward to do anything slightly affectionate in full view of people I couldn't say or do anything. 

Somehow, someway I have to solve how to tell him about this strange concept of mine. My thoughts were a complete disaster through the three first classes, just vaguely registering some of the important information the teachers gave us. Holy bacon, if I don't get this shit on track soon I'm fucked when exams start.

When lunch time rolled along I ached to talk to Kristian, since I hadn't gotten the chance yet. Marius had been reserved from me all day, but I knew I had to take that later. When Kristian walked out of the classroom alone and I saw in the corner of my eye Marius talking to Aidan and Mathias I grabbed the chance.

"Kristian, we have to talk!" I demanded when I reached him. He looked puzzled at me, hope filling his eyes at once. I felt a bit uncomfortable by doing this so openly in the hallway where everyone have to walk through to get out of the building, but whatever I didn't want to waste anymore time either. I dragged him to one of the corners, so we would have a bit more privacy than if we had stood in the middle of it.

"Fuck, how am I supposed to say this..." I muttered weakly, my eyes flickering between his blue eyes and the floor. He waited patiently without saying a word which I'm thankful for, it would have just fucked up my thoughts more. I used a minute to think about everything that have happened since that Friday, and his words from that day came back to me, the words that had hurt so much then.

_'I love you, Aleks, never think anything else, I just happen to love Marie too. Not in the same way mind you, but I don't want to lose either of you. I want to keep her as friend and I don't know how to if I break up with her, hell I don't even know how to break up with her... I need time, Aleks, as you need to come out as my boyfriend. I respect that, please respect my decision to.'_

Now I felt a bit stupid, I had just taken in some of the words it seems. Like how he compared my fear for coming out with a break up with Marie. To be fair there is so many more things that could go wrong by coming out as gay than breaking up with someone, but he had asked me to respect it which I hadn't. I had refused to and now I just felt stupid. He had said he loved me and told me why it was hard for him.

I'm an idiot.

"Kristian, you have no reason to apologize, I have just been to blind to see that you wasn't in fault. It's kinda ironic how Marie broke up a couple of days after because of me, and then I was to angry to take it in advantage. I know you have a thing coming on with Mathias, but I just want you to know that I can't get rid of these... _feelings_ that I have for you, no matter what. I don't forgive you for comparing, but I was just as bad for not respecting what you wanted since we could have solved that matter in _any_ other way without us being like  **this...** " I ranted on, not even completely stopping for air. 

Kristian stared baffled at me, his entire body language radiating with happiness. Probably without needing me to say anything else, and completely not thinking about where we were at he tugged me into a bone crushing hug. I felt really awkward in his embrace, taking a few seconds before returning it with full force. I had missed being this close with him, even if it was just for 5 short days, where he had kissed me only a day before.

Still that was when I was angry at him and that was like pour fuel to the fire. This was something else entirely, his arms wrapped around me while understanding and happiness beamed from him. His body converting a safe heaven for a couple of seconds, safe from everything.

I teared lightly away from him, still keeping a hold around him. I needed to see his expression, to see that he was as sincere as the rest of his body. I didn't get to dwell on it for long, before someone approached us. I heard someone clear their throat and I jumped away from Kristian without giving it any thought.

"Did we interrupt anything important?" A painfully familiar voice gritted out. Marius was standing with Mathias in the opening to the hallway, a fiery glare plastered on his face which was the complete opposite from Mathias. He looked like a hurt and lost puppy. I don't know what was worst. I exchanged a glance with Kristian and from just that small peek I could see he was just as troubled as I myself felt.

This is going to be the day of talking apparently, but first I'll need my ham and bacon sandwiches. Good lord will know I'll need the strength.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm one stupid, stupid fucker. Yeah basically this is an Krithias chapter, but hey Aleks and Kristian is patching things up, PLUS it is the longest chapter yet I'm proud of this chapter and I looked back to earlier chapters and sorry for not making sense god damn it. I have one Idea how I am going to make this a foursome, but hopefully I'll get some more ideas from this trash of a brain...  
> And yes every fucking chapter is probably going to have one or another kissing scene or something, at least until most of it are settled I would think?  
> I am a sucker for kisses and love to write about them sooorry...  
> See ya next time, so stay tuned for more idiotic writing that is slowly ruining my life since I practically sees them as my children now even tho we are in the same class and all I want to do is protect them and get to know them better so yeah... The best part is that all four of them are pretty good friends, I have much inspiration because of that ^-^  
> Next chapter will hopefully not take as long as this one, but exams are right around the corner. At least this time I have made a plan for what is going to happen later on so that's something. ^3^


	6. An agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So why not keep both them and each other, like I don't know if it's going to work or if it will ruin everything. It is the only solution I can come up with that is the closest to make everyone happy! I suggest, if we can agree on this matter too, that we at least talk to Mathias and Marius about it and see where it goes. It's worth a shot, isn't it?"

**Aleksander's POV**

I knew what I had to do. I didn't like it, but it had to be done. First I had to steal some couple of minutes alone with Kristian to see if he had the same conclusion, if not this was going to a bit tougher for me. How to get those minutes while we had some jealous... _boyfriends?_ on our hands might be the hardest part though. Marius seemed like he just might consider committing homicide while Mathias didn't seem to get what the hell was going on. 

He always was a bit dense. Not in a bad way, but still.

Kristian looked even more troubled than I felt. If I asked to get a minute alone with Kristian they are definitely going to take it up the wrong way. I could talk with him later, but considering everything that have kept happening since that Friday and all the misunderstandings and what not, it would be a great relief to get it over with as soon as possible.

In the end, I didn't have to worry about it as Marius snorted in something similar to disgust and stormed off in anger. I was almost on the edge of following him, feeling guilty by watching him walk past me and out the door. He left without even giving another glance towards me. Mathias seemed paralyzed to the floor for a second, only movement coming from his head as it moved back and forth from watching Marius retreating back to me and Kristian. Even I could see the confusion that filled his eyes.

At last he stalked reluctantly after Marius to wherever he left to. Or so I guess.

I stood in the hallway alone with Kristian yet again. I sent him a glance and he understood perfectly. We ended up in the toilet stall where I had just this Monday had a mental breakdown. Ah, also where Marius first kissed me when thinking back.

Kristian locked the door behind us, quickly dragging me into another embrace. I huffed in annoyance while trying to conceal the grin that was slowly forcing it's way onto my face. I took in the smell of him, which was enough to make me feel at home at once. I returned the embrace, loving how I sensed the small breath of relief leaving him and his arms softly cradling me even closer him as he tumbled down on the toilet seat with me on top.

"You know, we have to talk about both this and _them_." I huffed out sadly, sitting a bit straighter on his lap. He nodded, meeting my gaze with the same troubled look as he had out in the hallway in his blue eyes. Neither said a word for a while, sitting in perfect silence while enjoying each others company.

"I know... Wished we didn't have to, but I think I understand why you want to do it right now" Kristian mumbled into my shoulder. I sighed, dragging my fingers through the fluff he called his hair. Another minute ended without a word , only keeping a hold on each other as if it was the last time we would have the chance. Which it in fact could be if everything turned to the worst... 

"You and Mathias, you're a  _thing_  now, am I right?" I whispered, for some reason not daring to say it any louder. Kristian forced me to meet his eyes. He was frowning while examining me for a second before giving me a slow nod. 

"You and Marius are too, I presume?" he murmured just as low as I had, like this was super secret information that not even we should know about. I did as he had, only nodding slowly while keeping his gaze. Silence erupted in the stall for the third time since we locked the door. 

I found his hand, and they melted together. I led his hand into my line of sight, watching his hands clamped in mine, our fingers braided together. My skin was a shade darker than his because of my heritage, but it made a beautiful combination. A warm fluttering was building inside me by something so little and meaningless, yet having such a complex meaning for us. 

"I am still in love with you, you know." Kristian muttered, and even then when I almost couldn't hear him, affection still dripped from his voice. I believed it the instant the words left his mouth, the fluttering increasing in speed within me. I gulped, trying to restrain thinking about Marius and Mathias. 

"Yeah I know... Kinda at least" I huffed out with a chuckle, taking note about how he stroke his thumb over my hand in a soothing circle. I glanced up on him, his eyes glued to our intertwined hands and I couldn't resist the smile that slipped upon my face as I added softly "I never stopped either..." 

"Aleks..." he groaned and sounded like the words I had spoken inflicted more problems  than there already were. I understood why he  sounded like that, I could even say I related to it. 

"What do you propose we do?" I decided to ask, since I literally have no clue what to do with this fucked up situation. Hopefully, he had more clue than me.

"I don't know... Really I have no idea, this  _thing_ with Mathias... I won't... Can't just give that up like it was nothing, like it meant  _nothing_ because it did... It does... My feelings for you won't change in a blink of the eye and the same is with the feelings I just discovered I had for Mathias, so I don't know what to do or how to make this work.." Kristian ranted on, fumbling over the words spilling from his mouth. He seemed determined despite his faltering words. 

I hummed in agreement, it was exactly what I had told myself in my thoughts. I sighed, this was going nowhere at all. It struck me then, maybe it actually did. We had agreed on something, so why don't take that in the first place and try make it into an agreement. Wow, my brain can actually come up with something smart for once.

"Kristian, we both agree that we are in love with each other, right?" I started. Kristian sent me a look of disbelieving confusion, clearly skeptical for where this conversation may lead. He squinted at me, seeming like he tried to decide if this was a good or bad change of direction. "Yeah?" He muttered finally, and I was free to continue.

"And we both understand that this things with Mathias and Marius won't just go away, and that we won't let it either because it means just as much for us like this between the both of us." Kristian became even more confused it seemed, this time only giving a curt nod for me to finish.

"So why not keep both them and each other, like I don't know if it's going to work or if it will ruin everything. It is the only solution I can come up with that is the closest to make everyone happy! I suggest, if we can agree on this matter too, that we at least talk to Mathias and Marius about it and see where it goes. It's worth a shot, isn't it?" I concluded, my eyes glued to our still connected hands and as the last word escaped from my mouth I squeezed his hand at instinct, to keep him from releasing mine.

"It's sounds a bit risky, but I'll admit, if it actually works, it could be the best solution to make, as you said, everyone happy... Hell, why not!" Kristian smiled, locking my eyes with his and squeezing my hand back. I felt a shower of relief wash over me, I didn't have to choose after all, or not yet if it turns out that Marius or Mathias refuse to have this arranging.

"We should do it now then, I don't want to make more misunderstandings if I can prevent it" I said while getting back on my feet, which turned out to be a bit more difficult when Kristian wrapped his other arm, which wasn't locked with my hand, around my waist to drag me closer to him. He placed a soft kiss on my lips and this time I answered it happily.

I was in a daze, exactly like the first time we had kissed which seems like another life since, when he broke the kiss and softly pushed me off him. I unlocked the door and walked out of the stall sensing Kristian right behind me. Our eyes met in a short second, and we both sent each other reassuring smiles before we parted ways to find our probably-still-mad-boyfriends. What a joy, I should have saved one of my bacon and ham sandwiches for later, because I could have needed one right now. 

\-----

It took some time, but I found Marius in the end. He was sitting with Aidan and Vincent by the indoor pool, looking gloomy as hell. I almost considered dropping the talk to another day where he didn't seem like having murder in his eyes now. Okay Aleks, this is going to be fine, even if he looks like a threat he is not going to kill you. Hopefully not in front of so many witnesses at least.

"Hey Marius, can I get a word with you?" I said as I came to a stop in front of him. He actually seemed to consider it, which is a good start, before answering coolly. "No, I don't want to hear any of it now come back tomorrow or something"

He then refused to even look at me. Aidan and Vincent seemed clearly uncomfortable by Marius coldness, which he must be refusing to see. It was tempting to actually do what he said, to wait for tomorrow and hope for him to be in a more approaching mood. I knew that wasn't going to happen, it would only make things worse if I waited, I think I have enough experience to know that.

I made up my mind and sat down beside him nonchalantly, feeling Aidan and Vincents' gaze at me before they hastily continued to talk about whatever was so fucking interesting on their phones. It was completely forced, I spotted them glancing at me multiple times, clearly wondering why I was sitting there with them. It was no secret that everyone got along in our class, but when lunch rolled around we all splitted into different groups with different friends.

"Don't you have anywhere else to be, like maybe not here?" Marius asked politely, which could be translated right to 'I don't want to talk to you so get lost for fucks sake'. I only smiled at him, no way that hr can get rid of me that easy. 

"Nah, I don't actually, or I have to talk to you which you're reluctant to do in a civil way so I guess I'll just stay here then" I said like it was obvious with a small teasing edge to it, not caring that both Aidan and Vincent were listening since I could see the small smiles on their faces. Marius wasn't as humored by my weak attempt at a joke, watching me with his best unamused face that have ever been sent my way. I returned the look with a grin from my side. 

"Really? Why not go bother someone else, like maybe... I dunno... Kristian perhaps?" Marius acted like ha had to think on that before the name came out in a voice cold as ice. Yeah, this is going to be interesting, no doubt about that. 

"Already talked with him today, doesn't take long before he becomes quite boring so please don't ask of me to go talk  _more_ with him" I whined in another attempt on a joke that probably was worse then the last. Nevertheless I heard Aidan and Vincent chuckle silently, but if it was because of my joke or something else that is another question. I'll say it is because of my joke only to feel better. This time Marius gave a slight smile which he clearly tried to suppress.  

"You're so lame, you know that?" Marius said, trying to hide both the smile battling it's way upon his beautiful face, as said before he doesn't suit the frown he always seem to be sporting, and the teasing edge that I picked up on immediately. Which in it's own way makes it evident how hard he failed to do exactly that. I felt at ease again, letting my shoulders down whom I hadn't noticed I had tensed in the first place.

"Maybe~... But last time I checked you were the one calling us twins because we are so alike each other so in the end you just called yourself lame!" I jabbed right back, smiling as his face twisted into a grimace. I relaxed as he tried to come with some sort of come back and this time I knew Aidan and Vincent laughed at my joke. Marius was probably, no I know he is still mad at both me and Kristian, which I sort of could understand since jealousy is a force that no one can resist. It wraps around your mind and clouds over every logical thought you may have, turning them into these dark manipulating once that shouldn't make sense, but they sort of do.

He talked to me, that was another step in the right direction at least. He was clearly annoyed by my presence, not that I could do anything about it. Again, it was tempting to wait with the conversation for another day, but I just wanted this over with. I wanted things to become fine or somewhat better if not anything. He shook his head at me again, finally getting to his feet. I responded in an instant, fumbling onto my legs.

"Where are you going?" Aidan asked, puzzled by why we had to be alone for whatever I wanted to talk about.

"Well, considering Aleks haven't already spilled the beans I took the guess that it was sort of a private talk he wanted and last I checked aren't you two ghosts or invisible so sorry guys, catch up with you later!" Marius shrugged, explaining so carefree that he could fool anyone so they didn't became suspicious. The words he spoke and how he spoke them made it so logical that you get the feeling like _'Duh, of course, what was I thinking?!'_ I am jealous on him for having that talent.

I followed him, not caring where he went as long as it where somewhere I could speak with him alone undisturbed by curious eyes and ears.  He knew me well enough and thus led the way to the outer border of the school grounds by the small forest there, leading down to the big river flowing past. He double checked that we wwre indeed completely alone, then he faced me with a look on his face that showed me that he wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. 

"Okay, here goes nothing... Oh damn I have no clue how to say this and not say it in a way that makes it sound more wrong than I meant..." I sighed, feeling uneasy under his calculating glare. His face twisted in an unamusing grimace by my rambling. I collected my thoughts, taking a deep breath to stifle my nervousness. It was now or never. Why was I nervous in the first place? It's only Marius, Jeez!

"So me and Kristian, as you saw, sort of made up and talked... we came to an agreement, but it depends if you agree to it to of course!" I hastily added when his face darkened. "You see... e-even if I like him I-I really, really  _like_ you too..." I stammered, not of embarrassment. It was more out of fear of continuing.  

"I sense a but." Marius muttered coldly. I could only nod, it wasn't a question, it was a statement. Fear trickled through my veins, making my throat tighten and I had problems finding my own fucking voice. Why did this have to be so difficult, I am pretty sure I don't fricking deserve this. Taking another deep breath I steeled myself and lifted my eyes to meet the grey-blue ones that I have come to love so much. I hadn't even noticed that I had been avoiding them. 

"Yeah, but I don't want to... can't bear the thought to choose between you, I-I just can't! You both mean equal as much to me and if I had to choose it would probably be for the best that I refused to be with either of you..." I ranted on, keeping my gaze on him. He wasn't as tense like he had been a second ago, my words hitting him with their full meaning. Now he only seemed tired. 

"What in the name of god did you agree on then?! can you please tell me the fucking brilliant idea that in some impossible way can make this motherfucking situation better in a way that will make everything okay without us being miserable little fucks?" He exclaimed. I had waited for him to do so, I suppressed a grin at his outburst, not expecting anything like that from him. In some unbelievable way it calmed me down a few notches, enough to allow me to speak without stuttering over every second word that came from my mouth.

"Calm down, I was just about to get to that" I snorted, trying to not laugh at him. I think he mumbled something like 'Yeah right, didn't seem like it', but I chose to ignore that. Even with my stammering gone, I couldn't shake off the uneasiness by the topic.

"We... No I came up with it, I think the best solution for now is to keep you both, perhaps separate it into two different relationships, but still... I propose that we try to make that work, Kristian agreed to it and now we just want to make sure it's okay for you two or well probably not okay... if you only accept it in some ways that's fine too..." I rambled again, not even sure what I had said before it was out. Smooth. Marius didn't approve with the solution though, that much could I see on his face before he spoke.

"No way, I won't share you with him!" He hissed. This was never going to be easy was it? I sighed and tried to change his mind. at the same time I felt anger build up inside me, what the hell did he mean 'share' me? Was I some sort of toy? That could be pulled and dragged between them?!

"Come on, share me?! I'm not some toy, you know that right?? God dammit! I don't want to choose, I told you that so here's a choice for you! Either you have me and get over yourself, please accept that I want a relationship with you both and we keep it separate to see how it works then if it doesn't work at all we can find another idea to solve it! Or. We break up and stop this thing we have right now."

 Marius stared baffled at me, and I could see the hurt on his face when I met his eyes that he was badly trying to hide. It instantly wanted to embrace him, to take him in my arms to desperately make the look that he sported disappear. I didn't however. Because I always, fricking always had in mind where we were or who could be watching, what those would think and thus also what could have happened. Earlier it had been from Kristian's initiative that we had hugged out in the open, but it was only a hug. Plus I hadn't started it so it made me accept it. I hate myself for this weakness. 

"No... I know you aren't a toy, I'm selfish that's what this is! I want to have you all by myself without thinking that you could drop me for  _him_ or anyone else for that matter. I don't like that thought in the slightest... But if I had to choose I would of course pick you, I can't promise you that I will accept it, still I don't want to lose you when I first got you like I have been pinning for." He muttered softly, smiling slightly at the last words that found it's way out of that amazing mouth of his. 

"So your answer is..?" I asked hopefully, biting my lip to resist the smile that wanted to split my face in half. He sighed softly, probably not believing what he himself was about to say, still I could see a sort of sad smile finding it's way onto his face. "Let's see if this might work, shall we?" 

* * *

**Kristian's POV**

 After coming up with a sort of solution with Aleks, that actually didn't sound so bad, I began my search for one cute, blond and blue eyed special someone. He wasn't that hard to track down, and I could even spot Aleks convincing Marius to talk to him. Not that that really matters,  it was Mathias I had to talk to now. He was following Evan and Oysters around, not bothering to talk to them really. He was lost in his own world. 

He spotted me and I made a beeline towards him. His eyes lightened up immediately,  which in turn made my own heart skip a beat. Then his face darken into deep thoughts again. Guilt curled it's way in the pit of my stomach, it was my fault that he seemed that lost. I reached him and without a word to either of the other two I pushed Mathias with me. I wasn't afraid to have the talk in front of them,  but I kept in thought what Aleks would have wanted. 

"Kristian, where are we going?" Mathias asked confused. I denied him an answer, only walking forward past dozen of people. When I had found a sort of secluded place by the tiny basketball court outside I stopped and let Mathias face me. Now I only had to get the idea out and let him decide what we should do. I hoped that Aleks plan could work out for us all, but in the end it was Mathias and Marius decision if we should even try it out. If they called it off I suppose it would be better that we ended it all together. 

"I'll just cut right to it. Me and Aleks have... this sort of thing going on, similar to what we have if you haven't already noticed..." I started, not even caring enough to think everything through before spilling it out. I was tired off this, I wanted to make this fine again. Mathias watched me skeptically, his eyes filled with fear for some reason. Then it hit me. 

"No! I ain't ending this between us, I want to... I want..." I began, trying to find the words I desperately were looking for to set this right. "This and that means both a lot to me, I can't and won't end either of them if I can help it. I have these feelings for you, which I wasn't even aware of before yesterday since I'm an blind idiot! The same feelings I have for you, I somehow have for Aleks too, which I can't and probably never will understand, but I know that much." I concluded, talking to both him and myself at the same time, feeling a lot lighter as the words were finally out.

Mathias didn't understand what I had been rambling on about, or so I guessed as he kept staring at me like a live question mark. An awkward silence fell over us, and I wanted to fill it. If only I knew how... As the silence dragged on with him only staring at me, his mind obviously working things out which I doubted it would ever finish doing, I felt a nervous tickling in me making my hands twitch and I had a hard time not shuffling from foot to foot.

"So what you say is... You like me, but you like Aleks just as much and can't pick one of us over the other?" He questioned at last. Huh, he understood pretty damn well actually, I shouldn't have underestimated him. I gave him a nod of my head, and he fell back in thoughts. Silence fell over us again, but not as awkward as the last time. "What are you going to do about that, then?" He asked, not coming up with something himself.

"Well Aleks and I thought, only if you are okay with it too of course, that we could try making it work in some kind of three way. From what I gathered he meant that we stay together and at the same time I have my own relationship with you, keeping that and this separate..." I told him, trying to understand my own words in the same go. It was risky and  it would only work if all acknowledged it.

"I... don't think I understand?"

"Okay, uhm... What I meant was that we, we keep things as they are and yeah see what becomes of it right?" I began explaining, finding a easy way to formulate the words I thought would help him get what I was thinking. I had no Idea if I understood all of it myself, but I had to try, right? He nodded slowly, confirming he was with me this far. I continued. "At the same time I'll have a similar relationship going on with Aleks, still with me?"

Mathias frowned at that, nodding again. He didn't seem like he was about to complain about it, that have to imply something good hopefully. 

 "But we will keep our" I pointed at him and me as the word left my mouth. "relationship separate from whatever me and Aleks have, at least we want to try it out. You both mean a whole fucking lot to me and if this actually works I don't need to end anything between anyone of us, but when that is said it is you who have the final say in all this." I finished and Mathias nodded for the third time in understanding and also for the third time silence erupted us. I knew the lunch break was soon over, I could see people filling to the doors, but I wanted an answer today. Not tomorrow, not later even, I wanted it now. I was sick and tired of being uncertain about stuff, this is one thing I wanted the least to be uncertain.

"I think I get it, to be honest it doesn't sound that desirable. Although it also does sound like something I wouldn't have completely minded either. Can you promise that our and yours relationship thingy stays as two different ones and not... together I think I can give it a try. I trust that you would have looked after any other solution and tried them if there was any, so I think it's safe to give it chance." Mathias smiled brightly at me, leaving all his trust in me.

That was a big responsibility, one I didn't know if I was ready to take upon myself. I was not worthy for it, Mathias should have kept his trust in someone who isn't a master in fucking things up. Look at Marie and Aleks for example, alright I made up with Aleks, but there is still Marie. I am a terrible person and to be loved as much as I am, by people I fucking adore with all my heart and soul, and for the time being, could spend my every minute awake by their side  with the only excuse that I didn't want anything more, yeah that's only luck.

For me that is, I feel a tad sorry for them for doing a mistake like that. or I hoped it wasn't a mistake on their part, that it was only my slightly low self-esteems fault that I had thoughts like this stuck in my head. I beamed at him, thankful for the understanding answer, even if it didn't make him exactly happy, he trusted my judgement, which as I said probably would end up being a big mistake on his part, and I didn't have to  worry about this anymore.

We made our way to class and Mathias lightened up the mood with one of his terrible jokes that you only laughed off because they were that stupid. I spotted Aleks talking with Marius by the forest, correction making their ways from the forest towards the stairs leading up to the classrooms. From what I saw it seemed like that conversation had gone as good as my own.

However when they had made their way up to the doors, waiting along with everyone else until they unlocked, Marius was glaring with me. Not only with hatred, no it was a coldblooded hard glare with promise of... of.. I don't have any clue of what, it was not a good sign, that much I can tell you. I sent a glance at Mathias, who had suddenly his talent in speaking about all and nothing. What met me was a lost and sad gaze who was directed towards... I don't have to check who it was directed towards.

The doors opened and everyone marched inside. Before I went to class I grabbed a hold on Aleks. Marius sent me another glare, but went without a word along with Mathias, who on the other side pretended he didn't see shit. I sighed heavily.

"How did it go?" Aleks asked first. I saw that he was tired, he probably had a fight with Marius.

"Yeah, it went good I think, Mathias said it was okay, he wasn't happy about it though..." I mumbled, I didn't like this at all. I was a selfish prick, that was what I was. In someway I could say Aleks was too, but I won't. Aleks nodded and sighed heavily, like I had done.

"Marius was absolutely not happy about it, that's for sure. I had to give him a choice and that's the only reason why he agreed to it at all, if I'm going to be completely honest? This is so risky I am doubting if it will work more and more for every passing second. We'll just have to see how it goes and plan out a new solution in the meantime." Aleks whispered hastily, scrubbing his face tiredly.

"I'm doubting it too, you should have seen the glares Marius sent me, and Mathias fell dead quiet when he saw you... How this is going to work... It'll be a miracle if it works for a day!" I said as Aleks made his way to the classroom, following him without giving it a thought.

"Well, this compromise started just now, give it some time and hope that they get enough used to it that everything goes back to normal, or as normal it can be with this arrangement, you understand what I mean" Aleks waved it off, trying to stay optimistic. Or he was to tired to even think about it anymore. I'll just try thinking for the best, who knows? Everything could work out and become fine in the end...

I sincerely doubt it. However, as much that I hate to admit it, I'll have to wait and see .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this didn't take long at all in comparison with the last x3 Chapter 7 is right around the corner to and I have made a plan for 8 so I'm on a roll, all thanks to my sort of co-author Nyxthealicorn who helps me plan and stalk our classmates, that's what friendships for :3  
> In some ways this chapter could be the end, but I have some more plans and thoughts on this, so yay?  
> I have reached that point where it isn't even embarrassing anymore, it is almost fact and every time I see something sinking my ships I feel devastated o.O


	7. The beginning of a new start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the thought struck me, uneasiness settled in the pit of my stomach. If they make a scene, people would interfere and with the wrong words they could put two and two together. The thought alone want me to hide, away from the world and it's judgmental gaze. It terrifies me senseless and therefore I didn't want to test my luck that maybe everything will turn out okay, when it could turn out terrible just as much. The buzz of my phone signaling a new message helped me to get out of the depressing and panicky mind of mine.

**Aleksander's POV**

It's been over three weeks, the winter holidays had arrived and passed along with a math exam right before, since the sort of agreement was made, the only solution at the time which could involve that everyone stayed happy. Yeah, that didn't exactly work as planned. As I had in all honesty predicted, but hey, I try to stay optimistic from time to time. 

Marius glared fricking daggers at Kristian every time he thought no one noticed him doing so and was plain cold towards him, which of course, in the end came back to me. He also seemed a bit more distant from me on top of everything too, not wanting to share what troubled his mind over half the time. The other half he only allowed himself to answer in as short sentences that a person could ever give. It was both fascinating and frustrating at the same time, especially since I tried more than once to have a decent conversation with the dickhead. 

Mathias seemed like he was sulking and drifted to who knows where all the fucking time, making Kristian worry about and I won't say it doesn't bother me at all either. It never meant anything good when he did that. He would always get this sad, far away expression when I was in his point of view, and I literally mean always. Not a day would go by with him not seeing me and his face would fall at once, I feel guilty about it! Which I know I shouldn't because it wasn't entirely my fault at all! 

Then there was Kristian, maybe the only one keeping me sane at the moment if it weren't for, I don't know, that everything ended upon him before it all piled on top of my own fricking shoulders. 

I am completely, utterly sick of it all. Both Kristian and I agreed that we at least have to, I don't know, do _something_ with the situation. Only problem  is that I have no idea how, or what we can do!

I sat in the kitchen, worrying on a bacon and ham sandwich, gently nibbling on it since my appetite where nowhere to be found. Yeah it have arrived to that stage of development, not even bacon is appetizing any longer. That is the most terrifying of it all to be honest. As I slowly nibbled my way through the sandwich I tried to scan my brain for anything,  _anything_ at all that I... We could do to make things right again. 

 Or better for all of us, without looks that wished they had the ability to kill or as if they would rather die then see me, and above it all, rid me of this god forsaken tiredness. Exams are only coming closer for every passing day, along with big projects and tests, yeah what not. If this is going to be stressful and exhausting as well, I'm not going to survive this semester. 

Halfway done with my usual favorite meal, which I could eat a whole mountain worth of if I had the appetite, but now using several minutes halfway through a single one.That's a bit depressing. Well halfway finished after twenty minutes, I woke super early because of my troubled mind, and still blank with ideas. I made up my mind to text Kristian to hear if he had any clues to what we could do. I fished up my phone from my pocket and found his number. I quickly typed out a message. 

**Me : Hey. I have been thinking about how to, again, fix this mess and if you haven't guessed so already I came up with completely nothing at all, help me? **

I read the text multiple times, hesitating to send it, which was stupid. I knew I would need his help, two heads thinks better than one and all that. Plus it was better than if we had to bear this burden alone and separate instead of share it between us and help each other through this, we both were stuck in the middle of this and on top of that the only two actually speaking civilized to each other between the four of us! Without sparing another thought on it I sent the text.

I waited for two minutes tops, where I resumed on my terribly slow eating, before my phone buzzed and signaling the arrival of an answer. I held my breath in hope as I opened the text. 

_Kristian: How the fuck are you awake at 07:30 in the morning?! You're inhumane! Anyway, no sorry to disappoint, I have as much clue as you..._

I sighed in defeat and typed out another text, let's ignore the idiotic little grin playing on my face. I'm a stupid nerd in love, I can't help it.

**How can you sleep? My head won't turn off for a second , and that hits my already fucked up sleep schedule pretty hard... Come on, something? I have used the last twenty five minutes on eating one sandwich, your mind must function better than mine!**

_K: Poor baby, maybe you should try sleep in my bed, then I'll cuddle with you until  you're forced to fall sleep, I can even sing for you if it helps ;)_

I snorted, but a fierce blush crawled upon my face nevertheless.  As I was about to type out an answer filled with sarcasm back on the cheesy flirting my phone buzzed yet again.

 _K: I dunno, we could trick them into going on a group_ date , telling them it's their last chance for all of us to get along, at least mutuals that don't want to kill each other? 

I pondered on the solution, it didn't seem dumb and well it would not hurt the situation more than how it already was now. Or one of us could end up killed, but optimism. Even if I suck at it, like really badly too. I quickly typed out two texts back. 

**Me: Yeah, I totally believe you when you say I'll get to sleep in your bed, no dirty thoughts behind it at all~. Kristian, you ain't tricking me with your innocence anymore, I have come to know you pretty well in the last three weeks~. I spent most part of the holiday at your house remember?  
**

**You know that ain't stupid at all, the worst that could happen is that somebody get killed, but not bad at all! What, when and where?**

I got an immediate answer back and I smiled slightly when I opened it. I have to wake up early more often just to bother Kristian. 

 _K: Dirty thoughts? Me? Now you are_ completely and utterly on track with me ;) Plus I guess you ain't gonna wait and let me sleep anymore are you? Wait I don't need an answer on that... Well we could ask them out to go to the cinema and watch a movie, since it's Friday tomorrow and I can't handle Marius glare longer than I have to let's go for tomorrow :) 

I snorted fondly at the text, finishing eating up my sandwich before sending him a reply. 

**Me: Sure, it could actually work! Not a bad idea at all, sure you came up with it? And I agree, but I would like glares instead of Mathias depressed stare. How are we going to do it though, like shall we meet up in front of the cinema or something, what if they make a scene out of it??**

When the thought struck me, uneasiness settled in the pit of my stomach. If they make a scene, people would interfere and with the wrong words they could put two and two together. The thought alone want me to hide, away from the world and it's judgmental gaze. It terrifies me senseless and therefore I didn't want to test my luck that maybe everything will turn out okay, when it could turn out terrible just as much. The buzz of my phone signaling a new message helped me to get out of the depressing and panicky mind of mine. 

_K: Nah too risky, Marius could go to you and Mathias to me, but instead if meeting up in front of the cinema two of us meet at either at my place or yours, depending on what you want ;)_

I sighed in relief and my love for him deepened. After we had made up, he had always supported me with my fear. I hadn't told him why I had this fear, something I wouldn't do anytime soon either. I trusted him, that wasn't the problem. I just didn't want to acknowledge my fear. I am better to run away from it. I glanced at the clook and realized with a shock that we had texted for 40 minutes. I should be going

**Me: We meet at yours, I don't want to have the conversation at home... It sounds like a plan, then, I'm about to leave now so see ya at school!**

I shoved my phone into my pocket, grabbing my backpack from where I had left it yesterday, along with a bag with clothes for the gymnastic class we have today and ran out of the door. I had plenty of time when I arrived at the train station, which is really unusual in it self. I felt my phone buzz yet again in my pocket  I fished it up to see what Kristian had replied.

_K:Yeah, see you there, love ;) I can't wait ♡_

I shook my head at his heck of a cheesy reply, trying to withhold the fierce blush that I felt making it's way upon my face. How the living fuck does he do it so easily?! I typed out a single word and sent it quickly without, shoving the phone back into my pocket as deeply as possible.

 **Me: Bastard.**  

I ignored it for the five minutes it took to come to the city where our school is, then for the five to ten minutes long walk. Kristian waited for me by the school,  and I knew he had only waited for tops five minutes. He was smiling at me, walking by my side without exchanging a word with me. He didn't need to. 

An urge to intertwine his hand with mine made a twitch run through my fingers. I wanted it so, so badly that my heart ached with craving! Sadly, I was too fucking scared and I hated myself for being so. I was mad at me to be exact, filled with rage because I couldn't, only since I had some stupid little fear. Which I shouldn't need to be, at least not at school. No one at home would know anything about it either way.

Or I try telling myself that, but when fear have coiled it's way into the pit of your very stomach and settled in there, it won't exactly go away at a sudden notice that hey it isn't something to be afraid of, it is safe to be yourself right here! Just to get this clear, since my thoughts are getting a bit ominous, I don't get abused at home or something like that. Don't think that for a second! It's only that they are a bit... very judgmental about certain things... mostly everything.

So when you are some of the things they totally despises, you get a tiny little bit afraid to show even a single sign of being it. Holding hands is one of those signs. A very clear sign. Like it is like having a neon sign in flashing colors saying that their son is gay as fuck. Okay I'm being a bit over dramatic, still it would be looked upon as something more than just hand holding.

It annoys me, really, how afraid it makes me. I think it could be one of the many reasons I hide behind a more harsh and bold attitude, not showing a whole lot of feelings most of the time. It could also be that I am a guy and that is something that is expected of me. Gender roles and all that. Not that I endure through a whole lot of feelings, it is too confusing for me.

Kristian let his arm stray against mine, a light touch that made a tormenting amount of fluttering butterflies consuming my stomach. It caught my attention and I met his loving gaze at once. The question in his eyes was easy to spot, "You okay?". I forced a smile on my face, giving him a swift nod as an answer. I was alright in some ways, my thoughts the only thing making it not okay because of they depressing path. In complete truth I wasn't okay, but he couldn't do anything about how messed up my head is.

He saw right through me, not believing me for a second, luckily for me we entered the classroom right than and our ways parted. He walked towards Mathias, a smile lightening on the other boy's face. I heard a small sigh escape him as we parted, a similar one coming out of me as I approached Marius. He also smiled at me when I made my way to him, twisting into a glare at Kristian in only a split of a second. 

He tried to do so discretely,  but he failed of course. I felt already exhausted by the day, a wish that it could end filling my head. It won't, I still have the whole fricking day left, hurray for me. I was about to ask him out, the question on the very tip of my tongue when I noticed how crowded the classroom was and I snapped my mouth shut. I think I'll wait until I get him alone to myself...

* * *

**Kristian's POV**

Mathias was talking to me, but he was more like a soft droning in the background. I was deep in thoughts so the word he spoke was a soft muttering without meaning. I knew I should be listening, but Aleks had acted kinda strange earlier. I had mostly noted myself how he had slightly flinched as our arms had brushed against each other. I had been on the verge to take his hand in mine, to see where the border ends. After the flinch I hadn't dared to try again. He had looked almost terrified and I asked without words if he was fine.

He had lied, I know that much. He wasn't fine. What I don't understand is why. So while Mathias kept talking, I could only try to think up reasons to why Aleks would pretend he was fine when he clearly was not. The sound of heels against floor made all the buzzing of talking teenagers fell silent. Gloria entered the classroom, in yet another skirt and puffy shirt with clear red lipstick and her long dark hair loose. Everyone walked to either their seat or to their lockers to get the books immediately, the buzzing continued for a bit, but much softer and quiet then earlier.

My head was still in the clouds, but I tried to actually pay attention of the lecture going on. I wrote notes, but I made a slow progress. I was doing something, which have proven hard through the couple of weeks that have passed since that life changing Friday. It's improvement at least. I quit asking for more a while ago. Shaking off the troubling matter about Aleks to focus better only made the plan pop into my head. Ah, whatever.

I ripped off a piece of paper, better to do it while my head is in the right place. I scribbled down a rather careless message, with only 'Wanna go out with me tomorrow?' in a sloppy handwriting on the top of the paper. I considered if I should put a heart behind the question mark for good measure. I voted against it and passed the note to Mathias. He literally beamed beside me, and through my peripheral vision I watched him look from the note to me and back to the note. Cute... 

I kept watching as he wrote a reply, his face scrunching up into a thoughtful grimace for a second before his pencil flew over the paper. He shoved it back to me and in clumsy letters it read, 'Yeah, like a dateee then? Do you have any plans about what we are going to do then?' I smiled softly, sensing the insecurity behind the words. Strange how much I knew about him to know that there was something behind the lead smeared on a piece of dead tree. 

I scrawled down the plan in a short summary until what was written read, _'Yeah, of course like a date ♥ go watch a movie perhaps? We can see if there is some good movies going after class and you can meet up at mine around six ♡'_ then I passed it back to Mathias. He scanned through the message quickly, nodding in agreement as he met my eyes. Gloria chose that exact moment to ask Mathias about whatever she had been talking about for the last five minutes. 

"Uh... I don't know?" Mathias replied hesitantly, staring on the words on the blackboard in question. Gloria heaved a sigh.

"You would have known the answer, if you had been paying attention to what I have been saying and not been sending messages with Kristian" She pointed out matter of factually, but didn't even seem angry with a knowing smile on her lips. Teachers' got fucking eyes everywhere, nothing seems to pass their attention! If it had been a few weeks ago I would have been a beet red tomato in the face, but now? Hah, I am so done with that! It is a total lie I keep telling myself while I try to avoid looking anyone in the eyes and I can feel the fricking blood rushing to my face. 

Being in love is not good for me. Gloria chuckled, like the evil witch she sometimes proved to be when she just had to notice every one of the couples in her class, I think she needs another hobby. She is creepy sometimes, no lie, when I was still going out with Marie before all this crap, Gloria knew and she pretty much had to rub it in our faces that she knew. She would say that 'Oh you don't need to worry, you'll sit with your girlfriend' and winking at me when we were going on this trip once, the worst part was that it was in front of the whole class.

Marie... She still hadn't said a single word to me, which I have to admit is both a relief and painful at the same time. I have enough going on as it is, but I kind of miss talking to her and you know being friends. We had a lot of fun together, which I miss. I think I just want things to work out for once, because the situation right now doesn't and it mess me up, it mess my head up. I can't focus on one thing at a time, there's a billion other things going on upstairs and I have no clue how to turn that freak show off.

Well at least the plan is on a roll, hopefully it turn things the right way.

* * *

**Aleksander's POV**

Kristian had already asked Mathias out, that much I understood when Gloria busted them in the middle of the class. I saw them discussing something between themselves afterwards while being on Kristian's phone. Picking a movie, if I would guess again. Well, they'll do as they want, I don't care in particular. I should work on how to ask Marius out. It scares me more than when I told him about the first solution. That turned out into this crap.

The thoughts from earlier haunted me. I was afraid that someone would find out. What was I going to say in the first place? I have never asked a guy out, is it like asking a girl out? To add up to it, the girls I asked out before don't actually count so I don't have any experience in doing stuff like this. If it weren't for the fact that both Mathias and Marius frown upon me and Kristian just talking for Christ sake, I would have asked him for advice.

I'm a bit happy I can't, to be fair it would have been more embarrassing than helpful I think. Or maybe  not _more,_ but equal embarrassing as helpful at least. I was so wrapped up in my own mind, that when Marius touched my shoulder I almost fell of the chair I was seated on.  Class was about to start, so I ruined another opportunity to fucking ask him out! We had Gloria for another hour, this time we worked through math and doing our homework after she had explained some new material on the black-board.

Always the same, really.

I think I used more of that hour in my own mind, building up the courage I thought I would need when asking Marius out. Numbers and math-problems didn't make any sense for me each time I tried to focus on them, to get them done so I didn't get behind everyone else. That would have sucked, but as I said I couldn't deal with that too today. 

I plugged my headset to my phone, setting my playlist on shuffle and music blared through the headset into my ears. I paid no attention to it, not caring about what was playing as long as it calmed me. Music is and always will be a soothing kind of relief. Almost no one bothers you when you have headset on, music droning out every annoying little sound that kept irritating me along with the small chattering of others. It also turned off my mind, the music joining in between thoughts and thus they seem less important, less frightening.

Recess came and went without me noticing because of that. Gloria left and another teacher came, snapping me out of my mindlessness. I staggered to my feet to get the right books as I silently cursed myself for losing another opportunity. I'm bad at this asking out thing, maybe even more than staying optimistic. This time I actually kept my focus on what the teacher said, as she was talking about a exam we were going to have in a two weeks time, so I tried to discard all of the unnecessary thoughts. 

My eyes wandered to where Kristian and Mathias were sitting, they were not even trying to pay attention. I was pretty lucky with where Gloria had seated me in the classroom. I sat in the front of the classroom right beside the entrance, which allowed me to sit sideways with my back leaning on the wall so I could see everyone. Unwillingly, really, my eyes swept to Marius.

My mind began planning how to ask him out again, I wanted to do it properly I realized, not just ask him. The question is how. An idea popped into my head, and it didn't sound half bad. In my head, which could make it stupid when I do it, but hey I'm a genius so it is probably the most awesome idea in the whole world. I started writing it down immediately, as to not forget my brilliant idea at once.

Now I only have to wait for lunch break, to unfold this brilliant idea into action.

\----

The teacher let us go at last, and I stared down on the piece of paper to make sure I remembered everything. This is going to be great! Marius made me jolt in fright as he placed a hand on my shoulder. By reflex i grabbed the paper and crunched into a small ball so it was unreadable. Marius' eyes were filled with a slight confusion, but his mind was determined on something else. That much I could see.

"Join me to the store?" He asked, his face only inches away from mine, his breath gracing over my face. Calm down, Alex, or else you're going to do something you'll regret, I swear to god. I nodded dumbstruck, letting him lead the way as always. I have a habit for following it seems. He was impatient, his eyes wavering from one point to another without settling. He fidgeted, Marius almost never fidgets over anything. He have something in mind, that's for sure.

The stroll to the store was quiet and it consisted of me stealing glances at him and catching him in staring at me. After the fifth time catching him staring, I stopped in my tracks and turned towards him. He had halted mid step too.  I raised my eyebrow at him, not even asking him outright. He had had his time, I won't keep on waiting for him to spit out whatever is making him, fricking Marius, fidgeting like some sort of crack addict.

"I've been thinking..." Not a good start, oh hell no, that is not a very good start on a sentence. "...We are still together, right?" He hesitated, he had meant to say something else, I know it. I could have used words to answer him, it would have been more proper of me,  but he scared me when he talked like that. So sinister, without any hints to where the fuck this conversation is going. Is he going to break up, is he going to ask something of me, is he just uncertain? I should really wish I was a mindreader in times like these. I nodded, searching his eyes, expression, hell even his body language for any hint there may be for what is going on inside his head.

He sighed in relief, biting his lip for a second before dragging me along again. We didn't go for the store, but to the riverside not far away from there. He didn't say something as he turned to me again, after making sure no one was there to see us. He rested a hand on my cheek, the other snaking it's way around my hip. He was so close again. Softly stroking his hand across my cheek he lead it forward until his lips captured mine in a long awaiting kiss.

"Go out with me, tomorrow! I don't care what we do, just let's go on a date" He muttered softly against my lips and I broke away quickly. God damn it! My face must have twisted into a grimace filled with rage, which is what I felt because what good is that fricking plan of mine now, huh? Marius didn't know that it was because of that though, so his face fell into a frown of hurt and confusion.

"You don't want to?" He asked, hurt staining his words with all it's might and glory. I felt guilty for my anger right away, it was pointless how one of us asked the other out, stupid.

"No, I mean yes I want to, but don't misunderstand, I had made a whole speech and everything to ask you out today, then you come along only to ruin everything!" I sighed exaggerated, pouting to make a point. His face lightened up immediately, chuckling at my pouting face. He kissed it away fast enough. Dorks in love, that's what we are, we are totally, utterly sickening fools in love.

"What had you planned to say then, I would love to hear" Marius smirked, tugging at the edge of my sweater. 

"No, now it is completely ruined because of your amazing kissing ability making me forget every word I had been planning to say like a whoosh of a wand, but let us say that you come over to me tomorrow and then we can go to the cinema together~. Maybe if your lucky we'll do something special before going to watch the movie." I whispered the last part in his ear, grazing his earlobe with my teeth then turning to leave.

He grabbed my arm, hugging me close to him. It didn't take long until he released me again. "I'll text you later"

\----

The plan was working perfect so far, both Mathias and Marius had seemed to be in the seventh heaven all day. I felt a bit bad, like we were setting them up. Which we kinda were, but not to hurt them or anything. I just wanted to go to school without feeling like one persons feel depressed every time he looks at me and two persons I like can't even be civilize because one of them is cold and glares at the other.

I want to end all that, so I can stress over school only, with all these exams and tests, oral presentations and essays we have to write since it is only a few weeks until final exams and they need characters on every fricking thing there is. To say it lightly, I don't need boyfriends to worry about every fucking second. I don't have the time, but I love them to much to break up about them for that only.

It would probably be for the best, but some distractions once in a while is always nice, and since we go in the same class it is pretty much the same for all of us. The key word is once in a while. I don't need them on my neck and shoulders through every hour of every day.  It is exhausting. I will go so far to break up with them if they can't get over themselves. Just not yet.

I stood in front of the mirror, checking out my outfit. It consisted of nothing more fancy than one of the hoodies I love to wear, this one gray, and blue skinny jeans. It was plain and easy, making me feel a bit uneasy. I was filled with uncertainty, maybe I should have chosen something nicer to wear since it was in fact a date. At the same time it could raise suspicion with my parents, who of course knew that we're only going to be guys since I can't plan anything in advantage and thus ruining everything for myself.

Oh well, the guys won't care anyway I suppose. I put some hair gel into my hair to keep it in place and hadn't more time to dwell on anything when the ring of the doorbell sounded throughout the house. I tried to keep my posture straight, quite literally, as I walked down the stairs, hearing my parents already shushing Marius inside. What I really wanted was to leap into his arms and really welcome him, but there is no way that I'm going to do that in front of my parents. 

Marius was dressed more nicely than me, but luckily not too nicely. He had a blue sweater with a white shirt underneath and plain blue jeans. Nothing overly fancy, nothing suspicious. Sometimes it's like he know exactly what I need and how I think. No wonder we always joked about being twins. He lightened up by seeing me, and I was right he didn't even take note of what I was wearing his eyes drowning in mine. I knew that my parents were still watching and I broke the gaze before too long.

"You're early" I stated, walking towards the stairs again, knowing he would follow my lead. I glanced at my parents, fearing as always that they might have seen past me, seen who I really was. I let out a tiny breath in relief as they at least appeared clueless. I was stalled nevertheless by my mother, as she yelled out to me.

"You want something to eat before you leave or?" I released air I wasn't aware of holding and shaking my head. "Well we're about to leave soon then, so don't take too long. I'll call for you" She said strictly, but letting us go.

When we entered my room, Marius closed the door softly behind him and grabbed after me. He pulled me into a hug, which I let him. Not for long though, the fear of anyone barging in my room at any moment was still there. I would have heard them, but logic have never worked well with fear it seems. Fear crush logic any time, anywhere, I swear to bacon that there is no way to be free.

There was a thick silence around us, he could sense my fear I guess and wrong words could make things worse so we ended up in silence. Only to do something I braided our hands together, it was innocent enough and easy to hide. Marius smiled dotingly at me, and damn, only to be an ass he raised our connected hands high enough to kiss the top of mine.

"My fair lady~" He whispered mockingly, with that doting smile on his face that almost made it impossible to get angry at him for that.  Almost. I glared at him, not saying a word because there was no words to be spoken. His smile only widened at that, mischief lightening in his eyes. As I said, only to be an ass. Dickhead. Tell me, why do I like this moron again?

My mouth must have moved without my permission, my voice spilling out the words that was meant to stay safely inside my head. He only laughed at me, giving me a wink and not commenting on my question at all. Oh well, maybe there wasn't any real reason at all. I think we stood like that, holding hands and communicating with our eyes and facial expression only for an entirety, then my mother shrieking voice snapped us back to reality. "Aleksander, are you ready to leave yet?"

It is dangerous to be in love, time fly away when you look in the others eye and their smile become your smile. I sighed and yelled back, "We'll be down in a minute!"

I let go of his hand, walking to the bathroom and took on some more deodorant. Marius was always only steps behind me. "I haven't asked yet, but which movie are we about to watch" He asked, his eyes glued on me. Crap, I don't know either, I let Kristian and Mathias choose since it didn't bother me at all what we were going to see.

"Uhm... It's for me to know and you to find out" I improvised, grinning at the smooth save. I am not completely bad at it, huzzah. We left the bathroom and sprinted down the stairs, a contest that we hadn't agreed upon, but a contest none the same, which I won. I could hear Marius mutter behind me, "Cheater"

"Poor loser" I teased back as I grabbed my jacket and started to work on my converse. They were a hell to deal with sometimes, especially when you wanted to get out as fast as possible. Well, let the plan begin, oh bacon, please let this work out for the best...

* * *

**Kristian's POV  
**

First time the doorbell rang I was fresh out of the shower, half dressed and therefore shirtless. It would have been more awkward if it was Aleks and Marius showing up at my door then, I don't think Marius had been very amused with first being forced to my place only to find me half naked which can hint to that I had some inappropriate plans in mind. Which I don't have. No not at all.  A guy can dream, okay. 

Luckily it was Mathias and he was more than amused seeing me like this. He made a mocking whistling sound when he walked into my bedroom, must have been let inside by my parents, and now I could see from my peripheral vision from where I stood in front of the closet on my hunt for a shirt that he leaned on the door frame in a plaid button-up and familiar blue jeans while eying me with desire in his eyes. He strutted into the room until he I felt his presence behind me.

I let shirt be shirt, and turned to greet him. He pulled me into an embrace, his arms around my hips, hands resting at the small part of my back making it easier for him to push me closer up against him. I looked down at him with my height in favor, wrapping my arms around his neck and our lips met in a soft, teasing kiss. It promised more, only not now, not here, but later. 

Sadly I knew it was a promise which was going to be broken by myself. Right now, right here I neglected the thought, stealing multiple of brief and small kisses. It was slowly leading to more desperate kisses, hot and steamy when our tongues searched out for each other, battling for dominance as I changed our roles with Mathias crushed up against the closet and in the end I had to force myself back to reality when I felt a buzz in my pocket.

We broke apart long enough that I could  see that Aleks had sent a text, and I knew what it read even without opening it.

"Shit, I should put on a shirt, they'll be here any minute now" I muttered to myself, but froze to the ground as I realized that Mathias indeed still was there, and had of course heard what I had said. "Who are coming?" He questioned, with that god damn cute puppy face. Damn me. I grabbed a random blue button-up and kept my eyes away from Mathias.

That did not help, I was about to go into the bathroom to fix my hair when he caught my hand and spun me around so I had no other choice than to face him. He demanded an answer, that much was clearly written on his facial expression. I ran a hand through my hair, cursing myself for have opened  my mouth in the first place.

"Don't get mad.. or you usually doesn't so well, hear me out" I pleaded and began informing about Aleks and Marius arrival, why I had asked him out in the first place and so on. He was speechless at the end, the former smile vanished from his face. I felt like the bad wolf here, my chest hurting as I watched his downcast eyes, pouting lips and slumped body language.

"Mathias, please, don't be like that, I don't do this to hurt you! Please..." I croaked out, one of my hands raising until it was resting softly on his cheek then stroking slowly downwards so my hand got a grip on his chin, with that advantage I slowly tilted his head up so he had to meet my eyes. Those beautiful light blue orbs was completely opposite from their usual warm and soft gaze, staring ice cold and hard at me. 

"Then why do you this then?!" He snarled. 

"I am tired... Tired of Marius murderous glares, tired of not even daring interacting with Aleks in front of either of you two, fucking tired of feeling like this is only going to hell and I'm going with it. I know fucking well that I promised to keep the two relationships separate, but it never meant that I promised to never speak to Aleks which it seems like you and Marius believed!" I jabbed at him, anger clouding my judgement. 

Too late I knew I had fucked up, that was not the way to make him understand how I felt. Blue eyes watched my every movement, their coldness vanished in a flash and their usual light with it. I sighed. I planted a barely there kiss on his pouting lips.

"Mathias, baby, I only want things to work with the four of us since we actually have to see each other every day and if we can't stand each other it will ruin how we do it in school. School is bad enough by itself, that you have to agree in, so do you really want to keep on this jealousy or whatever?" I proceeded against his lips. I felt him giving a slight shake of his head and I let go off him, satisfied.

Right then sounded the second ringing of the doorbell, and I was still not finished fixing myself. I didn't bother walking down to greet them and continued on my way to the bathroom. First and foremost I have a hair to attend to. I had only the hair wax in hand when both a slightly gloomy looking Marius and a tired-of-it-all Aleks barged in.

"Geez, never heard of privacy?" I complained, keeping my eyes on Marius. He wasn't glaring so Aleks must have said something. Or maybe he just respected that it was my house we were at and all that. Who knows, and honest to god who cares?

"Are you not done yet?! How is it even possible to be so slow in getting ready? I sent you a text when we left from home so you would be done until we arrived. Just get done, I'll go wait with Mathias in your bedroom, Marius stay here and make sure he doesn't use an eternity on that hair of his." Aleks fumed, sending me a discrete wink and storming out again. Oh, yeah, let me be alone with someone who would like to kill me more than anything.

Brilliant. To my amazement Marius actually stayed, even walked inside and ended up leaning against the sink right beside me whereas I tried to tame the fluff of mine. It was silent as the grave for a while, and then Marius couldn't take it anymore. "So why this group date?" He asked, plain and simple. Hm, I like that about him at least.

"To say it simply, to force us to get along and if we succeed in doing so tonight, then we should be able to do so at school too" I replied awkwardly, feeling his hard eyes at me. I shuffled from foot to foot, finishing styling my hair so it at least stayed out of my eyes. I met his eyes then. He didn't glare, he was also not looking like he was going to commit homicide, no he seemed to calculate if I was speaking the truth.

"Really?" He asked suspicious. I nodded, keeping our eyes locked so he wouldn't think I was lying. Awkward silence filled the air between us for a while. I didn't know what to say to fill it, and after a minute or so it began bothering me thus I said the first thing coming to mind.

 "Aleks' really good looking, isn't he, like inhumanely sexy." Was the word which fell out of my mouth. Marius snapped his head back towards me, looking overrumpled by my statement, his eyes filled with suspicion. "Don't take me wrong here, it is only a fact" I added quickly, resulting in only more awkwardness. It ended abruptly when I heard Marius chuckle, making a grin plaster on my face.

"Fact? Well I suppose so, I won't disagree after all~. One thing though, since you like both Aleks and Mathias doesn't that mean you think both of them are attractive?" Marius wondered, actually smiling at me. Progress!

"Not exactly, like yeah I find them both attractive of course, but Aleks is more... Fucking hot and handsome, while Mathias is adorable as fuck and so damn cute!" I reasoned, letting the words flow free. Marius let out another chuckle.

"Aleks is cute too though, especially when he..." "blush and deny that he love me" We drawled simultaneously, then staring incredulous at each other and began laughing. When we fell silent again, it was a more pleasant silence than awkward. Marius broke it with a rather odd statement. 

"You know, they aren't the only attractive ones" I smirked uncertain at him, not knowing where he was going with that. " Oh?" I waited for him to keep on going.

"You don't look so bad yourself, but I guess you already knew that with the amount of time yo use to admire yourself" Marius teased, but taking away the but and everything after that, is it possible that he..?

"Are you actually flirting with me here now?" I couldn't resist to snicker, this was so unreal that it possible could get, Marius was flirting with me! What have the world become.

"And what if I did?" He countered back, eying me seriously. Oh, trying to be endearing are we? It is funny to think that only ten minutes ago he was probably ready to end my life himself, or maybe not that bad, but let me be over dramatic, and now he was laughing and flirting with me.

"I think you have to do it some more, or else I will make myself believe it was my imagination only~, you were ready to kill me not long ago so it can't possible be real!" I smirked.

"Oh hell no, it will  only add fuel to your self -loving-fire. Can't have you all cocky and full of yourself, can we?"

"You hurt me! I would rather be full of something else than myself" the words were out before I had thought them through. Fortunately Marius laughed it off. Silence enveloped around us. We should probably be going soon if we should reach the movie in time, I thought. The silence  was however broken by Marius once again with a rather bold question. 

"Have you done it with either of them?" That was not a question I was ready to hear. I stuttered over meaningless sentences who all leading to _'Why do you ask?'_   while trying to fight down the rising flame in my face.

"Just answer me please." He snorted, not amused in the slightest by my stuttering mess of words and fiery blush, okay maybe he was a bit amused by my undeniable blush, now let's forget that that even happened.

"No. I haven't, Mathias seem happy with how it is, Aleks isn't ready and I won't force him or Aleks to any thing they won't like" I revealed, feeling a bit weird for talking about this with Marius who was interested in Aleks in the same way I was. A first for everything I suppose. Marius said nothing after that, not that he had any time to do so either. Mathias and Aleks stormed in then, both seemingly happy for some reason.

"Oh perfect, your done, we're about to leave so hurry up!" Mathias announced happily. I am surprised to say so, but I am a bit excited for how this evening is going to go. So far it have come off with a good start and that in itself is a miracle. Is it to much to hope it will stay like this?

* * *

**Aleksander's POV  
**

We arrived by the cinema in good enough time to decide that it would be cheaper buying snacks at one of the stores nearby instead of the snack store inside the cinema since we had the time to do so. Mathias and Kristian led the way, their hands firmly clasped together. I felt jealousy sip through me. I steered my thoughts onto something less gloomy, like Mathias.

We had talked quite a bit as Kristian and Marius had 'bonded' in the bathroom. I had discovered that he had some of the same problems with the home situation and it was therefore he had been a bit off lately when I had pointed out how he had been quite depressed since we came to the last agreement. That on top of being unsure if I was going to steal Kristian away from him had been a bit too much apparently.

Not that I blame him, the past few  weeks had been more than enough for myself  to handle and that was basically only school related stuff so I had managed to escape from it from time to time, something Mathias hadn't. It was of course not only serious talking, neither could stay very serious in the end and only ended up making poor jokes that we found hilarious when they really made no sense at all.

All in all I feel like we worked through the issues between us, without directly facing them. It is something with him, making me so certain that it is alright between us. I lifted my eyes from the pavement to eye him, but it only led to meeting his and Kristian connected hands again. I almost froze to the spot when I felt Marius hand brush up against my arm.

I tried to ignore it, it was probably only a accident since we were walking side by side after all, but when I felt him try to slip his hand into mine I jumped away from him. It made Marius halt to a stop, and the other two didn't take long before they noticed that we weren't right behind them anymore. They stopped to and turned to search for the reason why we had halted.

"I won't do hand-holding! Not here..." I hissed at Marius, ignoring the eyes that were obviously filled with how hurt he felt in favor of walking away. I didn't make it past Mathias and Kristian, since Mathias withheld me by grabbing a hold of my arm. 

"What's so dangerous about a bit of hand-holding?" He argued, my fear had gone right past him it appears, wonderful. I gritted my teeth, trying to control the burning fear inside me.

"People can see, they'll **know**..." I muttered weakly, keeping my stare at his hand still wrapped and closed around my arm. 

"They won't know anything, and if they in some miraculous way do, why should you  care? We'll make sure no one will even think about bothering you!" Mathias assured softly, gesturing to the three of them. His hand slid down my arm until it rested on my own. He kept murmuring softly for my ears only as he turned my hand in his until it was palm up and he slowly braided his fingers together with mine, "See, there is really nothing to fear, I promise."

My blood ran cold at that, I kept fretting as I scanned left and right while my instinct screamed to release his hand.Which I couldn't since he had a pretty good hold onto me. I didn't struggle however, I knew I could trust Mathias so I didn't want to struggle against him, but it did not keep paranoid thoughts away or calm my building fear that someone now could see.

"Relax, we're all alone, there are only complete strangers who couldn't care less about you and me holding hands." Mathias kept  comforting me softly, and even if my fear didn't vanish in the blink of an eye I managed to nod, to calm down slightly so I didn't fret every other second. It made Mathias smile proudly at me and I don't know why, but I needed it, exactly that, from Mathias himself.

Mathias kept leading on, never even hinting to letting go of me. Halfway to the store I was relaxed enough to take my gaze of our connected hands to notice how Kristian and Marius were awkwardly trotting behind us. I smirked with mischief at the opportunity.

"If it isn't anything to fear by holding hands, then you should do it too!" I said matter of factually. I don't think I need to explain why I wanted them to do so. Marius began stuttering out weak complaints about it, not really looking like it was the worst that could happen to him and the words only spilling out automatically. Kristian only looked at me, waiting for an explanation.

I refused to give any, sending him my best pointed look. He sighed and took Marius hand in his, I was not blind for the slight blush apparent on his face. Marius fell silent when I gave ham the same piercing glance, making Mathias chuckle beside me. I turned back to him. 

"What?" I smiled, his smile contagious and I watched him in confusion over his amusement. He only shook his head, keeping a secretive smile on his face as we arrived the store. I pouted, curious to what was so funny that he couldn't share.

We picked the candy we wanted, causing a few debates between the four of us about which candy was indeed better than the rest. It was mostly Mathias and I that won those debates, because Marius and Kristian was easily to convince otherwise. After the fifth banter we decided that if we were going to reach the movie before it started we should buy what we had already picked instead of searching for more. It only cause more discussions and if we kept going at it we wouldn't be done until a time tomorrow or when we were eventually thrown out.

All the time Mathias had my hand connected with his, which I had suddenly forgotten because of all the fighting about candy. When we were on our way back to the cinema and filling our pocket as much as possible to sneak inside I  remembered the secretive smile.  
"What was so funny earlier?" I asked outright, sensing that Mathias knew perfectly well what I was referring to since his lips stretched into a smile immediately.

"No, well it was quite funny that Kristian and Marius obeyed your order like some loyal puppies, only that" He kept on smiling, this time containing his laughter as he saw Marius  and Kristian had turned to glare at him from where they walked in front of us, they too still hand in hand.

"Be careful with how you word yourself, Marius and I can take you both down any day, any time" Kristian threatened, a glint in his eye told him it was meant in a more perverse way. I picked up on a rather particular part of his sentence. 

"Oh, so it is _'Marius and I'_ already, is it? I feel a bit cheated on now" I sniffed, mastering a pout to hide my cruel try on a joke. Both Kristian and Marius' faces fell at once, they looked fucking ridiculous it is a wonder I kept my pout in check, then they began denying it, not that you could understand a word that came pouring out their mouths since they said it simultaneously.

I couldn't take it after half a minute with rambling, when I erupted in laughter which Mathias soon joined in. The other two glared at us, then looked at each other and began laughing themselves.

\-------

Kristian and Mathias had in the end chosen the new fast and furious movie, Fast and furious 7, and it was packed with people. By some bacontastic miracle we actually got four seats beside each other nevertheless. I sat to the far left beside Kristian with Marius between himself and Mathias.

I have been wanting to watch it since it first came out, hell since the first time I saw the trailer so I had no complaints at all on it. We opened the various amount of candy we had bought while the advertising played on  the big screen. 

"Aleks can you pass the skittles you have been possessing for a while now?" Mathias asked, reaching out for it. It was a bit problematic for him since both Kristian and Marius was in the way.

"Geez, watch out where you put your arm!" Marius muttered, almost spilling his soda when Mathias hit him by accident. "And for the record I never asked for you to climb into my lap"

"I don't desire it very well either, Marius, but I want the damn skittles! By the way, I know you secretly love it." Mathis grinned, still grasping after my skittles. Kristian made that a lot easier by leaning as far into his seat as possible, not hindering Mathias in the slightest.

"No, I don't trust you with the second-most-godly edible thing in the world! It's going to be empty for Skittles even before the movie starts if you get it!" I huffed, holding the Skittles as far away from him as possible. Kristian laughed at us, saying something about acting like kindergartener while shaking his head.

"Oi, who are you calling a child? You're not any better yourself" I pointed out, sticking out my tongue at him for good measure. God I am pretty much a child aren't I.  
 Right then the movie started, and I knew Kristian was about to kiss me, which first of all I would not have allowed and second I seriously wanted to watch the movie. I shushed the others, full focused on the big screen.

\----

I felt a bit sad when we left the theater, not only because of the end of the movie was sad as fuck I mean come on, but also because it had ended up being a perfect date, not only as a group with two couples more like a mix of everyone, which I think sounds a bit weird. Still, it was like that and it was perfect. Not only was it fun, I also faced one of my fears. I can't say I overcame it quite yet, and I won't any time soon either I think. 

Anyhow it is a beginning, a beginning of a new start where everyone get along and I think we were never angry at each other to begin with, not really, it was all these other feelings making us act like we had. This turned out as a good solution, a way to maybe not face what was the problem to begin with, but overcome it anyway. Like everyone became even better friends than they were before all this shit started. 

I have to admit that it is a very big relief spoken honestly. It opened up for possibilities where we could all hang out together, do stuff and help each other if necessary. I don't think I will ever need to prioritize one of them relative of the other

One thing I had to test out before I could get home, into bed and sleep with a clean conscious. The others was having a heavy discussion about what part of the movie was the best and right before we rounded the corner to where our parents most likely would be I made sure there were no people in our sight of view then I pushed Kristian up  against the wall right in front of the other two and gave him a slow, long kiss. 

When we broke apart, Kristian was blushing furiously with a satisfied smirk on his face. I hadn't the time to see how the others reacted when Marius wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"If he gets some, I want some too" He muttered seductively into my ear. It was not a choice. He turned me sideways around, not patient enough for me to face him properly before his craving lips were on mine. I melted into it, then returning it with full force and if it weren't for the sound of a pack of people stumping out of the theater on the other side of the building I don't know how long it would have lasted.

The sound were there however, and I broke it when it had only just begun. I saw Mathias giving Kristian the same treatment and I shoved his shoulder to signalize that it wasn't the time nor place right now. We resumed on our way, the banter continuing from where I had interrupted it earlier and this time I gladly volunteered.

"No no, it was more awesome when they jumped from the plane in cars!" Mathias preached, crossing his arms in defense.

"I think the coolest was when Paul Walker jumped off that bus right before it fell down the cliff and grabbed hold of the rail of the car, you know what I mean right?" Marius implied.

"What about the street fight at the end? That was fucking epic! Especially when Dom stumped the ground and it fucking collapsed around that guy" Kristian contributed.

"Can't we all agree that the whole fucking movie was cool, awesome and epic in itself!" I declared as I saw my mother waiting for me in front of the building already. They agreed, probably the first thing everyone so far have agreed upon.

"Well, my ride's here so, smell ya later losers" I joked, waving a hand towards them and climbed into the car. My mind flooded with thoughts in the silence of the car, reflecting on some of the events that had happened, like for example the hand-holding for once, the stupid candy bantering and of course the in some ways good night kiss. 

I had kissed Kristian to experiment, and I would say that it was an experiment with a very positive outcome and with perfect results for the future, showing that we finally could act like ourselves in front of the others and not think every fucking word through that could somehow be misunderstood.

Now there is only this matter of conflicted feelings, I have a lot of them recently they keep on coming, and I know it was my own thought but this date were like we all was on a date with everyone, not two couples, not the three different combinations that already are between us which sounds as strange every time I think about it, more like everyone with fricking everyone. Is this going to lead to another dilemma? I only hope I can keep this under my parents radar for a while longer at least.

I'll just eat loads of bacon, it have in some ways helped so far. In this messed up world, it is much better pretend so shush...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Exams are killing me or rather all the work between the exams like what the actual fuck.  
> It's funny to see that I get people addicted to this, to the point where they ship them almost as much as myself x3 I have to say I have become to love this little thing of mine, and I have soooo many plans and the only problem is how to write everything!! Well I can't promise a fast chapter, but you got a long nice chapter right here so don't kill me please? x3  
> Holy mother of goats this chapter was long, fricking 10 000 words and everything, I spent a whole night writing only for you o.O  
> Reason why it is so long is basically because I wanted to have the whole turning point in one chapter, so I refused to divide it into to small one so heh =^.^=  
> Ps. I have not watched Furious 7, I only chose it because it was the first I came up with and all the description is from watching the trailer and spoken with my step brother about it so yeah... Please don't kill me for being clueless >_


	8. Trip to new trust issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Argh, sometimes, no I always hate to be lost in my thoughts, in my depression and anxiety. I should probably just keep to Marius and Mathias, after all I won't lose them too just because what happened with Kristian. He betrayed them as well.
> 
> Betrayed may be a too big word, too harsh. I can't really bring myself to think like that either. I feel rage for what happened or if I am lucky, for what I thought happened, it still didn't made me hate him to put such big words on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the long wait, summer is unmotivating and I am a lazyarse. Btw sorry if this chapter is a bit angsty or shit, I am not sure where this chapter went, I just kinda followed the flow...

**Aleksander's POV**

"Pass me the god damn popcorn!" I demanded from where I was sitting between Marius legs, my head nuzzling on his shoulder and his arms were securely wrapped around my stomach. For some reason we were sitting on the floor on a mess of blankets and pillows with Lord of the Rings playing on Marius' television. Kristian sat in the sofa with Mathias who had stolen the popcorn for themselves for the0 minutes.

"Good luck with getting that back. I think Mathias is asleep, and he has a iron hold onto the popcorn!" Kristian supplied, not helpful at all. I tried to get a glimpse of them from over Marius shoulder and sure enough, Mathias was curled around the bowl like a dog with his head on Kristian shoulder. I think he was drooling on top of that.Pretty cute.

I sighed in defeat and slumped back into Marius, wiggling into a better position with his arms around me. We were halfway through The Two Towers so it wasn't that strange that the weak have been weeded out already.

Marius had been quiet for a time too now so I think he have fallen asleep, his head resting against my shoulder. I feel like a human teddy bear to be honest as he cuddled me closer. Originally we were going to have a Lotr marathon everyone agreed to it, but here we are. I didn't mind really,  I have been overjoyed the last two weeks since we all have been hanging out and shit. 

And now we have a fucking sleepover at Marius' place so I won't complain that they sleep through one of the best film series there are. Okay, maybe a bit. When it ended however we had a bit of a problem to change disk since we were both trapped under our boyfriends. In my case more like trapped in his arms. Somehow I made it out of his hold and changed the DVD before sitting back into his fawn.

"I'm kinda surprised that I am the one who managed to hold out the longest to be honest" Kristian mumbled from the sofa, somehow retrieved the popcorn from one sleeping Mathias which he now where stuffing his face in, not literally, but still.

"I have to say I'm shocked as well, proud, but shocked. Really, I thought you all would fall asleep since your Lotr tolerance is too weak, now hand me the popcorn will ya" I added quickly with a teasing edge, keeping my voice low to not wake the other two. I bit down in the delicious crunchy and salty substance as Kristian was so nice that he handed me the popcorn. Popcorn is the second best edible item in the world, after Bacon of course. 

We didn't pay really much attention to the film after that, instead discussing about how ridiculous long they are, which they don't need to be either, nevertheless we agreed that the films were pretty great all in all, especially the battle scenes. We also began making jokes about how weak Marius and Mathias were for only lasting through half the marathon, which led to mindless talking about who knows what as we slowly was drained for energy.

The film ended without me really knowing, well I knew practically every fricking scene that was displayed in the anyway since I had watched them a couple of times. Instantly I felt myself yawning, finally feeling the tiredness rain over me with full force. I was almost about to fell asleep in Marius embrace, it was so fucking cosy and comfortable you won't even believe it, when Kristian spoke up.

"We should go to bed, I'm pretty sure it won't be as comfortable in the morning." He said reasonably. I shot him a glance, immediately seeing that Mathias were now sprawled over his lap which couldn't be that comfortable for Kristian. I nodded reluctantly, not wanting to move out of Marius arms. I heard Kristian softly speaking to Mathias, a quiet grumble the only response.

"Marius... Hey, Marius! Let's move to a bed" I hissed, to tired myself to being as gentle as Kristian when I turned in Marius embrace to shake his shoulder. He woke hesitantly, mumbling and muttering. I didn't hear or care for what he was saying, getting to my feet. I helped him up, and together we stumbled to his room. Mathias had already taken the whole mattress on the floor for himself. overstatement, but not much really.

Kristian was probably the only one who's head still functioned, since he was the only one stripping out of his clothes until he was only in his boxers. I managed to kick off my own pants, before falling onto a mattress which was good enough for me. I didn't take note on what happened next as my mind hazily left for the wonders that were my dreams. I only noticed a warm body beside me which I automatically cuddled against.

\--------

The first thing I noticed was bright light hitting my eyelids, making a grumpy groan rumble in the back if my throat. The second thing I noticed was the cold gush rushing up my bare legs, and third was a comfortingly warmth beside me. I snuggled closer to the warmth, at the moment believing it was a pillow or blanket, it was warm and that was the only thought in my head. The smell was the fourth I noted, the warmth smelled good, somewhat familiar and thus very comforting. I hid my face into it, a blissful sigh leaving me. 

 I was halfway back into my hazy state of mind that were the nothingness of sleep, when the warmth moved slightly which startled and made me halt in my half asleep mind. It made it clear that I wasn't cuddling some _thing,_ but some _one._ Oh bacon sauce that explains my heated morning wood, not that it makes it any less awkward. Fucking hell please don't tell me I've been rutting against them all night...

I forced myself to blink open my eyes and the sight that met me both filled me with slight horror and amusement. I was snuggled close to Mathias, one of my legs tangled in between his own and my crotch pressed against his hip and it was clear that I had been sleeping with my head upon his chest. It wasn't the only thing that met my eyes when I opened them, I hadn't been the only one to become a bit intimate during the night. 

On the other side of Mathias was Marius and Marius was also resting against Mathias, their hands intertwined upon Mathias stomach. It was actually a bit funny how Mathias was sandwiched between us and still he looked so at ease and almost happy in his sleep. Marius had his head on Mathias' shoulder and his face was also slack and with the smallest hint of a smile. 

To top it off Marius was spooning with Kristian, Kristian having a good hold on Marius with his arms around his waist, that held Marius tightly against his chest and nuzzling his face into the crook of Marius neck. They looked so peaceful where they were sleeping and cuddling, more peaceful than they ever are with each other when conscious. 

I felt a smile of my own slip on my face, feeling so content with how we had ended up even if my head wasn't quite with the situation yet, to tired to function right now. Ignoring the awkward boner I was sporting and knowing the reason of slight movement underneath me I shoved my head into Mathias chest again along with my hand, making sure to shield out all the light that so rudely had awoken me. 

I faded into the darkness of sleep happily, crawling closer so our bodies wasn't separated with a single inch. 

* * *

  **Kristian's POV**

A harsh whispered "Wha- Fuck.." Was what woke me and the first thing I registered was that I was spooning with someone, a second look I saw the firm shoulders and dark chocolate brown messed hair instead of dirty blond or black. My veins turned to ice as I watched over the situation. Mathias was the one who had been muttering, the one to wake me, he was sandwiched between both Marius and Aleks with both their weights holding him down. 

I was just as stuck, one arm asleep under the weight of Marius and the other was locked in place by Marius own arm. I didn't want to stay in this slightly awkward position with one that had for only little while ago almost seemed to have wanted my head on a spike, but I didn't want to wake him up either since he was sleeping peacefully. I wasn't that desperate in getting away from him,

It was kind of surprisingly nice actually.

"Kristian, you awake" Mathias wondered, keeping his voice hushed as he also probably thought that he shouldn't wake the others yet. I moved slightly so my head rested on Marius shoulder and I had a clear view over Mathias. We caught each other eyes momentarily and not a single word passed between us for a while. My eyes never left him, tracing every feature of his face.

I could see that he was a little freaked out about the way he woke up, it's not everyday you wake up with two guys halfway sleeping on top of you in a more intimate kind of manner. All in all, understandable.

"You okay there?" I smiled, trying to ease up the tension that clearly showed in his posture. He shook his head, but then changed his mind from what I could see from how his face scrunching up in a thoughtful grimace, a frown taking place on his adorable face. The sun glinted through the curtains, hitting his hair so it shone in a golden kind of way. I'm not embarrassed to say that I had never lusted over him that hard as I did right then and there. We were still separated by like a whole body plus more. 

I realized too late that getting aroused while spooning against someone is one of the single stupidest thing to do. Mother of gods, this is _Marius._ I shouldn't have a fucking boner while spooning with him for gods sake. I desperately tried to get rid of it by forcing the worst of mental images I could think of, like Gloria in frilly underwear or something that was totally disturbing. It did not help that he stirred in my embrace, moving slightly and thus unconsciously rubbing against my crotch with his ass.  A subtle groan rumbled in the back of my throat and I bit my lip to refrain from making any noises out loud.

I prayed that Marius wouldn't wake up, at least not until I had get rid of the embarrassment between my legs. I think God hates me, since he totally ignored my prayers. A yawn was the only warning I got before a not-so-manly shriek left him. I am a bit proud that wasn't me. It was understandable that you get a bit freaked out when your only inches away from someone's face. 

Unluckily for me he pushed away from Mathias only to find himself pressed against me and my half hard erection. I couldn't resist the moan that escaped me. I froze in fear and then quickly pounced away from him with a yelp of "I can explain!" 

I flushed beet-red where I now sat embarrassed on the floor, not another word leaving my mouth since I didn't know how to explain or anything. Marius didn't look any better himself, same deep red colour on his face and wide eyes of realization of what had hit him in the back when he had scooted closer to me. Aleks chose that exact moment to wake up,  a confused look on his face as he cuddled against Mathias. Slowly the haze left him and he practically jumped away from Mathias, blushing furiously along with the rest of us while clenching his tights together, I assumed he had the same problem as me. 

I cursed my hormonal teenage body for reacting in such a way at simply human contact. Even if it was understandable since we all were laying in questionable positions against each other. Still, it was only my body and Aleks that reacted in that kind of manner, which either means it shouldn't make us 'excited' or Marius and Mathias can control their dicks a lot better than me and Aleks. I really have to be in quite the daze since I can handle to have these thoughts without flinching about how gay I sound. Not that it really matters anymore if I have to be honest.

As my boner finally subsided, for come on an awkward moment like this is not exactly a turn on, and the blood rushed more to my face than to my dick I finally dared to look up from the floor that had been a lot more fascinating for the past minute or so. The others still kept their eyes off each other, faces still flushed a clear red. I bit my lower lip in thoughts, which none made any sense with the exception of 'I should do something about this damned situation'.

Mathias was the angel to actually break the super awkward silent, or rather his stomach which made an awfully loud rumbling noise. Both Marius and Aleks snapped their head in his direction with two matching incredulous looks on their faces. Mathias blushed even more furiously then and I couldn't resist the laughter that spilled from my mouth, Marius joining soon after. Aleks just kind of smirked dumbly at us there we practically died of laughter over something so stupid and Mathias grinned shyly at us, beaming at how the awkwardness had just left the room as quickly as it had gotten there.

"Time for breakfast perhaps?" Marius got out from in between the peel of laughter, wiping away tears that was starting to form in his eyes. Later I would probably find this situation really stupid, like beyond stupid even since it wasn't anything specifically funny about it, but it was a sudden change from the tense quiet that I think everyone was grateful for and laughing seemed the most normal reaction right there and then.

Mathias nodded enthusiastically at the question, jumping to his feet and waited impatiently for us to follow by the door. So damn adorable...

We made our way down, falling into easy chatter, the whole incident already forgotten for a while at least. The house was quiet and empty with the exception of us. The clock in the kitchen showing that it was around 1 Pm already, meaning we had really slept in even in the positions we had slept in. Hm, would have thought it would have been a lot more uncomfortable  considering we had all crammed together on one single mattress. We made an easy breakfast lunch consisting of sandwiches with whatever we wanted to have on them, too lazy to make anything else.

Mathias devoured his food with pleasure, where he got the appetite from the gods only knows. Aleks nibbled on his food until both me and Marius pestered him into taking bigger bites so he actually ate something instead of just crumbs.

"Are you guys as excited as me for the alpine trip with the school this Wednesday?" Mathias asked suddenly, still wolfing down on sandwiches. I smirked at Aleks as he groaned, showing that he was not in the least excited for it. He hid is face in his arms, muttering curses and something I couldn't really gather.

"Say that again, I didn't really catch that" It was only teasing, but he did straighten himself up into facing me.

"I will never understand how you got me into coming on that trip with you" He said dead serious. Marius chuckled with an evil glint in his eye, Mathias innocently keeping on eating his sandwich while I couldn't have a blank face and smiled like an idiot at him.

"I think it had something to do with pleading" I hinted nonchalantly, which Marius and Mathias took as a cue as we all three faced Aleks with a pout and puppy eyes. It worked at once, making him blush and look away abashed with a scowl.

"No shit, Sherlock..." He muttered, more to himself than to either one of us. It made us laugh, both in victory and we basically found everything a lot more funny this morning/afternoon than we did on a daily basis. Aleks pouted and hid his head in his arms again. Since I sat across of him I came up with a brilliant idea. I wrapped my feet in between his, letting a foot feel up his leg so he had to pay attention to me. He lifted his head a little so he was still resting against his arms, but now were looking up at me with a glare. I sent him a sly grin and continued the obvious feet flirtation. 

"Sap..." Aleks mouthed, trying to keep himself from smiling at me. He failed miserably and I almost patted myself on the back because of that.

"Anyhow, I think it's going to be a awesome trip, considering we'll all be together and we'll probably get to have some time alone without the class" Marius commented with a wink on Mathias earlier question. I nodded in agreement at that, more concentrated on how my feet were still sort of linked with Aleks'.

"That's true, maybe we don't have to be that careful under the trip as we have to be all the time at school, it would be a bit relieving" Mathias muttered dreamily, which made my eyes fall on him. He was staring out in the air eyes glazed over with excitement... and something else, something darker which didn't mix very well with how adorable he was.

"I swear to god, I am surrounded by saps with a wild imagination. We still have to be careful, or else we'll be found out at once, Jeez."

"Oh Aleks don't be such a killjoy~"  I drawled teasingly, not really meaning anything with it. Aleks must have ignored the teasing edge as his face grimaced in another scowl. Sometimes it wasn't easy to know how far some people could take a bit of teasing before it became personal. Before I got to reassure him in any kind of way Mathias was quicker to the beat. 

"Why does it mean anything if anyone at our grade know, it's not like it's the whole school or anything, besides they probably won't mind that much either way? Our class have at least gotten over... the things that I and Kristian did right in front of them so I don't really see the problem..." Mathias voiced, looking at Aleks with an adorable pout on his face. You could see how he was genuinely confused, oblivious to Aleks' fear on the matter. 

"I just... I can't" Aleks exhaled, barely above a whisper as if he was afraid to admit that he even was afraid. Luckily Mathias let the subject go after that, shrugging it of. I saw Marius gnawing on his lip as if he was about to add something to the conversation. I met his wandering gaze to give him a slight shake of my head. There were no use to poke the bear anymore, it was something Aleks had to work out by himself if at all. We could interfere when there was no other choice than do so.

"Now how about that school trip..." I started devilishly, a smirk on my lips while I kept my eyes on Aleks as both Marius and Mathias joined in the banter at once. Aleks sighed heavily, but there were a ghost of a smile on his face either way. It may not end up so bad after all, even if we have to behave...

\--------

I change my mind, this is going to be one hell of a week. Why? Oh I don't know, just the fact that I should be happy that my head is still connected with my body and not on some spike. I should be glad that Aleks still have some kind of love for me at least. It is not how it sounds really, everything only a stupid misunderstanding. I think this is the closest thing I'll ever come to hate Marie. 

Monday had started rather normal, nothing out of the ordinary, maybe some extra heated glances from all three certain something, one a bit more unsure than the other two, but still just as much there. Classes was not anything special either, everything a sort of blur since I didn't really care. Around lunch break Marie got her hook at me, taking my hand and more like dragging me into one of the toilet stalls. Aaah toilet stalls, where all the serious or not so serious chats (make outs) find their place. A silence erupted between us for quiet some time until I was forced to break it.

"If there weren't any reason for this whole 'kidnap Kristian to the toilet' thing I would like to go get some lunch before the break is over you know" I hinted, crossing my arms over my chest. She halfway glared at me then let out a sigh.

"There is no chance at all that we can get back together is there" She concluded more then asked.

"No, don't seem like it. I love you and all, just not that kind of love and that you should already know, so I guess you hauled my ass in here for something else, that's what I hope at least." I inquired with a lifted eyebrow at her, not amused in the slightest. I did not need another fight about this, not today, not this week. 

"Yeah... I wondered if we could still be friends, hang out and stuff." She proposed, sending me a weary smile. I studied her for a moment, trying to conclude if there wasn't anything behind the propose, that she truly meant that we only was going to stay friends. All I gathered that she seemed uneasy, as if she was waiting for the rejecting at once, like I wouldn't even want that much from her.

"I don't see why not" I smiled at last, genuinely meaning every word. She smiled sweetly at me, exhaling in relief and sank her shoulders. A muttered and weak "good" was all she said as he walked out of the stall. I followed her questioningly.  "Was that all you wanted to ask of me? That's why you forcibly dragged me all the way to the toilet stall?"

"Yeah, I needed to hear it from you in your own words, I was so sure you would reject me at once without even considering it." She declared shyly. I noted the sound of a door opening from behind, but was to focused on Marie to care.

"I would never have rejected you, where'd you get that thought from?" I retorted in disbelief. She shrugged slightly, only smiling at me. I heard the door close shut and I remembered my wish for lunch, my stomach gnawing in agreement. I was about to turn and leave when she stopped me.

"A hug before you go?" She asked innocently, her grin unsettling. I shrugged inwardly, and obligingly opened my arms for her. She didn't hesitate before wrapping her arms around my neck. I returned the gesture, holding her tight since hey, it was only a hug right? The first second it was, the next she kissed my cheek before letting me go and left. I turned around only to see Aleks with a murderous look on his face, if it was me or her he wanted to kill I'm not sure.  Oh shit, how long had he been standing there?

"Aleks..." I started, not getting any longer with that sentence before he stormed off. Oh damn, this won't be pretty. At the same moment I thought that some girls passed me from Marie's direction, giggling as they looked at me. I couldn't resist asking "What?".

"Oh we heard you and Marie made up, that's great! We knew you lovebirds wouldn't stay apart for long~" One of them drawled slyly. The others giggling in response of her words.

"Who told you that?" I questioned oblivious. It hit me with full force without them telling me so. 

"Marie, of course! Hey on the bright side it will help on your reputation after the hehe incident with Mathias and all" The same girl, Marline, continued before leaving with her gang of girls which had some sort of giggling fit. I felt rage, but also defeated. She couldn't have, could she?

* * *

**Aleksander's POV**

Unbelievable, just totally unbelievable. I know they heard me approaching, that door makes sound when it opens as well as it closes, so there is no way they could have missed me coming in. So why? That fucking...

I don't know who I am most angry with, the bitch or the fucking lying bastard with his cheating and comforting, reassuring voice that was all a lie! I can't, he had me fooled for so long, hell he had us all fooled. I don't know if I'll manage to restrain myself from flying at him and fucking crush his beautifully handsome face. Argh, I can't even insult him regardless of how angry I am with him, at him.

I want to kick his ass so hard, but still I can't get rid of those feelings for him and that makes it so much worse. I walked in on him and Marie in what could not be anything else than making up. He said he would _never_ reject her, what the fuck?! So why won't my feelings go away, they should break apart as much as my fucking heart did right then. I felt my eyes sting and water. I refused to let the tears fall however.

I ran to where I knew Mathias and Marius waited for me... for me and that traitorous,  _lying, cheating_   _ **bastard.**  _I fumed with anger and mind supplying a stream of really uncreative insults to that dick head. Anxiety the only thing from stopping me or else I would have tackled Marius, maybe both Marius and Mathias into an embrace lasting for how long this empty, broken feeling stayed put in my chest.

I did not do that, as I said anxiety keeping me stable. I would never have thought that I was going to be grateful for being an anxious moron, but it was probably the sole and lonely reason that I wasn't bawling my eyes out and staining Marius' shirt with tear tracks. They knew instantly that something was wrong when I approached them alone with a not entirely welcoming scowl.

"Aleksander? Where's Kristian?" Mathias asked suspicious. When I didn't answer immediately, they both patted the place between them. I hesitated, but found out that it wouldn't hurt and that I probably needed it too.  I settled between them, Marius intruding the personal space at once by pressing his knee against mine while Mathias rested his palm over my hand. The small amount of human contact made me relax a bit, making the tears easier to blink away and my breath evened out.

"Did something happen?" They tried again, their voice coming out in unison. I nodded stiffly, trying to avoid the eyes that were on me. Mathias stroke his thumb over the back of my hand in a slow circular motion. They waited for me to voice my troubles and that I knew, I just needed these peaceful seconds.

"Kristian is back together with Marie..." I revealed at last, my voice breaking as I choked out the witch's name. I was still pretty angry, I had seen her grinning evilly at me over Kristian's shoulder before kissing his cheek softly. Taunting me she did, showing what would never be entirely mine. I was stupid for ever believing he would be someday. Marius snorted from beside me. I turned with a glare directed towards him, but he met it with an unimpressed expression.

"Why would you ever believe, hell _think_ something that stupid" He retorted, voice soft despite everything. Mathias seemed to think the exact same from the facial expression on his face.

"I heard them, saw her clinging and kissing him"  I sneered angrily back, trying to hide how it really made me feel, how weak that thought made me. They watched me with doubt filled in their eyes.

"Heard, huh? What did you hear?" Mathias poked the subject carefully, talking slowly in the still soft tone as if to a frighten child or animal. I opted to be a bit angry at them too for acting like that, if I had any more anger that is. I was suddenly only exhausted of all these feelings storming around inside me, it was incredibly awful that it was only the first day of the week.

"I didn't hear everything, I walked in to get him right when I heard him say ' _I would never have rejected you, where'd you get that thought from?_ '. Marie said something after that, I didn't really hear, but they hugged and she looked right at me with this smug grin and kissed his cheek..." I ranted, feeling rage heat up inside me again along with the tears. I did not know if it was tears of anger or sadness. Feelings and the human body reaction is a weird combination when you think about it.

"Did he see you?" Marius asked quietly, trying to put all the pieces together. I nodded slightly, since he had. I had only been too angry to face him right there and then.

"Did he say something to you?" Mathias continued. Jeez, are they taking his side or defending him? I am about to think so if they don't say something that doesn't involve what he did.

"He was about to... I, however, didn't want to listen to anything coming out of his mouth at that moment" I sighed, feeling a bit shameful for not waiting for an explanation, but it did not change that he still had made up with Marie. I must have spoken the last part out loud.

"No it don't, but you should have asked him if it were like that instead of just leaving him." Marius added to my statement, knocking his knee softly against mine.

"Yeah, why don't we go find him and hear him out!" Mathias suggested, sending me a reassuring smile. They were both so sweet, believing and having so much trust in Kristian which I didn't. I may be really negative right now, but I am afraid to hearing him say that it's true. That he is sick of me already or were just curious about how it was being with a dude and since we were best friends it wouldn't really mean anything.

My mind supplied with other ridiculous, stupid things he could say if we asked him, every other one making me flinch mentally at what if it's true, what if that's going to happen. I feared to ask him more and more until I couldn't bear the thought more. Marius and Mathias were waiting for me to decide what we should do, both staring me with expectant eyes. The weight of Mathias hand and knee suddenly became even heavier and I just wanted to get away from them, even how much that hurt to admit to myself.

"I don't want to hear him out, I... I don't want to be right" I mumbled quietly, getting to my feet and leaving them, a war fighting inside of my mind. 'What ifs' and  'maybes' spiders worming their way in and making themselves at home in the back of my mind, slashing out now and then so I never felt safe. Great, exactly what I needed. A small part of me knew Marius and Mathias were absolutely right, but now I felt the pain of being anxious again. It always messed up things for me in the end it seems...

\---------

 I avoided them the rest of the day, keeping to others so I wouldn't get cornered by either three of them which worked out pretty well, there were only two hours left of the day after all. I just kind of hid away when I got home, only leaving the safe covers that was my bed to eat dinner, trying and failing to get the motivation to do a bit of homework that I had left. Too soon Tuesday came and I had to force my ass out of bed.

As I had predicted the day had an awful start. Gloria began the class with giving us information about the trip, which I now couldn't just drop out off since I had already paid for going. She told us that there were arranged which classes were going to sit on the same bus and which bus we were supposed to take. Of course were we placed on the same bus as E, were a certain bitch were. 

"Sadly, to make things easier to keep everyone under control, you have to sit with someone from the class at least for the trip to Trysil, Sorry Kristian, that means you can't sit with Marie" Gloria informed, a light tone as she directed the last statement to Kristian, who had the decency to look a bit flustered at that. A feeling cold and as ice spikes settled in the pit of my stomach, that look could only mean what I suspected was true right?

Always questions, never clear answers which would pester me for days. I want so much to talk to him, hear his voice directed towards me, but fear for what that voice would bring, what words would be spoken if I went to him now. That fear paralysed me to my seat, to stay ignorant and try to be naive that it was not how it seemed.

Ugh, I could think these things all days, but the fact that even I don't believe them makes it a worthless attempt. I should just move on already as to not bother Kristian with my useless feelings that is only in the way. If I get rid of them I could go back, be friends with him and support his relationship. A relationship I despise with all my heart, sending my thoughts on a dangerous path.

Strangely I got a sense of deja vu. Wasn't this almost the same thoughts I had before I ended up underneath him in a toilet stall which led to some pretty hot make out sensation. I should not get my hopes up this time. After all this is maybe similar in some ways, it doesn't change that the experience is a completely different matter.

Argh, sometimes, no I always hate to be lost in my thoughts, in my depression and anxiety. I should probably just keep to Marius and Mathias, after all I won't lose them too just because what happened with Kristian. He betrayed them as well.

Betrayed may be a too big word, too harsh. I can't really bring myself to think like that either. I feel rage for what happened or if I am lucky, for what I thought happened, it still didn't made me hate him to put such big words on it.

Aah, my own thoughts don't makes any sense anymore. There are a mix of to many emotions, all equal as strong and jumbling into a mass of complicated thoughts that apologies for what he did at the same time not, hates him for it, but loves him enough to shaking that thought away. Sadness or maybe even depression over such a stupid matter, heartbroken perhaps too, rage and tiredness. I don't know how to explain, there are so much.

The thoughts kept me from focusing so I was damned to get cornered by someone, I don't know if I am grateful or sad that it wasn't Kristian, but instead Marius. It happened after the last class, I don't even remember what I did that hour, my body working on autopilot it seems. I had done something at least, a slight distraction from the mess inside my head, but it hadn't kept it entirely away.

That must be why I was literally cornered by Marius. He had grabbed me by the hand to a secluded corner, luckily there were no onlookers, the few still there already halfway gone. Marius was patient though, waiting for everyone to leave before opening his mouth, but he looked hesitant and ended up closing it again.

"Hey." He uttered at last awkwardly, his voice soft and filled with hesitation as well. The whole act of him dragging me to the corner only to utter something like that, in such an awkward way to beat, made my emotions spill over. I don't know if I was crying or laughing so hard that tears made their ways down my cheeks, either way it was just totally ridiculous.

Marius didn't say anything for a while, he knew I had to go soon if I wanted to reach the bus, but he knew I needed this so he waited. When my tears wouldn't stop streaming, his arms found their way around me, embracing and forcing me closer. I felt so stupid. He caressed my cheek, thumb brushing away the tears. I think I just entered a chick-flick film now. When I got my idiotic feelings under control again, my head burrowed in Marius shoulder and he in return held me tightly against him.

"You think too much" He muttered, his breath a hot air against my neck. I could only nod, it wasn't a lie so to speak. Again I felt incredibly stupid, letting thoughts and feelings make me break down like this. I was weak, and Marius had seen that weakness. Who could like me like this? He didn't say anything more for a while.

"Was there any purpose... for cornering me like this..?" I said hesitantly, a sniffling mess. I stood straight again, furiously rubbing at my eyes. Marius kept his silence until I met his eyes again.

"It's about Kristian. Listen before you try to escape, at least hear me out, you need to hear this" He told me softly, his hand braiding itself with mine. I wanted to flee, oh how I wanted to flee. Marius eyes the only thing rooting me to the ground, how they promised something good as they were looking at me softly.

"I asked him about what happened, that much I think you already understood, and it's not like it looked like. That witch had just asked to be friends, and when you came in she had confessed that she believed Kristian would reject her, and since she had a witness that could say that he would never reject her and the fact that her choice of words could be understood in a lot of ways she made it seem like ' _oh, they are back together_ ', which is, if you didn't already get it, a lie." Marius revealed, searching gaze following my expression.

"I want to believe that, I really do... Why couldn't Kristian tell me that?" I muttered, keeping my own eyes on the oh so fascinating floor, after my emotion filled break down I was only exhausted and wanted this over with. I am to anxious to believe something that doesn't come from the source. I would love to believe Marius, and I trust him with all my heart, but my subconscious  tells me that he would tell me anything to feel better.

"He's afraid that you won't listen to him even if he explains..." Marius retorted, a hand on my chin forcing me to meet his eyes. He seems so honest, so genuine, so why won't I believe him. 

"Well, won't say he's wrong." I sighed. "I'm sorry, can I just think on it? I can't really think straight right now, since I am pretty exhausted and all. I'll probably call you later or something." 

"Yeah sure, uhm, of course" He fretted, hesitating again. I forced a smile on my face. I fished up my phone to check the time, only to realize that I of course had missed the bus so I had no other choice than to take the train. I sighed again, this day was simply awful.

"Well, I should go or else I'll miss the train too" I said, trying to get out of his hold. First he dragged me into a intimate, but brief kiss. After that he let me go, and I actually felt a happy fluttering amongst the other emotional mess inside me. Jeez, I manage to be a sap even when I am a mess, somebody stop me.

\--------

Wednesday arrived early, too god damn early. I know we have to be there early so we get at least a few hours skiing and what not, but having to wake up at 6 am is never ever a good experience. I wish I didn't have to go on this trip, but it's too fucking late. I hadn't called or responded to anything when I got home yesterday, I had thought about it which I now regret, so in the end I kinda ended up in the same situation as Monday.

Neglecting everything since the bed is my only friend in this world. I think I slept a bit too much to be honest. So waking up was terrible. And now I am on a bus with a crap lot of other tired teenagers. Yippee... I would like to either shoot someone or someone could shoot me right now for all I care. I tried to get away from the other three by trying to get Evan to sit beside me. Okay he wouldn't just keep the others away, if I know him correctly he would talk so much that I could get a chance to actually be distracted. That plan failed as Mathias slipped into the seat beside me.

He didn't say anything, he just sat there. His mere presence made my skin crawl with guilt. As the bus finally left the school, and everyone, correction most people kept to their seats, Mathias intertwined our hands. I had glanced at him when he did so, only to be met by a soft smile and kind eyes. I did not deserve that for how I have been ignoring him along with Marius and Kristian. The latter is maybe not a big surprise considering everything. Mathias and Marius didn't deserve to be ignored though.

Mathias luckily didn't try to talk to me at first  only sitting there beside me and holding my hand. I should think that I would feel like I was lucky, yet I didn't. He was like a silent reminder, about what have been going on for a couple of weeks now, about all the fucking drama and it threw my head, my very, very sleepy head into deep thoughts yet again.

Again came what Marius had said yesterday to mind, how he had explained so genuinely that it was all a misunderstanding, how Marie had twisted words so it became as she wanted it. How perfect that sounded, it would really be exactly what I wanted to hear. That's why I won't believe it, I refuse that such a sweet sounding thing can be real, that it's really just Marie being a bitch.

Not even if those words came from Kristian would I believe them, or I don't think I will. It depends on how he says it. I think. I'm not sure, and I'll never be since I don't want to hear what he has to say. I am a coward, that is all I am. A coward with a very convincing mind that this probably is my fault in the end.

Those were some agonizing couple of hours, I think Mathias tried to talk to me once, but as I was lost in those wretched thoughts I didn't really notice. Well, to be a bit positive, those hours did fly away because of the fact that I was utterly lost in that head of mine. I probably shouldn't think of it as a good thing, but I didn't have to talk to anyone and it made the time fly so it didn't feel quiet as an infinity.

As we got there, I was led by some of the guys in my guys to lend some gear. I moved as if on autopilot as I had done yesterday. I took some trips with the guys, I wasn't that bad on slalom, I just didn't care about it in particular. After the fifth or so round I quit trying to force myself to have some fun and walked to the fire where some teacher were sitting and chatting along with some other pupils.

I sat there brooding over the same thoughts as had been bothering me on the bus for I don't know how long, no one minding my presence. The sounds of people chatting and laughing was bothersome, so I thought that maybe this time some extra rounds down the hill wouldn't be anything worse than sitting moping all day, I had after all paid for this so I should not waste the opportunity.

I was taking it slow on the way down, the view were pretty amazing after all. It was maybe not such a stupid idea to come along, even if the only reason I am here now is because  _they_ convinced me to come. I suddenly wanted to be with them, to forget and just enjoy their company. It was always so much fun with those fools. Fun and I won't pretend that it isn't a bit erotic from time to time.

Memories filled my mind, missing their warmth as most of it happened to be with Kristian and my mind supplied that could I trust that these are genuine emotions or actions from his side, did he just play along. This should normally not make any sense, I know that, not that the logical part played anything in this mess, it was long gone as raw emotions and mistrust seeped into every little memory twisting them into something darker, a devils smile there and a false caring look here.

My mind kept dwelling on it far too much that I was in the same daze that had enveloped me since Monday, so ,stupid me, didn't care to notice that someone was coming towards me in a very quick pace until the person hit me and we both fell in a tangled mess into the snow.

"Ouch, did you even see where you were going?! Did you fucking crash in me on purpose? 'Cause that's what it feels like!" I exclaimed, rubbing at my achingly painful limbs and glaring up at the person. Two stark blue eyes was what I met, in a too familiar face that I had been mapping every feature off to many times. Out of fricking everyone the person who so rudely have to crash into me in an effort to probably break all my bones or something, of course, it just has to be Kristian didn't it?!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was super awkward to write and all /.\  
> I'm also finished with high school and it's a bit sad, especially since we're all parting ways ans my Otps are also parting and it just struck me that I can't stalk them that much anymore. So yeah...  
> Hope you likes this piece of awkwardness and drama and angst that I am so sorry for putting you through, I'm thinking this will be on around 13 chapters so there is still some way to go ^^  
> And I tried ending with a cliffhanger /.\ I probably failed, I am not good at this, it's just I needed to end it like that for this plan I have to work out, so I guess it will take a while until chapter nine is up...  
> Again I know this took way too long, but summer is making me really unmotivated, I'm sorry'  
> And sorry if it's a crappy chapter, I am so mispleased with it, maybe I'll change it later but this is the best I could manage


	9. Polyamory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, you sure as hell meant it, but I was not any better." I deadpan, not wanting to excuse my behaviour just yet. Plus I had not forgiven him either, so it was pointless for him to try to apologise before things were settled. He flexed his jaw, surely gritting his teeth. I held his gaze, waiting for him to continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha... At long last I update... Woops and actually amazing how I have spent almost a year writing this fic x3 Oh and sorry for being a slow poke, I just haven't really the motivation any more, or I have but like it's not that easily to gather it since I don't see my ship everyday T.T I need to find my stalker pictures so maybe I'll have some motivation again.

**Aleksander's POV**

_"Ouch, did you even see where you were going?! Did you fucking crash in me on purpose? 'Cause that's what it feels like!" I exclaimed, rubbing at my achingly painful limbs and glaring up at the person. Two stark blue eyes was what I met, in a too familiar face that I had been mapping every feature off too many times. Out of fricking everyone the person who so rudely have to crash into me in an effort to probably break all my bones or something, of course, it just has to be Kristian didn't it?!_

"Okay, I know you have thought a lot of things about me lately, but I didn't know blind were one of them, so yeah it was kinda on purpose" He chuckled, smirking down at me and I suddenly realized how fucking close his face was as I felt his hot breath against my face. I tried to push him off, but he grabbed hold onto my wrists. He pushed my hands over my head and into the snow, which was cold as hell. 

"Can you kindly get the HELL of me?" I asked harshly, turning my head to look away from his overly handsome face that was uncomfortably close for my own heart pleasure. I tried to keep it from fluttering too much in excitement, which proved hard when _Kristian_ was _right there_ , hands around my own wrists and our limbs a tangled mess with him, of fucking course, on top of my body.

"I know if I do, you'll just run away from me again." He hissed in my ear, why did I think it was a _good_ idea to face away from him, this is so much endearing then it should be. Oh my fucking bacon. I am screwed anyway. At least no one would recognize me, with snow and Kristian in the way. That was what I kept telling myself at least, trying to ignore that literally anyone we know could slide past and see us like this.

"How do you know, maybe all my bones already are broken after you crushed me into the snow, and no it is not that soft, on fricking purpose, you moron!" I snapped back, refusing to look at him yet. If people saw us now, they would surely know something was going on- Shit, from the right angle it could seem like we are making out or something! I struggled under his weight again, red flushed by the thought and fear prickling at my skin through the multiple layers of clothing where his body touched mine. 

"Stop over dramatizing, I didn't hit you so hard!... Or did I..? A-anyway, I just want to talk! Let me speak please" He stuttered a bit, his face twisting from irritation to guilt to this unreadable expression, a small smile on his lips. I almost, Almost, kissed him. Almost. I would have killed myself if I had though, I sighed, I needed space and I knew he wouldn't let me go before I promised to listen to whatever _lies_ he wanted me to listen to.

"Fine... Fine! I'll listen, okay? So please let's... not do it here." I insisted in defeat. His face split into this shit-eating grin, clear victory shining on his face. Oh yeah, just let me see how fucking pathetic I am. Jeez, I'll regret this won't I. It will take a lot explanation on his part before I would believe anything though. Or not.

"Okay, yeah, sure, let's get down from here and go somewhere more private!" He nodded, scrambling to his feet. He helped me up too, ignoring my grumbling about how much it fucking hurt in my left foot now or how it was all his fault that I most likely had a dozen bruises. He looked about to kiss me, but I clamped a hand over his mouth before he got to close and gathered my slalom skis.

"I bet I get down faster then you!" I exclaimed as I kicked on my skis, quickly checking if they were  properly fasten to my shoes. I didn't hesitate to leave him there to fumble after his own skis, laughing as I did.

"Hey! That's unfair!" He shrieked from behind me, but I could hear the laughter in his voice and I instantly knew he would let me win. It felt like I was flying down the hill, cold harsh wind whipping my cheeks, making them red and sting against the cold. The speed and the way I had to use almost my whole body to move made the troubling thoughts be thrown to the back of my mind as I was careful to not hit any trees or get to much speed.

As I reached the bottom of the hill, I almost went back up there, not because I wanted to run away (Okay maybe a little bit because I wanted to run away really), but more since I liked the refreshing feeling of making my way down. My desire was squashed the second I saw that, why am I even surprised, both Mathias and Marius were waiting for me. So I really had to have this talk then.

"Seems like you won" Kristian acknowledged with that bright smile that could lighten up the whole planet as he suddenly stood beside me.

"The only reason I won, is that you let me win" I jeered back at him, I won't let him think that I am the least bit happy for this talk. I am so against it, but it could be positive if he sought me out to tell me whatever he was going to tell me. Plus with the appearance of Marius and Mathias must mean they wanted me to hear this too. Please let it be something positive.

Wait. I can't be hoping for this to be what I _want_ it to be, there are very few things that I have wanted that have gone my way. I should not hope for the impossible, or is it impossible? May it be that I have told myself to many times that it is negative that I have started believing it, may it be that I have been overreacting or reacted too quickly too soon without confirmation that I should?

I felt a touch to my shoulder, a slight push forward and I shook away the thoughts for now. Kristian was still smiling when I looked back to him, nodding in the direction of Mathias and Marius. We took off our skis and then went to the fire where the teachers sat. We abandoned the skis there, no reason to have them with us now and slowly made our way away from everyone.

Marius and Mathias silently followed, I don't know why, it's not like I would kill Kristian or something. I at least think I wouldn't do so. Moral support maybe? No, I think I know, even I could feel the slight safety of having them there, so therefore I didn't really complain. When we got far enough out in the middle of nowhere, only faintly hearing people in the distant Kristian caught my arm and made me stop.

We stood there for a moment, averting our eyes from the other, me being patiently impatient for him to talk and Kristian seemed to steel himself for the conversation, or so it seemed when I snuck a glance at him. Marius and Mathias stood awkwardly a few feet away, waiting for something to happen. It was clear that they wanted to say something, to help us sort this out.

"It's not like what you think, you know" Kristian started hesitantly, breaking the everlasting silent. It made me look at him, the same unreadable look at his face. As I stood there, searching his face, trying to understand the meaning of his words, it struck me. He looked pained, troubled and tired. I almost gaped at him as I realized for some reason. He must have thought that I was simply confused as he kept on going.

"I know Marius told you what happened, so I don't understand why you still think that there is something going on between us! You should know me better than this, for gods sake... I have never liked her in that kind of way, okay? I was dating her since I was forced in the relationship. I am a terrible person who can't say no to such simple things and goes with the flow, but this time I didn't say yes to be her _boy_ friend, I said yes to only being her friend! Sadly you arrived at the fucking wrong time and she manipulated that into making it seem we were truly together again, but we are not and I am trying to get this under control, okay? I just don't know where to start when I am more worried about how you are mad at me or something when it isn't anywhere near like that, than how other people think I am in a relationship with Marie..."

I had never seen Kristian letting of so much steam before, rambling in frustration while seeming ready to tug off every strand of his fluffy hair. It was slightly... erotic. Aleks, focus, he is waiting for you to say something to. And please, refrain from thinking with your dick, you will either be a dick head or a slut so keep it together, my mind supplied as an after thought.

"I-I... I only thought that... since..." I stuttered, fucking flawless I know. My throat tightened, making the matter of speaking a lot harder.

"Yeah, you _thought_ , while Marius and Mathias actually fucking asked, wow you trust me so much do you? Would it hurt you that much to just man up and **talk** to me about this stuff?! You know that not speaking only make things worse, or you SHOULD know that, but I am not so sure that you do" Kristian huffed, completely taken over with anger and frustration now as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well SORRY THEN, but I was fucking **afraid** which seems you have no clue how it is to be all the fucking time, always so brave and daring to be who you want to be. Are you so  fucking stupid that you think I didn't ask for the sole reason that I don't trust you or some bullshit like that?! Here I have been almost on the verge to fall apart all together and you are concerned by the part where I wouldn't talk to you? It's not  _that_ simple, you moron!" I snarled back, venom in my voice. 

"I know you are afraid, You're **ALWAYS** afraid, but you shouldn't be afraid of me! Have I EVER done anything for you to be afraid to speak to me? And is it just that you are so blind by fear that you can't see any of us suffer as much?! I have been afraid just as much, maybe not by the same reason, but there is always this reminder that there is a line of how far we can go in public, how far _you_ are willing to go and that it may be over as well by tomorrow!" Kristian argued, both frustration and pain on his face.

"May I say something..." Marius began hesitantly, troubled by our fighting and how we kept jabbing at delicate issues.

" **NO.** " Both Kristian and I shouted at him simultaneously, Marius raising both his hand in defeat on instinct. I glared at Kristian and he glared right back, we were about to keep on at it, when Mathias, I believe he is an angel, stepped between us.

"Well I will, this does not make anything better you realize? A yelling match to see who can come up with most ways to hurt the other is not solving these issues, let's at least pretend we are mature enough to speak like civil people." He interfered, trying to smile at us. I did something I shouldn't have.

"Rich coming from you, weren't you the one not speaking  _civil_ to me barely two or three weeks ago?" I sniffed, tone icy cold and venomous as I was about to turn around and leave. Marius was in my way though, we were the same height, but he was more built then me so there were no reason for me to even try to go through him.

"Aleks, that was unnecessary, you didn't need to be a douche bag to Mathias too, he has nothing to do with this." Marius reasoned harshly, making my skin crawl at his tone. I did feel guilty, I knew I shouldn't have said the things I said, but I am a coward and running away is something I am good at. Probably the only thing.

"Move." I growled, not daring to look at him, knowing I would let me be defeated if I saw his sincere eyes that always made something turn inside me. Hell this is going so badly, can the ground swallow me whole soon. I could hear the small muttering of Mathias and Kristian behind me, Kristian hushed voice coming out with fury and Mathias' calming one.

"No, if you leave it'll be hell to get hold of you again, this is not how you are going to part after solving this matter, you hear me?" Marius said. I jolted as his hand, his very cold hand, caressed my cheek. It trailed down, a firm grip on my chin tilting my face so we stood face to face. My eyes met his, stormy grey blue ones that made my stomach sink and my heart give in.

I sighed and nodded slightly. I could feel myself pouting at this development, but I don't really care. I turned back to Kristian, who was a tiny bit more willing to talk then yell, and waited for him to say something. Mathias stood still, not daring to move away from the space between us, probably since we both could fly at the other the very second he does. I heaved a sigh, noticing that it came out simultaneous with Kristian's sigh.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it that far..." Kristian, the fucking saint, apologised first. He brought a hand through his hair, a troubled expression on his face. He really meant it, damn him.

"No, you sure as hell meant it, but I was not any better." I deadpan, not wanting to excuse my behaviour just yet. Plus I had not forgiven him either, so it was pointless for him to try to apologise before  things were settled. He flexed his jaw, surely gritting his teeth. I held his gaze, waiting for him to continue.

"Then I don't know what you want me to tell you" Kristian muttered. I watched him, I wanted to make up, be done with all this. I know that it is my insecurity that keeps me from doing so, I need to be sure. I just don't know when I am absolutely sure, so this was like shooting in the dark really.

"Why did Marie manipulate the situation?" I opted to ask, it's a simple question that have kept appearing after the talk with Marius. Kristian actually seemed surprised by the question, a frown settling on his face. Why do I even try.

"I think... she manipulates it since it kind of brings her attention. She also seems pretty jealous on you, so making you go through a hard time was probably the main part..." Kristian began, my stomach sinking, was he really trying to explain why she did it? It hit me that I didn't want that, so why had I asked? "Honestly I dunno, I don't care what goes through her fucked up mind, that's not what I have been thinking about for 2 days straight or have even mattered!" He finished with a huff, like I was a damn idiot or something.

It made a tiny smile grace my lips, I felt it and Kristian saw it. The next sigh was one in relief. It was what I needed to hear, that he didn't care about her, he cared about me. I am so fucking selfish and I _know that._ It still meant the world to hear it, that it was like that.

"You know... It wasn't that I didn't trust you, I was only afraid that it was true and I knew I couldn't handle that conformation... Ahh, I was so lost in thoughts that didn't do me anything good at all..." I admitted slowly, finally feeling the relief wash over me too. My eyes watered, stinging as the tears gathered in them. I quickly rubbed them away, I had cried enough in front of people.

Marius and Mathias left then, smiling reassuring at us. I could see that they were holding hands, but I knew they wouldn't do that in front of others, so I didn't mind and could only smile at their retreating back. Jeez, they actually did keep us from killing each other, or at least helping us to not screw up big time and make this even worse. I sniffled, tears still gathering in my eyes and I felt Kristian staring at me with wonder.

Suddenly Kristian was there, so close and I could finally allow myself to react as I wanted. So when he embraced me, even as awkward it was with the thick layers of winter clothes, I didn't even hesitate to return it. My hands clutched onto his jacket, hiding my face in his chest as tears of relief and joy made their treacherous way down my cheeks. I got what I wanted in the end. 

\--------

The bus ride back was so much better, they actually allowed us to mix with the other class this time, not that it mattered. The bus had five seats all the way in the back and we snagged it before anyone else got the chance, luckily there were enough seats so we got the back seat all by ourselves. I sat next to one of the windows again, Kristian by my side. Mathias sat on the complete other side of me, but I could hear him sulking over the fact that Marius stole the seat in the middle. 

"Well, you obviously need two seats for that big ass of yours, so I don't see why I would want to be squashed into the window!" Marius fired back, all smug and teasing. Oh, thank you, asshole, now he won't shut up at all.

"Meanie, I don't take that much space" Mathias pouted, crossing his arms. Sometimes he could be really childish. I rolled my eyes at their banter, Marius purposely egging Mathias on. "Kristian~, tell Marius that I don't take that much space" Mathias drawled, still pouting as Marius refused to move.

"Why should I lie to him?" Kristian joked, but he had such a poker face that none of us caught up on what he had said before he couldn't resist the goofy grin that split on his face. Marius burst out laughing, Mathias stammering about how he was so mean and I had to bit back my own chuckle. Kristian shone, so fucking proud at the reaction.

"Not you too~" Mathias protested, a betrayed look in his eyes as he sent Kristian a glare. "Aleks, you're on my side right?" He implored after a while, hopeful puppy eyes on me.

"Side? Well not really, I am on the opposite side of you and you are occupying two seats by yourself, but you don't take that much space.... you just steal all of ours" I declared, all stern and serious. What? It's true...

"Jeez, thanks for all the love guys" He announced, truly offended by us teaming up against him. It was too easy not too, you can't really blame us.

"Love? I think we have showed you more love than you deserve, and maybe you'll be lucky enough to get more of it... If you can stop whining and be quiet" I bit back teasingly, even going as far as to wink at him, letting the last bit come out completely serious. That did it, it made him shut up at last. A heavy blush on his cheeks hinted that he thought about the 'love' I mentioned.

"Oh, he'll get some, but I wont?" Marius interjected, leaning over Kristian to be closer and properly look at me, his voice soft and demanding. I huffed, trying to not blush at how his wonderful grey blue eyes were looking at me expectedly, demanding with a tinsy bit of lust, his pupils dilating.

"Oh god, how dare I even hint to something like that." I gasped mockingly, challenging him with my eyes. His gaze got darker, his brows furrowing. I chuckled a bit because of that and through my peripheral vision I looked if anyone were watching us.

I hastily plunged forward to peck the briefest kiss on his cheek, leaning backwards again before he got a chance to do anything.He touched his cheek incredulously, shocked to silence by my unexpected action. I just smirked satisfied at him in return.

"I thought you knew me better than that, seriously, you disappoint me Marius" I muttered slyly. He sat back, he to stunned by my attitude. I had to admit that it surprised me too, this sudden bravado of mine. It must be all the noises and the talk from earlier or something. I still cared if anyone heard or saw, I just felt safe for some reason that it wouldn't happen here.

My hand was suddenly linked with another, as it was on the way to Trysil, this time it was Kristian's hand and not Mathias' though. Hm, this public stuff may not be that bad after all. Not that I have changed my mind, but sometimes it's satisfying to do what I always want to and usually doesn't dared to. Marius and Mathias didn't stay quiet for long, already bantering about something else, this time more playfully.

I grabbed the pillow I had decided to bring with me, since hey it was a long trip, hitting them over the head with it. It did not work very well either. I groaned, was it too much to ask for at least a bit more peace and quiet. Kristian only sat there smiling at me, shrugging when I locked my eyes with his. I slumped back, tucking the pillow behind my head.

I sank deeper into my seat, putting my knees up to rest on the seat in front of me. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but the bantering of Mathias and Marius, the secure grip of Kristian's hand along with the slight bumping of the bus driving lulled me enough so I finally, finally got some decent sleep.

It felt like I had just closed my eyes for a second, everything turning off for the slightest of minute and complete blackness surrounding me. The next second I shot my eyes open at being brutally woken up by hitting my head against the window, the world was darker than before I dozed off. It was clear that I did fall asleep for a while, and I could slightly see the red neon lights showing a number all the way in the front of the bus. 18:15 it read.

Meaning we were soon to be back, what a relief. First then did I take note of the weight on me. A sleeping Kristian was resting his head on my shoulder, beside him Marius and Mathias had done the same. Marius had his head on Kristian's own shoulder, with a curled up Mathias in his lap who was lying much more comfortably then either one of us others as he had his feet perched on the last seat. In the end he actually did use all the space and more. If Marius notice he'll never let Mathias live it down.

I let them sleep, thinking back to the events that had happened today. I looked out of the window, watching the blur of street lights that we passed. Sitting with my thoughts again I admitted to myself I had been quiet the paranoid bastard lately, which Kristian didn't deserve. He had spoken truly earlier, I was afraid all the time, and I have problem seeing how others struggles too from time to time. Maybe I am so egoistic that I refuse to see?

I should have talked to him, not caring what the answer was as long as it was an answer. I would have gotten out of this mess earlier then, and wouldn't have had all these thoughts. Completely unnecessary thoughts, I should be glad that I have three... boyfriends? to keep me from bailing away from everything because of them. It's still strange to think about how we all are in kind of a relationship.

I don't know if we are, it's all a bit strange to be honest. Like I know I am together with Marius and Kristian, like that just sort of happened even if we never clearly talked about it, and now... I don't know what this connection with Mathias. I can't say it is similar, but at the same time it kind of is. It's like when I questioned my feelings between both Marius and Kristian all over again.

I use pretty much all my time in this relationship trying to figure out what kind of relationship it is! It is all so foreign and unfamiliar. If you had asked me two months back or something that I would have 2 maybe 3 boyfriends and I dunno, the fact that you have been friends with them all for almost 3 years and now you have these gay feelings, what even is this?

The worst is probably that I don't mind, while a few months back I would have refrained to even think about it. There is always the thing about my parents being big dick heads about stuff like this, but that fear I can live with. It's almost worth it, since I have the time I spend with them and they make me feel so special, that they care about me so deeply that they'll try everything to make things right again and always being considering and helping me with my fear.

Jeez, when did I become such a cheesy romantic. I could feel the goofy smile burn on my face, slightly hidden by my fist that I am leaning against while being all emo as I stare out of the window on the landscape that we are driving past. I began recognizing the landscape as we drove, nearing our school more for every passing minute. Some part of me didn't want this to end

The silent bliss of having the ones you love so much so close, and now with everything under control, no more problems or of ignoring each other, the thought of getting back where my parents, where there are more people we know are around at all times and losing the ability to actually be this close in my fear of getting rejected, not by _them_ , but by others. Having people I thought of as friends looking at me with rejection or disgust makes chills creep down my back.

Kristian stirred beside me, my eyes flitting to his face, watching as he slowly blinked his eyes open and straighten a bit up. Discomfort was practically written on his face. I was still leaning on my fist, head resting against the cold glass of the window when he met my eyes. A soft smile immediately fell on his face, like right on the second, and he squeezed his hand around mine which still were linked in an iron grip. I hadn't noticed that.

"Yo." I grinned, squeezing back.

"Hey." He answered softly, breaking the eye contact momentarily as he turned to look at Marius and Mathias. He looked back at me with a raised eyebrow and tilted his head towards the sleeping duo in question. I could only shrug. Kristian moved slightly, making Marius fall on top of Mathias. It made me shot him a strange look, why would he do that?

"What? My shoulder is numb and it was uncomfortable" He smirked, trying to sound all innocent. It didn't work with the smirk though and I knew it was just to wake them up, for whatever reason he had. Sure enough, Marius stirred and slowly sat up again, rubbing at his eyes. He looked at Mathias who were sprawled on his lap along with the other two seats beside them, a self-satisfied grin spreading on his face.

He turned to look at us for barely a second, a devilish glint in his eyes taunting the fact that he was right about Mathias after all and wanting us to be there to confirm for the unenviable moment. He brutally poked Mathias stomach, startling the poor guy awake. I swear, it was not a smile that sneaked it's way on my lips, nope not at all. Mathias suddenly noticed how he was occupying half of Marius lap with his head and jolted into a sitting position.

"Kristian, I think my memory is playing a trick with me, because I swear to god that I remember Mathias being overly defensive over something earlier, but I just don't seem to remember what it was all about~! Do  you by any chance remember something like that?" Marius drawled, playfully obvious poking Kristian with his elbow in a 'play along' gesture.

"Yes I do in fact vaguely remember something along those lines. If I am 100% certain, which I believe I am, he did defend himself against something you claimed" Kristian joined in without hesitating, his grin widening at Mathias flushed expression, gaping and trying to defend himself again, but his voice never carried the words out. He knew he was done for. I tried desperately not to burst into a fit of giggles, I must honestly say that I am not ashamed about saying that this amused the crap out of me.

"Something I claimed?! I wonder... May it be the one where... No it can't be, right? Mathias fought against that claim so hard, it can't possibly be the thing about him having such a _big ass_ that he acquired two whole seats by himself, can it?" Marius wondered out loud in mocking astonishment. Mathias mouth opened and clamped shut like mad, trying to find something, _anything at all_ , to defend himself again.

"When you remind me about that, I believe it was exactly the thing he denied so fiercely~" Kristian nodded thoughtfully, trying to hide his grin by putting his hand over his mouth in a thoughtful expression. Oh bacon, do they really have to torture him? Poor Mathias, he should have seen it coming.

"Hm.. I think I must have been hallucinating then... Since I am pretty sure I woke up to Mathias doing exactly what he had been so defensive about, actually I saw him take even more space than I claimed he would!" Marius exclaimed outrageous, "He had to use my lap as a pillow as well~"

Mathias blushed fiercely at that, pouting and biting on his lip so he would refrain to speak his mind about this. Even he understood that whatever he said would only be like pouring gas over a fire. Marius poked his cheek then, taunting lightly, all in good humour as his grin softened gradually at Mathias' pout.

"Oh shut it Marius, you know you loved it so stop teasing Mathias about it already" I interfered, keeping my voice soft and low so they just barely heard me, but of course they managed to catch it never the less and Marius was bold enough to wink at me then.

"Aleks~! He doesn't need to know that! Spoilsport." He sulked jokingly. Mathias glowed as he heard that, pout disappearing like he never had done so to begin with. Mathias pushed Marius with his elbow which quickly evolved into a minor, lazy wrestling match between the two that neither one was winning. 

"Kids" I exhaled, trying not to notice the smile that clearly stretched itself on my lips. I still had Kristian hand in mine, something I had completely forgotten about until I felt him clenching his hand around mine softly. Startled my eyes travelled to our joined hands and then up to that beautiful calm face with strong blue eyes. My first impulse was wanting to feel his lips on mine, to kiss him breathless and panting because of me.

I didn't however, the ever lasting knowledge of place and time in mind along with the fact that people around us are people I know. Kristian must have seen my conflicted and troubled facial expression and therefore leaned closer to whisper into my ear.

"Pretend I said something funny instead of doing this" And that was the only warning I got before a tender barely-there-kiss was placed right underneath my ear. I pushed him away from me, trying to make it seem playfully while chuckling softly. I am sure I flushed a deep red and seemed panicky when I pushed him, but it was such a sneaky little trick of him so I couldn't get mad at him for doing it.

Finally we got back, the familiar sight of the school a welcoming sight, and I could feel how exhausted I was even after the little nap I took when I tried to get my ass out of the bus. I had to use Kristian as support a bit on the way through the small and cramped bus aisle in tow with the others from our school. I even had to lean on him a bit when we got outside.

I took in a deep breath of fresh, cold air as we fucking finally got out of the small, cramped space inside the bus. I knew I should have been a bit careful with how I acted when we got back, I should have kept in mind that now we were out in the open yet again. I couldn't stop being close to the other three though, screw the people around us, the small comfort of having Kristian beside me, Marius and Mathias in front of me halting just to be in the way so I crashed into them was what I wanted.

It didn't have to be something deep, it could be just four friends screwing around, but we did it for the subtle affection we shoved each other. Subtle in a way that meant that we in some ways were ourselves with each other among others without it being too obvious, yeah it sounds a bit weird, but that's how I feel about it at least. Still we walked together closely and how Mathias now was hanging on me with an arm around my shoulders while talking excitedly about something.

I must have forgotten the little fact that our parents were going to pick us up, since the bus card we use to get home stops working after four, since I didn't mind the closeness at all. It could also be my sudden bravado today along with my bad memory, since I even braved myself to wrap my arm around Mathias waist as to not take his whole weight alone.

I was about to beg Mathias to shut up for a second and as I turned to face him I froze.Out of my peripheral vision, I saw something that made me cower with fear all together and my hand fell from Mathias waist. It was my father's car. Mathias, who was that close that he noticed my body tensing. He faced me with a slight worry on his face, for some reason wanting to make sure I was all right.

"Something wrong?" He questioned right away, his excitement vanishing from thin air and he sounded genuinely startled himself. His breath were tickling my neck and normally it would have sent a pleasant shiver down my back, but instead now it felt like hot blazing fire licking against my skin. I stepped away from him, which made him frown at me in confusion, just to put a safe distance between us.

"Yeah, uh.. no.. I mean No, not really. I think my dad is here though, so I should probably not keep him waiting any longer... Uhm... I'll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?" I hastily uttered out, grabbing my stuff and making a beeline for the car before even finishing my sentence. I knew they were staring after me, I knew they would have identical puzzled looks on their faces before a look of realization dawned on it instead. I knew it, and therefore I kept my eyes on the target in front of me so I wouldn't fell into the temptation of glancing behind me.

I could hear them yell confused "Goodbye's" and hesitant "see ya later's", but I ignored it, I tried to anyhow. I dumped my crap into the trunk of the car, taking a deep breath before getting into the front seat. I didn't want to, but he would question me if I sat down in the back seat. It was unheard of if no one else was in the car. My father was still sitting behind the steering wheel, stone faced and not showing any intentions of moving.

He did of course send me a calculating glance through his peripheral vision, looking me up and down in a search for something. Oh boy this is going to be a long and tiring trip home. Well, I knew that the moment I saw his car. I wish I had a superpower that consisted of only the power of muting people. My life would have been so much better if I didn't have to listen to everyone's bullshit all the time.

"You're really close to those other guys in your class" He started when we got on the road. Oh wow, you couldn't hint what you mean in a more subtly way could you? I sighed softly, how do you postpone such a talk? Maybe I should have a superpower where I could postpone everything I don't want to do. Ah then I would never stop procrastinating though...

"Well, considering I have to see them almost everyday, every week and have done so for almost 3 years. Why shouldn't we be close?" I retorted quietly, keeping my eyes on the shifting landscape outside the window. Landscape is so interesting, wow, it's not like I have seen this specific landscape a bazillion time. Ugh I hate talking.

"Tsk, what about Kristian, and what's the other two's name? Marius and Mathias?" He started, glaring at the road in front of us.

"What about them, is there something special about them?" I wondered, my voice a low mumbling at this point. My father did hear me, even if I didn't really want to lead him on. I would prefer an awkward talk about the weather.

"You tell me, you four were especially _affectionate_ towards each other from what I could see" He implored, drawling out ' _affectionate_ ' with a voice of disgust. A part of me wanted to say something along the lines of; Yeah, just because we are around each other a lot more than others the only possible explanation is that we are gay, doing such terrible things like kissing and having secret gay sex. Yeah that was exactly what he hinted towards, don't fucking fight me, I know my dad.

"What? I can't have best friends? You know those kind of people you wants to spend your time with a lot, exactly because you are that close." I muttered sarcastic. I tried to do so quietly without him noticing, but he had his ultra sound volume button on so the words did not, unfortunately, go past him and he heard every word. 

"Do not talk back at me!" He roared. He had no argument, he had seen what he had seen, already decided what it was. We hadn't kiss or even held hands in front of him, he already felt suspicious against my relationship with Kristian, Mathias and Marius. Why? Good question, probably because we stood to close and maybe how Mathias and I were hanging on each other. You know when being 'affectionate' towards someone, then it must equal as yeah we are fucking. Or something.

"I didn't, I just said that their friends and nothing more. I spend a bit of time with them at school and do stuff with them after school as well, but they're still only friends of mine" I defended on auto pilot, the words burning my tongue as they left my lips. I instantly regretted opening that big mouth of mine, not only because those words stung my heart. I glanced at my father.

His face darkened and his mouth snapped shut with tight lines around the corners. I waited for the inevitable, but it never came. I looked puzzled at him, without directly looking at him at all. Rest of the trip home was driven in silence, and when we finally after an eternity could see our house I felt a happiness that I've never felt before when seeing that building. My father parked the car and turned towards me. I swallowed heavily.

"I think you should spend less time with them and more with other friends then." I clenched my teeth to avoid running my mouth again. There were no use arguing so I nodded, hating myself for going along with what he said. Then he was out of the car. End of discussion. I could feel my throat tighten and eyes stinging. I knew why I went along with it, I let fear be my judgement again. I am so going to end up being stupid and fuck shit up again, aren't I...

We all need bacon in a time of crisis.

* * *

Kristian POV

Wednesday, the day the trip was had started off badly, escalated to somewhat even worse, had turned out to be one of the best days this school year started with all these conflicted feelings and confusing situations. Even Aleks had managed to relax a bit in the end and enjoyed the small amount of time we actually spent together without having a big ass fight. Everything was going great in happy-town. Or it was.

Now Aleks is once again, why am I so surprised really, he is ignoring us. All of us this time around. I think it can have something to do with his father, since he saw the car he's been acting strange. It's been five days. A new week. Fuck I hate Mondays. I am also getting more and more frustrated over being avoided all the time. Like I've not done anything worth being avoided for lately.

I cleared up with Marie and also everyone who means something for me if they know or not, that no. Me and Marie was not a thing, it had been over since she broke up weeks ago. This was all a misunderstanding and it began bothering me so therefore I'm clearing this up, okay, no questions please. Marie sulked, but finally, FINALLY, let it go when I explained that there was a time where I loved her in that way (What? That's obviously what she wanted to hear), but now I had those feelings for someone else. I couldn't change my feelings just because she wanted me to, hello that is was too stupid.

That made her see reason and admit that it really did sound pretty dumb. So that was obviously not a problem anymore, which makes me more frustrated with the current situation. Of course, I'm not the only one getting frustrated about this either. Even if it have made Marius and Marius get closer, or rather all three of us really since we spend very well everyday together. This is especially since Aleks does everything in his power to not have anything to do with us, that's what it seems like for us and I know I'm not the only one wanting to know what the fuck is going on with him.

"You look like a strange mix of both a hurt puppy who received a beating and a child on the beginning of a tantrum" Marius supplied suddenly, amused of this combination of a facial expression that he didn't know existed before now as he poked my cheek to get my attention. I huffed out a weak laugh and forced the slightest of smile on my face. It looked more like a grimace I'm sure. Judging by their unamused expressions at my attempt it probably did too. 

"You are thinking about Aleks again, aren't you." Mathias assumed, the look on his face showing he knew he was right. We hadn't yet really approached the subject, neither one wanting to acknowledge it, not really. A faint hope that tomorrow Aleks will  just stroll up to us, talk and joke with the endearing sarcasm he is so fond of using. After almost a week, it didn't really seem like that would happen in a blink of an eye. It was also the fact that Aleks didn't seem to want this either, but some determination kept him away.

"Whatever could it be that made you think that?" I sighed.

"The fact that we all are thinking the same, or maybe I'm just telepathic, who knows so take your guess" He replied so dryly it actually made me hesitate a moment. Where did that come from.

"When did you learn how to use sarcasm?" Marius teased, face flipping back to amusement. Mathias stuck his tongue out at that, and didn't take the bait. Not even he wanted to start a banter today. Yes, that is concerning, since they are experts on bantering over the slightest of teases. 

"Well, yeah obviously it is Aleks, and I kinda feel both frustrated and tired over the same old... Sometimes I think it would be better to end this whole thing and keep on staying friends if that is even possible, but also it is this little fact that I, we, have spent so much time making it work and gotten far to few enjoyable moments since there is always something that goes wrong or gets complicated... Still I don't want to give it up like that." I poured out my soul in the monologue, I sounded like the sap Aleks always tells me I am. 

"Mmm feel that, it would be a lie if I said my thoughts hadn't strayed the same path." Marius hummed quietly, resting his head on his arm. Mathias nodded soundlessly. A silence settled between the three of us, either one falling into deep thoughts. I wondered about it, if it really would be more preferable to end it. It had been a lot of drama, unnecessary drama to be completely honest. At the same time, those few moments where everything was okay, where I optimistically thought that everything could turn out just fine, those weren't something I wanted to never have again.

I also discovered how good it felt kissing some of my best friends. That made me fall into even deeper thoughts. It wasn't just good to kiss only Aleks or only Mathias, no it felt good kissing them both and I had kissed Marius a couple of times too which didn't feel bad either. This concludes that I don't love only one, I can't choose one I love the most. In many ways I wanted to know what it meant, what is this and is it normal? 

We didn't talk much after that at all, and the day continued it's uneventful course. Or that was until last period, I had gathered my books and sat at my seat, waiting for the class to start. I was still in this dazed far away world of mine, jumble of thoughts jumping forth and back in my head, some without any meaning at all. I was startled when some papers where pushed into my line of sight, and I wondered for a second if  class already had started. 

It had not, that much I found out by the sound of it. I looked up an stared straight into the eyes of Nate who sat in front of me. Her friends were nowhere to be seen. I was on the verge to ask if there was something she wanted, but she didn't let me open my mouth.

"Thought you could have use for that, I mean it's nothing big and kinda just explains some things, but I dunno. Maybe it'll help clear up some things" She said uncertainly, smiling slightly. Then she added with an afterthought before turning away to her friends that suddenly entered the classroom. "You should be grateful anyhow, I had to bargain with my stepfather to print out those papers."

"Uhm, thanks then... I guess." I read the title and saw a word I hadn't heard before. 'Polyamory', whatever that was. I scanned the papers, it wasn't that much about it really, most of it probably came from Wikipedia and told a lot about it's history along other stuff. But the description of what it was, that was what captured my attention. It sounded like the relationship I had with Aleks, Marius and Mathias. It hadn't started out like this, but along the way we had just all sort of fallen into it and just went along with it.

It's like she had known that I had felt uncertain about this, like wondering what 'this' even was and how the hell did she know about us anyway. Well she and her friends is a bit odd, and creepy sometimes. No, still not over the gore filled short story Nate wrote last year, like when you get five minutes to write about anything, why would you think of describing someone getting tortured? Out of all the possibilities.

I gathered Marius and Mathias, showing them the articles that was on the pages. Their eyes lit up with realization as I imagine mine did too when I read it the first time. They shared a glance, like they were silently agreeing up on something, before they both looked at me. 

"Do you think perhaps Aleks is avoiding us because he is unsure if this thing between is unusual or something, maybe it makes him feel uncomfortable and anxious about what others would think, I dunno, but could it be a possibility?" Marius asked trying to find a reason for Aleks sudden coldness against them.

"Yeah it could be... I do think it has to be a connection between that and something to do with his father though, remember he began keeping his distance after he was picked up by him that Wednesday. Like it can't be a coincidence can it?" I pondered out load. Marius nodded along, a frown now settling upon his face as he also pondered on that fact. 

"Shouldn't we confront him about this then? Maybe if we tell him he won't be ignoring us anymore and be relieved since he don't have anything to be over thinking about, that there isn't something to really be worried about." Mathias joined in excitedly. I didn't think that it was exactly that, it just didn't sound completely right, but the new found enthusiasm both Mathias and Marius now was radiating with quickly took a hold on me too.

"The problem is to get corner the bastard so we can actually lead a conversation with him, no way he will come to us as it is now... We can't exactly exclaim this in front of the whole class or even just the guys in our class. He wouldn't appreciate that in the slightest, probably punch us down or something and we'd lose him instead of getting him to talk to us again." I sighed, wrapping my arm around Mathias shoulder to lean upon him.

"That's true. I believe it'll be be easier after a P.E class to get him alone, so preferably tomorrow or Thursday, since he tends to use a long time getting out of the shower sometimes out of all the guys." Marius hummed.

"Hm, that's actually a very good point" I nodded thoughtfully. It was indeed a very good point. Mathias sat with the papers still scanning them as if he couldn't truly believe what they said. I could understand his disbelief, we hadn't really talked about the relationship we had developed and the thought of being something unusual or be dismissed as just 'having orgies' like in porn, yeah that thought have hit me, but this gives the little pinpoint that this is normal and having a label to have on all this is a bit relieving.

The more I think of it, the more I believe that Marius was right about that maybe Aleks was just unsure about all this, it just made sense right. He have shown that he is a bit uncomfortable being openly affectionate with us, one thing is that we are all guys and being gay (or bi) can be a scary thought if you worry what other thinks and when we are a couple between four, well for people not used to it, they probably will view it as strange and weird. We really need to clear up with him as quickly as possible.

\--------

Aleks managed to avoid us that Tuesday after P.E by clinging to others and making sure we never would catch him alone. Thursday however, we made a plan to finally would help us get him alone at last. He will probably hate us a little for it and I'll just say I have to steal something from him for a short while until we get him alone so yeah ultimately it is probably going to hit me the hardest.

The day seemed to progress in the speed of a snail, it felt like a whole week amount of time had went already before the dreaded P.E class in 4th period. When we finally had P.E it was about to start plan 'how-to-get-Aleks-alone'. I purposely changed in the same speed as the day had went by, snail speed. I spent time chatting and joking around instead of really dress, but no one seemed to notice luckily. 

"Kristian, get dressed already will you! Class is about to start soon, so you should probably hurry a little" Evan complained from where he stood by the door, everyone else already left.

"You can just go, I don't want to be the reason why you are late. I am only going to tie my laces and I'll be there any second now anyway" I reassured with a smile. As he left I quickly tied my shoes and spotted Alek's bag. His towel was laying underneath his clothes and was easy to find, grabbing it I stashed it into my own bag underneath my clothes and towel out of view. Now, I really hope this works or else this is going to be very embarrassing afterwards.

\-------

I had never showered so quickly after P.E, wanting to be quickly done so I could make sure no one saw the extra towel in my bag or something. Anxiously I saw through my peripheral vision as Aleks entered, laughing with some of the other guys and how he slowly stripped when he stood in front of his bag, not noticing that he was missing something.

"Where is my towel?" Aleks questioned, sounding really confused to see that he was missing it. He was standing in only his boxer now, and noticed that the bag was suspicious emptier than earlier. I feigned innocence at once, looking up with everyone else and shrugged carelessly.

"Sure you brought one with you?" Marius asked with the same innocence as me, he already knew where the towel were of course.

"Yeah. I am pretty sure too, since I checked before class started." Aleks affirmed irritated. He began looking behind and underneath the benches in search of his now lost towel while most of the guys began filing out of the locker-room. 

"Want help to find your towel?" Evan asked hesitantly. I jumped the gun before Aleks got to say anything.

"Oh I actually accidentally brought two towels so he can just borrow one of mine and I can probably help him keeping an eye out for his towel, so you should probably just go to class so you won't be late you know." I smiled relaxed, trying to ignore how Aleks face twisted into a dawning expression. As the last couple of guys left at that, Aleks folded his arms over his chest and glared at the remaining of us, which included Mathias and Marius too.

"Hand it back, dickhead." Aleks muttered harshly. I smiled sheepishly and grabbed his towel out of my bag. I held it up in the air so he could see it, but made no move to give it back to him just yet.

"Yeah you'll get it back, if you promise to talk to us afterwards, damn you don't honestly think we did this out of the blue?" I hissed angry at him. He kept glaring, but with a sigh and nod he clearly agreed to our terms and I threw the towel at him. His face twisted for a moment, a range of emotions flying over his face as he most likely thought if he actually should take that shower now or, clearly because of our presence.

He must have thought fuck it in the end as he stripped down and went into the shower. We kept our eyes to ourselves, at least I tried to, knowing he would probably kill us if he saw us staring at him taking a shower after we so rudely stole his towel. When he was back and dressed, we were looking at him expectingly. 

"We just want to know why you've been avoiding us. This time." Marius began, trying to hide the hurt undertone. Aleks flinched at that, the tone not going unnoticed, biting his lip in thought.

"Oh and we figured that maybe it could be about our relationship and that you may be worried about how it's a relationship between 4 which makes you freak out or whatever, we actually discovered something!" Mathias jumped in excitedly. He have a tendency to do that. He tugged on my sleeve and I took it as a hint to hand over the papers Nate had given to me on Monday.

"Yeah! As you can read it's something called Polygamous and to say it as simple as possible it is basically the opposite of Monogamy and yeah kinda what we have which is totally normal, so really no reason for you to avoid us because of that..." I continued where Mathias left off. Aleks scanned the papers real quick, not even seeming to get the words at all, before looking up again with the most unamused expression to ever exist.

"What. the. hell. made you come to the conclusion this was it? Yeah I did avoid you, again good observation by the way,  and sure I've wondered about the nature about our relationship, great news that we're all seemingly together now what have I missed, but no that is not why I avoided you." Aleks informed, sarcasm dripping from his cold tone.

"Then why?" Marius asked insistently, grabbing hold of Aleks' hand for him to look at him. I stepped closer as well, moving on autopilot. 

"I just... heh you know, I'm scared as always, all the time. Of what others will think, how they will react and what will happen to us, mostly I am afraid to just admit." Aleks confessed softly, finding the floor a thousand times more interesting than any of our faces.

"Admit what? That we're your boyfriends? Are you ashamed of being gay as well as having us as your boyfriends? Is that it." I pressed, anger seething over fear that it was exactly like that and stupid words falling from my lips again. Am I going to make another fight between us.

"Both yes and hell no. I am scared that I have to admit this to my parents... They aren't the most... They are very.. Homophobic and well ever since I figured that I do have feelings for guys it's a fear I have been living with. That they'll find out about that and now this relationship which will only lead me to ultimately admit it. Just it scares me that some day I will not have any other choice but admit. I've been avoiding you since my dad is already suspicious of 'how close we are'. That only after the slight affection who was more joking around we did last Wednesday." Aleks explained, falling into the bench in between them.

"Oh..." came the simultaneously from the three of us. 

"Yeah oh." Aleks bit back frustrated, showing a hand through his still wet hair.

"We shouldn't have jumped to conclusion, I know, but why didn't you just tell us? We could have talked about it, made a fucking deal to keep it low and be more careful about how we act around each other when your parents may be around, those kinds of things instead of is halfway freaking out ("halfway?" Mathias snorted) because we didn't know squat" I retorted defensively.

"I kinda wanted you to realize you didn't really wanted me, that you were too good for me, I dunno." Aleks mumbled trying to keep his eyes from meeting any of ours.

"Don't want you?" Marius repeated in disbelief, shaking his head at the idiocy of the whole sentence Aleks had just uttered out. I shook my head along with him.

"How the fuck would we not want you? Do you know how much we've gone through to make this happen, oh that's right you do, since you went through it together with us, and you've been avoiding us... two times now? This relationship is not perfect, but hell we really want you in it and just.. Not want you?? That is stupid, what about the time we..."

"What? When we did what??" Mathias exclaimed, getting lost in the conversation.

"Marius, you remember right, when we..."

"Oh, yeah, that time, I remember, but Mathias weren't there though, you know..."

"Now I feel excluded, why didn't anyone invite me into that" Mathias whined with a pout.

"You were busy, you had other things to attend to that time, it's not like we chose that specifically just because you weren't there... we were yeah and it sorta just happened" Marius explained hastily.

"Well that doesn't matter right now though-" I began, trying to continue from where I had been interrupted when suddenly a soft "pfft" and badly contained laughter escaped from Aleks, he was hunching over and holding his stomach while soft laughter erupted from him and if that wasn't the most adorable moment ever I don't know what is.

"What?" We all three questioned at the same time, equally amused by the sudden laughing fit.

"No, I just realized how much of a dork you all three are and that I really missed that... Ah I know it's just been a week, but... Oof" Aleks began, but we didn't let him finish before we all tackled him in a group hug. It made him laugh again and this time we joined him. It took a minute or two before we regained the ability to breath again without gulping for it in between our laughter.

"I think we'll be late for class." Mathias beamed, showing how gladly he would like to skip German class. I weren't that excited to go to have a whole hour of German either, the teacher was a real pain in the ass and didn't teach us shit to be completely honest.

"Nah, then there would have been people here because of P.E class, so I think we have a few minutes left." Marius concluded logically. Aleks hummed to that, not seeming bothered with the tangled mess we all four made on the floor. That lasted only ten seconds more until he shoved me and Mathias off him and raised from the floor.

"Aleks?" I hesitantly let out, wanting to confirm one last thing before we had to run for class.

"Yeah, Kristian?" He didn't face me, to busy shoving his stuff into his bag in a haste, not wanting to be late for his Spanish class and both Mathias and Marius was retrieving their bags too now. I bit my lip in a moment of thought then let out a breath. Better to get it out than worry.

"Everything is alright between us now right, you won't avoid us anymore? At least not at school and stuff where your parents can't keep an eye on you?" I asked, getting to my feet and wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, anxiously waiting for the reply. 

"Yeah, of course they are, I was just stupid before you know. Doubting and doing things because of fear, or in this case trying to stay away from everything that means something to me only to please someone who basically indirectly hate me for who I am." Aleks confirmed then added,  lowering his voice so no one could accidentally hear what he said if they entered the locker room.

"Oh, by the way, my parents are leaving for the weekend next week, sadly a whole week away and I am craving some private alone time with you after all this worrying these past two weeks or so. It feels like an eternity since I got to kiss any of you."

"When did you get so sentimental~" Marius teased, earning a crude poke to his stomach.

"Oh fuck off, I know you can't wait for next week to come now." Aleks gave him a shit eating grin and then kissed my cheek only so I wouldn't be that disappointed when he slipped out of my hold on him. It worked. At last things were hopefully alright, it felt like it at least and I could safely say that I didn't mind being careful and not so open about the relationship as long as I had them all. Greedy, I know I am, also a romantic sap. Don't tell the other three. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just to make it clear, I am not an expert on Polyamory, I just know vaguely what it is and checked a bit upon it as one of my friends said that it probably would be the only way to make this pairing work so I did some research (not much tbh) and had to agree. So I've just tried to make this as best as I can and please excuse me if I have done something wrong /.\  
> On another note, now that everything is settled at last I have planned that the next chapter is going to be ONLY filled with fluff along with other stuff, like a chapter dedicated to their relationship where they are dorks in love and all that, we'll see how that turns out, at the very least there is NOT going to be more drama in that one, I just want one chapter filled with fan service for my own soul x3 Basically where I can write any kind of situations that involves kissing, cuddles and omg I have looked forwards for it for so long, so yeah.. Still I think I'll take a break, and write only when I have inspiration and time so we'll see when I'll update next... So yeah it could end up with me giving up on this since I don't feel like it is any use writing on it anymore, but we'll see...


	10. Dorks being dorks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Collection of fluff scenarios with our stupid dorks, that's it, that's what this chapter is all about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so just to be clear, this chapter start the weekend they have a sleep over at Aleks' since he is home alone and well there will be a lot of drabbles only from various days/weeks and nothing have that kind of relations to each other I think...  
> Also the start is strange since I listened to music and started it with the first line of a B.A.P song x3 If the time skips is strange in this one I apologize....  
> Also rushed ending but staying up until 6 Am makes me rush

**Aleksander's POV**

"Turn the lights off" I demanded, crawling into bed without looking at the others in the room. Two other bodies, who instantly huddled close, soon accompanied me. Why had I invited them to sleep over again? Oh that's right, finally ending all the stupid drama and me being needy has a big factor for that invitation to not be thoroughly considered on my part. Well, it's not often my parents leaves me home alone and my brother is at a friend's house. The whole house for myself, why wouldn't I want my boyfriends to come over?

The light turned off and the room plunged into darkness. Shuffling sound was heard as someone made their way to the only bed in the room. It was a tight fit with no personal space, with four people in a bed for two at most that wasn't that strange. Well, I've heard girls manages to fit when they have even smaller amount of space so I don't think I should complain. Then again, girls are weird. I regretted my hastily retreat to the bed, as I now was squished in the middle.

"You sure we all have enough space in just one bed?" a hushed whisper was heard, it sounded like it came from the other side of the bed from me and resembled Marius voice. It was a tight fit, sure, but at the same time. Now we had a really good excuse to cuddle up against each other, and to be honest, we did the exact same thing last time we had a sleep over when we were too tired to even get in bed and just collapsed on a single mattress, so it wasn't even the first time. 

"Yeah, we have space at least, I'm not complaining since now we can cuddle all night" Kristian hummed from behind me, already laying as close as possible to my back with his arms around me and placing soft butterfly kisses to my shoulders and neck. Mathias made a pleasant sound in the back of his throat in agreement. I couldn't see his face in the darkness, but felt how close he was when his breath ghosted over my face. I could also imagine how close Marius was huddled to Mathias.

Mathias grabbed my hand suddenly, the other coming up to feel my face, probably to figure out how far away I was. The hand caressed my cheek softly and felt it's way to my lips, brushing it's thumb over them. Mathias grabbed a hold of my chin and then his lips were on mine, and I purred happily into the kiss. Kristian had turned from butterfly kisses over to soft nipping. All the attention left me breathless and panting between them.

I could feel a hand brush up against my stomach and that concluded Marius was into this too, probably tormenting Mathias in a similar way that Kristian was doing to me if Mathias hitched breath was something to judge off. Oh god, this is not going to end well if it continues like this. Kristian released his hold on me only to caress every patch of skin he could find. My chest, stomach, hips, legs and up again, all very slowly and barely there touches, making me quiver under his control.

Damn, I am not a virgin, or well, but anyway they all three made me squirm under the faintest off touches and shows of affection away from prying eyes.

"Come on... We should sleep... We're not doing this under my parents roof, not even if they are away" I tried to reason, in between the panting and desperate kisses I shared with Mathias, building up to be more and more heating for each kiss. Mathias moved his hips against mine, obviously rubbing against Marius as well by the groan that was heard from behind him. Kristian was all over my neck, his hands still travelling along my body and it was all so overwhelming.

"Guuuys~. I am being serious..." I started again, not even trying to end it anymore despite my words. Kristian moved his leg between mine, forcing me to spread them to make room for him. I was starting to get painfully hard. Kristian's exploring hand finally brushed over my dick, making me trying to bite back a moan, which proved hard when a mouth was already on mine from before and I ended up biting into Mathias' lower lip as my moan drowned into his mouth.

Kristian nuzzled against my neck, his hand brushing over my dick again and I swear he is purposely teasing me by denying me a simple touch, since Mathias was still holding one of my hands while the other was trapped somewhere underneath me, or was it underneath Mathias. I dunno anymore. I don't really care. A roll of Mathias hips however against mine, his dick being pushed against mine. I could swear that there were stars that appeared behind my eyelids. Kristian finally slipped his hand into my boxer, hand enveloping around my aching boner.

I let out a pleased groan and my hips thrust forward into his palm, colliding with Mathias. Mathias pulled away from the kiss only to let out a deep moan and placing kisses all over my face. Kristian started to work a painfully slow pace, also rolling his hips against me. Mathias was also beginning to form a pace of thrusting his hips into mine, occasionally his dick would press against my own. His lips found mine again, not hesitating to deepen the kiss as he thrust his tongue down my throat.

I let him have the control and purred against his mouth as our tongues met in a fiery kiss. Marius then decided to give me some attention too, his hand travelling up my chest. His hand brushed over one of my nipples, repeating the movement until it was as hard and stiff under his touch as my dick was under Kristian's and the small friction was enough to push me over the brim and I hit my climax, Mathias mouth on mine and Kristian's on my neck, nipping and biting while he still was teasingly caressing me, soft touches up my thighs and a hand on my dick.

I shuddered and was completely dazed for a top two minutes before realizing how embarrassing quickly I had climaxed. I felt Kristian smirking into my shoulder blade and the fact remains that I shouldn't have done this, not here, not even when my parents aren't at home. It was just plain _wrong._ I bolted out of the bed and locked myself in the bathroom, not caring how I probably ruined the whole moment for the others.

I had a minor, no fuck it, a big panic attack. Trying to not be completely terrorized by my actions, I ran through everything in my head. First of it had felt _good,_ really good too, obviously since it made me come as quickly as I did which is terrifying in itself. However, I had enjoyed it, so I shouldn't be panicking over it. I really shouldn't. What is the others going to think now?

Still, we'd done something inappropriate in my _parents’ house_. Yes, it's theirs, not mine, not ours, I just feel like this place is less and less my home as it is theirs. So we had just been doing it in my, homophobic, parents house and I feel like I’ve dirtied it somehow, and it’ll never be completely clean here again. They wouldn’t know though, it's not like they'll come home and be like sniffing the air before exclaiming something like 'There's a disgusting smell of GAY in our house!', okay that's stupid, but the point is I _shouldn’t_ be panicking!

I cleaned up hastily, trying to stop thinking so I could halt this stupid panick, since no, there is no reason to be doing so. Just stop it Aleks. A soft knocking on the door however caught my attention and for an instant I was terrified, a thought along "they can't be home already, did they sense what was going on and just came back??" went through my head before I shook my head of how ridiculous I was. I unlocked the door and opened it to find three very worried boyfriends.

"Aleks, are you okay? Did we go too far?" Marius asked without hesitating, already reaching out for me and I let him hold me, denying him an answer. It was too embarrassing. He wouldn't let it go though, repeating his questions again and again, seeming afraid that they'd done something I hadn't liked. That wasn't it, I had loved it and that is a part of the problem, but how can they understand? When even I don't truly do.

"You're not embarrassed about coming so quickly are you?" Mathias popped the question I hoped no one would bring up, thank god for Mathias, what _would_ I do without you asking the obvious. I felt myself blush, and I hid my face into Marius' shoulder, no fucking way I am admitting that out loud. The knowledge itself is too humiliating to handle. Marius tried to contain a chuckle, I could feel it from how his body shook, which is why he without doubt earned a lovingly punch to the stomach. Yeah, so lovingly, all my love right there.

"There isn't anything to be embarrassed about, Mathias came too right after, which you probably didn't notice since you bolted so quickly~" Kristian added, trying to be comforting while teasing Mathias, who now also were blushing. Kristian kissed his cheek at that, before looking at me again. Well okay that would have helped if that was the only reason, or even the sole reason for me freaking out.

Which it weren't, and they quickly noticed that when I didn't said anything and buried my head deeper into Marius' shoulder. The other two was quickly there too, hugging me from all sides. Group hugs, a great way if you want to suffocate the one in the middle.

"Hey~, what's wrong?" Marius questioned softly, whispering it into my ear. I shook my head at that, I didn't want to approach it, not now. I wanted to go to bed and hopefully forget the whole thing until I was ready to talk about it. They luckily caught on, and fulfilled my wish by letting it go (for now at least) and simply dragged me with them back to bed where they coddled me. They pushed me onto the bed and joined me a moment later. They tucked me in and we were in the same positions we were in before, only now they all made sure to not do anything else than cuddling.

Kristian was cradling me to his chest, while Mathias was loosely holding a hand on my hip and as Mathias was using Marius arm as a pillow, Marius then had the opportunity to run his hand through my hair. All this coddling and cuddling made me calm and the aftermath tiredness from my panic attack was taking it's hold on me. The next moment I was asleep, with a feeling of being secure and loved.

* * *

**Kristian's POV**

It was that time of the month again, the inevitable. It wasn't dreaded, no that was not it, it was actually just a good thing, a break from the subject in itself. I should probably explain, it was time to make a trip to the library again. Our school was obsessed with us reading for some reason, even if we never did read the books we loaned in class, but well every month our teacher made an appointment for us to go to the library where we spent the whole period we had her subject going there, pick a book and go back.

The walk was barely 15 minutes long and no one, besides maybe Nate and her friends, spent more then 5 minutes picking a book. So in many ways this was a free class, only we spent it in the library instead of at school. Pretty chill actually, and I have no complaints about this arrangement. Also it was easier to be more myself with Aleks, Mathias and Marius. I didn't really care about being overly subtle when it was just our class, they all probably knew somewhat already anyway, even if they didn't say anything about it. 

Only thing I really hated about the library was how small the whole local was, it was impossible to do something properly affectionate to either three of them without anyone noticing. That was what was running through my mind when we entered the library. God I am needy, but could you blame me for wanting to be affectionate towards my boyfriends all the time? It was normal human behaviour to wanting that.

"Kristian, do you got some money~?" Mathias drawled, latching onto me suddenly. Oh yeah that's right, the hot cocoa here was super cheap and it was kinda a routine to buy some just because we could. I fished up some coins and handed him them, smiling as he beamed like a freaking sun at me before running off to buy hot cocoa. Aleks just shook his head at Mathias with an amused smile before going to buy some for himself as well.

I went over to find a book, wanting to finish the business we were here for as quickly as possible, I admit it, I am not very interesting in reading at all, mostly because between school, (boy)friends and football I didn't really find the time to do so. When I found a book that didn't seem too uninteresting I went to sit in the single green beanbag that was in the library where I was quickly joined by both Aleks and Mathias, the latter with two steaming cups of hot cocoa.

"Here, you gave me so much I guessed you wanted a cup too" He elaborated as he shoved one of the cups towards me along with the rest of the money I had given him, I hadn't cared to count so I gave him far too much. Marius soon joined us as well in the bean bag, he too with a cup with hot cocoa. Mathias quickly began a banter with him, not that I managed to gather what it was about since I was still silently cursing how small this place were and how I couldn't really do anything.

Therefore, I was startled when Aleks was leaning against me, his shoulder against my shoulder and hip against hip. Very casual, but I hadn't expected it or even thought about that it was a possibility, so I froze for a second in shock before melting into his side. I sipped my hot cocoa and fondly watched the other two bantering. Marius punched Mathias in the shoulder at one point, resulting on him spilling all the hot cocoa.

It of course landed on my leg, or to be more specific in my lap on my damn thigh and Holy fucking shit did that hurt. A half cup of hot cocoa shouldn't burn that much. I bit down the scream that had almost made it out of my mouth and simply whimpered at the scaling hot liquid that hit my leg. 

"Oh god! I am so sorry, it was Marius fault, are you okay??" Mathias rambled, reacting at once by jumping to his feet and standing there without a clue what to do. I just nodded, biting my lip, damn it hurt. I couldn't really think straight as the  hot liquid trickled down my leg and making it numb with pain. Aleks was the second to react, also getting to his feet and grabbing a hold on my elbow. Marius instantly understood what he thought and helped him getting me on my feet.

I kinda ran, kinda limped to the toilet, Marius and Aleks steering me the whole way. When we got inside, I was quick to rip off my pants until they were pooling at my ankles. My thigh was an angry read after the hot treatment. Aleks applied a cold wet paper to the area and the sound that left me almost sounded like a moan in pleasure at the pleasantly cold feeling. I could feel how they now were staring at me, and the gazes I met when I looked up was filled with both amusement and a sudden desire.

I didn't have the time to say or do anything about those beautiful stares that was on me. The wet paper changed from being a pleasant coldness to making my skin feel like it was boiling and I tried to push Aleks, who still was holding it, away from me. He slipped a bit at my sudden movement, the paper falling to the ground, but my 'victory' didn't last long.

Mathias and Marius swiftly grabbed a hold of both my arms, pinning them on each side of my head. I struggled against it, trying to use my legs to get free. Aleks quickly grabbed a hold on them, spreading them so he could apply the wet paper towel again.

"Stop being a baby, you need to apply cold water to the area!" Aleks hissed from where he, oh how didn't I notice, was kneeling between my legs. I whimpered when he pressed a new piece of cold wet paper on the area that still felt like it had scorching hot liquid on it.

"Shh, it's going to be fine, just don't think about it and you won't notice anything." Marius was so close, whispering in my ear soothingly. Mathias kissed my shoulder softly, still pinning my left hand to the wall. Oh god, not only are they torturing me by putting ice cold substance to my thigh, they also just had to do this in the most sexual frustrating way as well, can this get any worse?

There have to be someone who've decided that they hate me so much they have to answer my rhetorical questions. The door suddenly opened, someone just had to forget to lock it, and the poor person to walk in on the easiest misunderstanding scene ever was out of the whole class, Aidan. He halted in shock in the door, clearly trying to get an understanding of the scene. We all froze as well.

"Uh.. I'll leave you to... whatever this is..." Aidan let out hesitantly, chuckling and smiling awkwardly before slowly backing out of the room with an unreadable look on his face, like he couldn't really believe what he just witnessed.

"Nonono, wait a second, it's not..." The door was closed before Aleks got out the whole sentence and the last part came out in a defeated muttering "like it looks like..." as he slouched against my leg.

"Well. Do you think he will keep _this_ to himself?" I chuckled awkwardly to break the silence that had taken a hold of the toilet stall. Aleks glared up at me at that.

"It is Aidan we are talking about, he doesn't necessarily go around spreading things, and he will probably just wish he could forget the whole incident instead of wanting to share it with others" Marius defended his best friend, not a single hint of insecurity behind the confident voice of his as he reassured us. Aleks shook his head at that, I could feel it since his head was still against my leg, but he chose to not say anything on what Marius had uttered.

After that I had to just bite my teeth together as Aleks quickly applied more wet paper to my thigh, finishing up quickly so no one else walked in on us. Fuck it all, why did the world have to punish me so much. Mathias and Marius tried to soothe me through it, giving me small butterfly kisses all over my neck and shoulder, constantly muttering apologises for spilling the hot cocoa.

When Aleks finally stopped torturing my thigh, that still felt as if burning, he dragged my pants up and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before saying we had to get back if we wanted to reach school before lunch. I did get some affection today after all, just not in the way I had imagined.

* * *

 

  **Aleksander's POV**

I have no idea why I am here. I have no idea how they managed to persuade me to come. I have no idea why I am actually enjoying myself right now either. Okay, okay I have some ideas for why, but I don't know if I should actually acknowledge that I was easily persuaded since it's _them,_ how the fuck was I supposed to say no in the first place. Or that I just love watching my boyfriends, even if by watching them now means being a spectator for one of their football matches. While enjoying myself, fricking bacon I am so in love, it's gross.

Well, it was easy to enjoy myself when I was sitting on the teams bench and constantly having one of them by my side, though they could get a bit too excited over the match sometimes. Which is understandable. I would lie if I said I didn't get excited too. Especially when Kristian was _SO_ close to scoring as well. Or when Marius passed the ball just perfectly in front of the goal, which the other on the team failed to get into the net. Or when Mathias managed to tackle a dude so they couldn't get the chance to try scoring.

So, yeah I have a couple of ideas why. Only they will never get me to say those ideas out loud. I would rather die of embarrassment before doing that.

Both way too early and way too slow was the match finally over, it was kinda cold staying on the sideline all the time even if we were nearing spring times. But Heeeey they won, and the victory could be felt throughout the whole stadium, however small it was. The whole team was yelling in enthusiasm over their win and everyone was hugging, giving each other high fives or actually jumping on each other.

It was really amusing to watch, but however amusing it was, there were school tomorrow, I was cold and I wanted to be in my bed ten minutes ago, but what don't I do for those other three who currently were standing in a huddled circle as their coach was giving the whole team an encouraging pep talk or something.

Deeming that they would catch up, as Mathias was currently my private taxi, I started to walk towards the parking lot. I didn't get that far, running steps and a sudden weight on my back forcing me to halt if a face plant was to be avoided.

"We won! Did you see Aleks, Kristian actually scored the last goal!!" Mathias was hooting loudly, choking me with his hold around my neck as he was the one who so carelessly almost had tripped me as if my biggest wish in this world is to hit my face on the asphalt. 

"Yeah, yeeah I saw... Can you get OFF, you're choking me" I grunted, struggling to gulp down some much needed air. Mathias plopped to the ground easily, and I gratefully took in the air my lungs craved to live. I gave him a half-hearted glare which made him smile sheepishly. I shook my head and began walking again, but Kristian and Marius was quick to hang onto me.

"Comee on, don't be such a killjoy~!" Marius whined playfully, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and resting his head on top off it. I tried to push him off with a huff, but when Kristian joined in as well it proved a lot harder. Fucking koalas. Both of them.

"Naaw, can't you be a bit happier on our behalf, please~! We deserve that much" Kristian sulked, his face betraying him as he was obviously grinning devilishly. Devilishly handsome. Oh bacon, no this is not going to end well. This is what made me come here in the first place, thoughts like that. I am screwed, I don't even need them to say another word, I know I am screwed already.

"I think we deserve something to celebrate our win~! Like... a kiss" Mathias whispered the last part seductively, actually taking care that no one beside the four of us heard what the fuck he muttered about. Oh no. I am regretting coming here more and more for each passing second, why couldn't I have stuck to my date with my bed, I am sure that would have ended better.

"No." I answered at last, finally shrugging a hopeful Marius and a puppy faced Kristian off. They all began pouting, three pair of eyes, stark blue, stormy grey blue and electrifying light blue staring into the pits of my probably very dark soul. Oh. Fuck. It. I want to get home, I can hear my bed screaming in the distant, but with this development, I had no other choice if I wanted this to get over quick than to do what they asked.

"Argh, okay fine, just not here obviously." I sighed, a tired smile playing on my lips. It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss them, I always wanted to kiss them, but with exams coming up and shit going down I had been a lot more tired lately, excuse me for wanting to be with my fifth love after those idiots and bacon, never forget bacon, bacon is still holy.

I was quickly dragged to the locker rooms by the grass patch, slipping inside and finding the whole floor empty, at least we couldn't hear any sign of life. Marius was the first to claim his celebration kiss, pushing me roughly yet carefully against the wall, his arms coming to rest behind my neck and pulling my face close to his. His lips met mine and he gained control. The kiss however was over not long after it began, Marius ending what started roughly with a soft touch of lips.

Still dazed, Marius moved to let Mathias close. Hands slipping around my waist he pulled me close and slowly initiated the kiss by letting his lips hover over mine for teasing seconds before they connected and I melted against him. He removed a hand from my waist to pull on my hair, not giving me any chance than to go with it as he got easy access to slip his tongue in and take control. Psh control freaks. 

Kristian tugged impatiently on Mathias' sleeve, wrapping his arms around him in a back hug and leaning his head on his shoulder. Apparently am I the big price of the day, a toy being pulled between brats. I should definitely quit thinking so negatively about stuff like this, it wasn't really a bad thing and they cared a lot about me, also if they were in the relationship only for the kisses/sex... Then they have gone through a lot of trouble for doing so. 

When Mathias finally let me go, as a panting mess now, Kristian didn't hesitate to swoop me up in his arms. I feel like the damsel now, fuck them. I yelped in surprise when he actually fucking twirled so he had me into leaning back so I had to cling onto him. He leaned down and his lips were on mine, everything done so passionately I couldn't stop to think how fucking cliché out of a chick-flick that actually was.

"Kristian, the real romantic sap out of the four of us" Marius whistled with a tease when I was back on my legs and Kristian was smiling like a proud bastard, not caring about Marius teasing a bit. Most likely because we all knew it was true, it wasn't just teasing, it was the truth and for some reason Kristian was really fucking proud of being the romantic sap.

"I can't believe I let you do that, you're all terrible." I grumbled, but with a light tone so they knew I was kidding. Or not. That was the original intention okay, lay off.

"What? were we terrible?" Mathias fretted. I just shook my head, sighing and leaving him behind as I walked off to the parking lot again, this time the others following with a slightly panicking Mathias who shrieked 'terrible?' questionably every other second.

Just you wait bed, I'll be there soon, love.

* * *

**Kristian's POV**

"Are you sure that we should do this? I mean..." Aleks began protesting, we'd just finished school for the day and had barely left the school grounds when he began with his insecurities. Marius has been sick for a few days, which made me and Mathias think that this is a perfect opportunity to play the perfect boyfriends, we'd of course come with the homework excuse so no one would be overly suspicious.

"Come on, Aleks, poor Marius has been complaining about being sick so much that it would be awful of us to not visit him now!" Mathias reasoned with a grin, beaming in excitement. Marius had no idea that we were coming at all, we'd decided to do so when he came with yet another complaint of being sick and stuck at home in the chat between the four of us.

"Plus I am pretty sure this is our last chance, he did say he was starting to get better and hoped to be able to come to school tomorrow. We can't back out now, we have to, it's like an unwritten clichè rule!" I supplied, not resisting the cheeky smirk that slipped easily on my face. He didn't seem amused, but didn't try any further protests, he did however fish up his phone and send a text. Most likely a lie to his parents. What he'll do for love aww.

When we arrived there was a slight hesitating moment before Mathias knocked on the door. Marius' mother was actually the one opening the door, surprise evident on her face as she saw us. Yeah, okay, maybe we should have asked before just showing up on his door step. No return now though. 

"Hey, we uhm wanted to pay Marius a sick visit and drop off some homework for him" I stated before she got the chance to ask, flashing her a big smile I hoped were flattering. Aleks sighed behind me, but didn't add anything to what I had said. Marius' mother stopped looking surprised, and instead smiled with interest at us.

"Couldn't wait for tomorrow?" Was the only thing she said before moving aside, letting us trample into the hallway.

"I tried to get them to drop the idea, but here we are, sorry for intruding all of a sudden and we promise to not bother him to much." Aleks chatted politely as we discarded of our shoes and jackets. I stuck my tongue out at him, making sure to not be seen by the mother of our boyfriend. Which is stupid, since she, among with all our parents, have known us since before this whole ordeal. For almost 3 years to be exact.

"Oh, it's fine, no need to apologize, I think Marius will be delighted to have some company. He is in his room; don't let me keep you here with me any longer." She smiled reassuringly. In a chorus of 'thank you' we quickly ascended the stairs. We should probably have kept in mind that barging up stairs are in no way helpful when you have in mind of surprising someone. It kinda ruin the whole point.

Marius was nestled in bed, looking comfortable as fuck with both the duvet and a blanket around him. He looked momentarily shocked, his phone slipping from his hand. Mathias and I shared a glance before pouncing onto the bed, but before we joined the soft, comfortable looking Marius on his bed there were a push, or more like a fly kick and the next moment we crashed to the floor instead.

I luckily landed on Mathias, and winced when looking upon at him. He had hit his head when colliding with the floor and was groaning in pain, but stopped  when he saw the position we had landed in. This for some reason happened all the time. Where a what would have been a former scarlet blush was now a suggestive smirk and the next moment our lips met in a searing kiss, Mathias throwing one of his leg over mine. 

"I thought this was supposed to be a sick visit for Marius." Aleks dead panned from somewhere above us. We sheepishly untangled from each other, not all that sorry and I pressed a last kiss to his lips. Getting to my feet, helping Mathias a second later, I turned to glare at Aleks.

"What was that about?" I grumbled, ignoring his comment. I rubbed at my elbow, which had been the only thing to have a meeting with the floor, thanks to Mathias taking the fall for me. Unwillingly perhaps, won't stop me from being grateful. 

"You can't just jump a sick person. We're here to keep him company, not kill him because his illness didn't manage to do that in the beginning." Aleks shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed beside Marius, who still seemed a bit shocked by our visit. or maybe for some other reason. My suspicion was made clear a minute later.

"That was.. Brilliant" He uttered in slight admiration while smiling fondly at Aleks. Aleks visibly blushed, but kept on the nonchalant act. I crawled into the bed beside Marius, not wanting to stand awkwardly on the floor anymore. I moved to kiss him when he stopped me. 

"I know I'm not technically sick anymore, but I won't take any chances yet. I promise you, you don't want to catch whatever I had." Marius claimed, before kissing my cheek instead. I pouted at him, not liking to be denied kissing him.

It was bad enough that I hadn't been able to see him the last few days, now I couldn't even kiss him when I first did see him. I knew he didn't let me do that in consideration, as he said he didn't want me to get sick. It still sucked. 

"Seriously, Kristian you are so needy..." Aleks nagged, shaking his head amused by my behavior. Well, it wasn't necessarily a lie, but to be fair he was as bad as me, just less obvious about it. 

"And you can't stop nagging" Kristian retorted and stuck his tongue at him. Aleks returned the gesture. Mathias chuckled at the banter between them, climbing onto the bed as well until he was straddling Marius legs under his weight. 

"One question, what are you doing here? It's not that I don't appreciate the visit, but I told you I would be back tomorrow!" Marius interjected before the banter could continue. 

"You've complained so much about being lonely that we thought you would be happy that you didn't have to wait until tomorrow~" Mathias elaborated, laying down so he was resting his head on Marius' chest, smiling sweetly at him. 

"Is that another way to say you've missed me?" Marius smirked, planting a kiss on Mathias' nose. 

"Maybe..." Mathias drawled shamelessly, not bothering to deny that it had been strange to not have seen Marius for a while. 

"Pretty sure Kristian isn't the only needy one, Aleks~" Marius laughed, trying to get in a better sitting position to Mathias annoyance. Aleks just huffed at the statement and I grinned in victory. It wasn't technically a victory, but Marius had managed to get Aleks speechless and I would count that as my victory in this banter anyways.

"We didn't plan what we were gonna do when we got here though" I voiced sheepishly. We truly hadn't, Mathias and I had just been busy insisting to see Marius since he couldn't be too sick any longer if he was going to come to school the next day.

We would lose our chance to be doting boyfriends if we didn't! Now that we actually were here we didn't know  what to do. According to any romance movie or novel an idea would be making him food, but he wasn't that sick plus his mother was at home. 

"Idiots~" Marius chuckled. "You don't need to do anything, being here is enough you know."

"Who are you calling an idiot? Don't think your cheesy ass comment will make up for that!" Aleks pouted, offended by being called an idiot. The comment made me bust out laughing, quickly hiding into Marius shoulder in hope Aleks didn't notice. 

"Oh I am sorry, baby. News flash, you aren't the only one allowed to call people idiots" Marius teased. Aleks looked like he was about to swat him over the head. 

"Nuh uh, no killing him you said~" I quickly echoed his earlier words, joining in on the teasing. It was a fatal mistake as Aleks changed his focus from Marius to me and a mischievous glint appeared in his eye. I didn't have a moment to react before I ended up on the floor again. 

"Well, then I can just let it go out on you, just trying to show my love here." Aleks intoned sweetly, while glaring at Marius. 

"Yeah I can feel the love. It hurts~" I whined from the floor, wondering why I had to be so in love with such a  _caring_ person. Well he is cute at least. 

"Do you want to feel real pain?!"  Aleks exclaimed, and I realized I'd just spoken out loud. I yelped as I rolled under the bed, in hope to escape his clutches. Marius and Mathias was positively dying with laughter when Aleks dragged me out from my hiding space.

"I love you?" I tried, smiling sheepishly. The words worked, and Aleks blushed while dropping the hold on my foot. I quickly grabbed a hold of his hand and made him fall into my arms so I could kiss him. I don't know why, but it was those kind of days where kisses was absolutely necessary.

"You are making me increasingly envious, putting on a show like that and I can't get any kisses because I'm sick" Marius interrupted, sulking over being sick. 

"We know you love it when we put on a show for you though, don't lie~" I retorted, kissing Aleks again who still was dazed by the sudden kiss. Keeping the pace of the kiss slow, I made sure that the movement of our lips were exaggerated only to put up more of a show for the two on the bed. 

"I won't deny it, but I would like it better if I could join." Marius complained. I broke the kiss and Aleks whined at the loss of contact. When he realized what sound he had made, he quickly got to his feet, obviously mortified with what he would call an 'embarrassing' noise. 

To me however, it only made it harder not to pounce on him again. It was incredibly adorable and I wanted to hear more of those kind of whines come from those sinful lips. 

"At this rate this visit will become a really horny one, I swear you are trying to kill me today, being sick wasn't enough apparently" Marius groaned, Mathias still in his lap. 

"Either I'm sitting on your phone or you're getting a boner." Mathias stated bluntly, amused by how quickly our boyfriend got turned on. I must have been seeing things, because I could swear I saw a faint blush on Marius face. Oh how I wished I'd got a picture of that. 

"Geez can you blame me?" Marius defended himself, flustered by the statement. I quickly got into the bed again, getting as close as possible to him. 

"You need help with your brolem?" I asked seriously, staring him into those beautiful grey blue eyes. Marius turned from being flustered to fall into a laughing fit. 

"You didn't just bro zone me, please tell me you didn't just say that" He cracked out through his laughter. His laughter fit suddenly went into a coughing fit, and he quickly covered his mouth. It sounded as if he would cough out a  lung any  minute now. 

"Well that was a total turn off" Mathias commented bluntly. Aleks appeared by the bed then, a glass of water in his hand. I hadn't even noticed that he had left to fetch it. He totally deserve the doting boyfriend award. 

"Sorry... Thanks, Aleks" Marius rasped, downing the water. He looked tired, but he had no reason to be apologetic for something he couldn't control.  

"Hey, don't say sorry. We didn't come here to have sex with you, but to take care of you since you're sick. I mean sex would be great, but that wasn't the main mission" I quickly reassured, reaching out to stroke a hand through his hair. He didn't look well, but that was to be expected after such a coughing fit.

"I hate being sick." He sighed, resting his head on Mathias shoulder, some more weak coughs coming from him. 

"Hey, why don't we watch a movie? Excellent excuse to just lay in bed and cuddle!" Mathias suggested brightly, wanting to cheer up Marius. I guessed he hated that we saw him weak like this, which was understandable. I don't think I would appreciated it, especially since he couldn't do anything about it, he couldn't pretend to appear better than he was since his coughs ruined all his attempts.

"That's a good idea, I'll go put something on. I hope you have some good movies, Marius or I will need to spend more time on introducing you to art." Aleksander intoned teasingly, going over to the book shelf where the movies where. I watched as he quickly resolved on what to pick. 

As he put the movie on, Mathias and I rearranged ourselves so we both settled into the cocoon Marius was wrapped into, Mathias claiming the space between Marius legs while I resolved to cuddle into his side. Aleks joined us and I pretended to pay attention to the movie. 

In reality my focus was entirely on my three boyfriends. Mathias was content laying on top of Marius, his eyes on the screen with an adorable concentrated pout on his face. Marius was already struggling to keep his eyes open, while Aleks was nuzzling into the crook of Marius' neck. 

Watching as Marius lost the battle of staying conscious, I couldn't help but smile. In my humble opinion we had nailed the perfect doting boyfriends mission without doubt. I totally didn't take a picture of Marius drooling in his sleep, I don't know what you're talking about.

* * *

  **Aleksander's POV**

"So... It's my birthday soon and I will without doubt have a party, and you will come right?" Kristian inquired hopefully during one of the short breaks. I sighed, what kind of stupid question was that. Well, he probably just wanted to make sure, but it was still idiotic of him to ask. He should already know the answer.

"Is that even a proper question? Of course we'll come, you know that." I reassured him with a smile. Then I added teasingly, "Even if we couldn't have come, you'd probably kidnap us anyways."

"Mmm can't deny that, but that wasn't really what I wanted to ask. I wanted to ask if you would like to sleep over afterwards, I've already asked and got permission~" Kristian smirked suggestively. Oh of course, probably hoping for birthday sex or something that pervert. I would never have thought that he was such a sex addict, but then again we hadn't gone the whole way yet  which could explain it. 

"I like that idea, it sounds great! I'm in." Mathias quickly agreed. Marius nodded along with his own suggestive smirk, his mind probably in the gutter as well and then three pair of eyes was watching me. 

"I don't know..." I muttered, hating myself for being so unsure. It was a daily struggle, but there wasn't anything to do about it, especially not when it came to this. Kristian most likely had a plan that it would be just the four of us, which my parents or rather my dad would never allow.  

"Hey, it's okay, I asked my parents if some could sleep over, but I never said whom. I can just lie and say nobody else could before the party, so if your father asks just say it will be us and some more. It's gonna be fine, I promise he won't know the difference." Kristian declared, trying and succeeding to calm me down and make my doubts vanish.

"I guess it won't hurt to stay the night..." I gave in, knowing he would manage to convince me to say yes anyways. Better not even bother to try to deny him what he wanted. Kristian was sly like that, and Marius often backed him up. It still scared me though, I had no doubt that somehow my parents would get to know about it. With my father already suspicious, the knowledge about the sleep over would just add fuel to the fire.

At the same time I was getting excited about this, we rarely had sleepovers. In between my fear and my parents still trying to make me stay away from them, school was stressing us out and since we were nearing the end of the year, exams were around the corner, we had to priority that before our relationship. This was a possibility I couldn't just pass up on, not even if it would risk that my parents would figure this out. 

Anyways we should try to relax a bit before the exams, it wouldn't do me any good if I only stressed about grades and exams. It was our last year in middle school, the grades we got now would help us get into the high school we wished to attend, which built up a big pressure which the teachers reminded us of all the time. In the midst of my train of thoughts, something hit me. What the fuck was I gonna get Kristian for his birthday? 

\-------

I collapsed happily onto the couch, it wasn't that big and probably was supposed to only fit two or perhaps three squeezed together. I didn't get to occupy it for long before the other three joined me.Somehow we all four found space in it, involving a lot of skinship and I found myself having the birthday boy himself halfway laying on top of me. Absently I carded a hand through the fluff he called hair on his head. 

Mathias was in the end pushed off the couch and had to settle on the floor, sitting between Marius legs when Kristian decided that he absolute wanted to lie instead of sitting. The three of them began playing Fifa on the Xbox and I couldn't help to wonder what was so interesting about playing virtual football. They were so focused on playing that a concentrated silence fell over the room with the exception of that awful music in the game. 

"You all three play football in your free time, so I don't understand that in between football and school you settle to play  _virtual_ football as well!" I blurted out in disbelief, hating the lack of attention which both made me feel pathetic and needy. All I received was shrugs, before Mathias whined about missing a goal.

"Why don't you join as well, it will even the odds a little ~" Marius tried to persuade, finally looking at me. I just shook my head at him and frowned.

"Sorry, but I am more a rpg game player or action games, not really interested in playing football, not in games nor in real life." I huffed, rolling my eyes at Mathias cursing. 

"Come on Aleks~, it'll be more fun if you don't just spectate! Mathias I thought you played this like all the time, with all the bragging you do at school" Kristian chuckled, eyes glued to the screen. 

"Hmph... What about I do neither, I would rather go to bed then watching or join you in the game." I assured, sticking my tongue out at them when they glanced at me. Identical grins appeared on their faces, confusing me since I hadn't said anything  strange had I?

"Is Aleks baby perhaps a wittle bit jealous for not receiving the same attention the game is getting~" Marius snickered, hands falling as he forgot about the game. I blushed madly, hating how he enunciated each word the way you would talk to a baby. 

"Wha-No, am not! Shut up!" I faltered, knowing my outburst didn't make the situation any better. I should have been the one to shut up. 

"That reminds me, you never did give me a birthday present! You told me to wait until later and I would say that this qualifies as later~" Kristian pointed out, obviously getting excited over the thought. I had hoped he had forgotten about that, this was such an embarrassing gift.

"Isn't being with me enough? Ungrateful boyfriend..." I teased weakly, trying to delay a little. It hadn't been easy to figure out what to give him, especially this time considering that we finally had become boyfriends so I wanted it to be something special. Marius and Mathias already knew what it was, they had already teased me for being cheesy and a romantic. 

"Haha, you know I enjoy every second with you all three, I couldn't ask for more honestly but you said you had a present for me~" Kristian objected with a playful whine to the end of his sentence. 

"Cheesy fucker..." I grumbled, already fishing up the small box containing the present from my pocket. It would have been better if I could melt into the couch, I don't want to see his reaction when he opens the box. Sometimes I wonder why I am such an awkward person, things like these makes me cringe even when it is me myself doing them.

"You honestly aren't allowed to call him that, not ever, you both are terrible romantics! I am just glad Marius and I am the same or else I would have felt like I was missing some kind of boyfriend requirement" Mathias laughed, climbing up into the couch, sitting down on the only available space aka Marius lap who instantly wrapped his arms around the blond.  

"What? Why? Give me~! I am super curious now, don't torment me like this, give me, give me!" Kristian complained, reaching for the box with determination. Of course Mathias couldn't let that comment slide, damn now Kristian won't stop moaning about it until he gets to open the present. 

"Fine, fine! Here you big kid, but you ain't allowed to laugh OR tease! Marius and Mathias have done that enough already." I scolded, reluctantly handing him the box. He teared off the small ribbon that was the only thing wrapped around the box, he opened it with excitement and when he laid eyes on what was inside he fell quiet.

It was a ring, actually one out of four, with each of our initials carved into the inside of the ring and a small heart between each one. On the outside of the ring there was just a single date written in cursive. The day this relationship in many ways officially started. Kristian looked at it, then up at me before his eyes roamed back to the ring. 

"This... Is so sappy..." He finally muttered. Mathias and Marius quickly intoned with a loud "That's what we said!"

"...But also so sweet. One question though, why?" Kristian continued, beaming at me. I had problem speaking because of that cute expression and rubbed my neck awkwardly, not knowing how to phrase it. 

"It's a promise ring, kind of..." I answered sheepishly, trying to not blush again. It was indeed cheesy, sappy and any other adjective that could describe how sickly sweet I was being. I  had surprised even myself with this idea. 

"Promise ring..? Isn't that like a promise to get engaged~ sorry babe, but I think it's a bit too early in this relationship to think about such sort of things" Kristian drawled. 

"No, stupid. A promise ring that we won't, I dunno, give up on each other just yet? Even after we've finished at middle school and some of us going separate ways? At least a promise that we'll be there for each other, even when we don't see each other every day like we do now..." I stumbled over my words, I had tried to think what the promise would be, but I was too insecure about what I wanted. 

"Cute... I like the sound of that and I love the ring, best present ever" Kristian whispered with a soft smile, suddenly very close to my face. He then asked sweetly, "Did you give us all one of these? It wouldn't be the same if I was the only one to keep such a promise~" 

I couldn't do anything but nod, holding up my hand for him to examine the ring I was wearing. Kristian grinned satisfied and turned towards the other two, only to discover that they had become tired of the conversation so they were busy by having a hot make out session with Mathias straddling Marius to the couch. Kristian snorted and turned back to me.

"Thank you." He emphasized, leaning in so his lips met mine in a light kiss which I returned and deepened, my hands tangling in his hair. He let out a breathy laughter against my lips that I ignored in favor to slip my tongue into his mouth. He moaned, moving in closer. He grabbed my legs and forcefully spread them so he could settle in between them and hovering over me. 

I grunted in protest, but not doing anything to stop him, instead pulling him even closer. He pushed me up against the back of the couch, hands slipping under my shirt to feel skin on skin. I arched up against him, grinning against his lips when I felt him gasp at the contact. I yelped the next second as Kristian picked me up, quickly wrapping my legs around his waist so I wouldn't fall. 

"Give me a warning next time, I would have punched you if it weren't for the fact that I don't want a direct hit with the floor" I grumbled against his neck, noting how his body shook when he chuckled at my threat. 

"Oh I'm Sorry, for wanting you to be comfortable before continuing this delightful activity" He retorted huskily. I smirked when I figured how to give him a payback for carrying me like this, kissing and sucking on the skin on his neck that was displayed right in front of me. Kristian groaned and growled at me, "If you keep that up I will lose my grip and you'll have a meeting with the floor anyway!" 

He finally dropped me on the bed, crawling on top of me in the next second before proceeding where we had left off. Not long after Mathias and Marius climbed into bed with us, demanding some attention from us. This is what I loved the most, these moments together where we all just blended together in a tangle of limbs was the absolute best.  

Somewhere between all the kissing and fondling, we'd all stripped down to our boxers. It was then I focused on Kristian again, wanting to make his birthday even more special. This time I was the one forcing him on his back and getting between his legs, not that he paid much mind as he was busy sucking face with Marius. 

I planted butterfly kisses along his toned stomach, slowly creeping down south. I could hear Kristian groan as I began kissing and biting on the inner side of his thighs, his back arching up and demanding attention to his erect dick. I slipped a hand under the elastic of his boxer, making him whine. By now all attention was on Kristian.

"Such needy sounds you're making, you need to tell us what you want~" Marius teased as he broke the kiss, whispering the filthy words in Kristian's ear, but loud enough for the rest of us to hear. Kristian's back arched again, his hips lifting from the bed and indicating where he wanted the attention, but instead of complying Marius and Mathias put a hand on his hips and holding them down.

"Stop teasing.." Kristian panted, eyes glazed over with lust as he stared down at me, our eyes meeting and he let out a small whine. 

"You need to tell us what you want, or else we can't make you feel good" Marius commanded softly, grazing his teeth against Kristian's earlobe, making the brunet whimper and blush in embarrassment. 

"I want.. I want Aleks to.. suck my dick" He gulped, Marius praising him for telling us and I didn't hesitate another second, tearing his underwear down to his knees to free his boner. I did hesitate a moment, wondering what to do now. I decided to let instinct take over and planted a kiss on the head of his dick, his hips trying to thrust up to get more caress. 

I kissed down his shaft, trying to give him the physical stimulation he was craving. I then tried to take his dick in my mouth, sucking and bobbing at the head, afraid to take him in deeper. I licked over the slit, tasting the precum that was gathering there. Taking his dick a little bit further down my throat while reaching to wrap my hand around the part of his shaft I couldn't reach I worked up a rhythm. 

"Aleks~! I'm go-gonna c-come...!" Kristian moaned, and I released his dick with a lewd pop while continuing jerking him off. Kristian came just after, his cum splattering over his stomach and my hand, some even landing on my face. I wiped it off, licking a bit off my fingers while locking eyes with Kristian, who looked at me mortified.

"Gross." I muttered, not liking the salty taste of the white substance, my comment made Marius and Mathias erupt in laughter. I got up and found some tissues stached in the nightstand, pervert, and used them to wipe off the cum. I handed Kristian some so he could clean up a little as well. 

"Wait.. What about you guys, it's not fair that I'm the only one who get off!" Kristian complained.

"Who said you were the only one~" I hinted, feeling my face warm up in a faint blush. Kristian stared at me, for the second time speechless this night. I only chuckled and crawled in bed again. I was welcomed in waiting arms and we ended up in a cuddling pile. 

"You made this to the best birthday ever, and I love you so, so much." Kristian sighed happily, his consciousness leaving quickly. I smiled widely at his words, settling better in Mathias arms and gave Kristian a peck on the lips while muttering "And we love you~" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT if anyone waited for this that is lol x3 I kinda forgot about it, and life ruined me and I moved, I dropped the fic for a while because I was feeling shitty... Also started another fanfic and yeah I think I will drop this fanfic now... I will see if I don't get inspiration, but like if I continue now it won't be half as good as the first part of this chapter and yeah... I want it to be good and right now I don't think I can write anything decent even.
> 
> FIRST TIME WRITING KINDA SMUT OMG I AM SO SORRY I CAN'T WITH MYSELF I SUCK not like Aleks did tho

**Author's Note:**

> I told you to not expect anything good :P  
> It is long (for me at least like maybe not that long but yeah I used much much time on it) and a bit boring I guess, at least if you don't know the person I have based the characters on, they are very ooc thought in this fic but it's the thought that counts alright, so I will see if I actually find out what more to do with this thing, Because I want it longer this ending is so unsatisfying for me at least buuuuut motivation...  
> Oh my fuck this was also really hard like I feel high, like what the fuck I have only use half a day on making this shitty thing and I'm feeling like I have taken some pot aaaaalright brain maybe we should sleep


End file.
